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Definately truely Bi... definitely not sure how to handle it

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by j2598, Nov 15, 2012.

  1. j2598

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I think for the mostly gay coming out the rewards are great.
    But for the Bisexual, I think we have a slightly different set of problems.

    I am in my thirties now and only last week I lost my gay virginity.
    I am mostly straight, way over 3/4 straight. For a long periods there are times when there is nothing gay about me. But there are also times when I feel very gay. Certainly, there's a correlation with horniness. If I'm really horny I'm much more likely to start fantacising about getting done in the ass.
    Finally last week after getting out of another long relationship I finally had the chance to do it and my,
    I loved it!
    I definitely needed to get that out of my system.

    But I know I love women. With this experience I can really see the advantage of men, I really can. But I still walk around with women on my radar. It is so rare that I have that feeling with a man, yet I have had it. Staring into the eyes of a friend at school, we both realised what was happening and while I take this kind of thing in my stride, I think he, as fully gay and so (I think wisely) got scared and never really associated with me again.

    What I am trying to say is :

    I know myself. My feelings may change according to processes I don't fully understand but I am no architect of these changes. I simply follow being true to myself, as I know this is me.

    But that is not the question of my thread today.

    My question is...
    how do I communicate this with partners?

    I have been very disappointed with all of them so far. I've had enough serious relationships now to feel that this is a pattern. Women just seem to see it as some sort of disease... definitely negative, like it's a choice I make because I can't get pussy.

    This has surprised me to see this from both a quiet, caring and liberal girlfriend and also from a girlfriend who has very sexually liberated and who's best friend was gay. Yet she could hide her disgust.

    Yet...
    looking at the threads of married women who find gayness of usually more clear degree on support forums, it is clear that I should consider to be up front and communicate about this or else "It's not the gay aspect, it's the lie" is what I see written.

    However, the gay aspect of myself is quite minor really and whenever I come out, or am discovered I get kicked. If I mention it early I get pigeonholed - contury to fashion it is at cost to my game. I always put this down as the stereotype highlighting my weaknesses as propensity as beta male. But perhaps it is simply raw homophobia. The kind of prejudice you never expect to sense from good people when you know people a photo of your black girlfriend. It seems there is no right moment to tell.

    For the record and dispelling the myths so we can move on...
    looking at the Biphobia Wikipedia entry which I cannot link to...

    I am not promiscuous; I have had 7 sexual partners and 3 long term relationships. I am 30.
    I am not repressing anything. I've taken it in the ass. I've had romantic feeling for both men and women. What more can there be. Ok, don't answer that :grin:

    Now how to handle the subject. I'm sure I have my own prejudices hiding away too. Need to root them out too.
     
    #1 j2598, Nov 15, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2012
  2. Bree

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    People in the middle are discriminated against far more than the gay/straights. It's going to take more public acknowledgement to fix that. I remember in Glee Kurt telling Blaine that there's so such thing as bi guys (can't remember the phrasing) and thinking wow, look at the so-called liberal show hurting bisexuals with outdated ideas.

    Out of curiousity, where do you live? My area isn't really bi-phobic--I think about half of my school was openly bi-curious, and not just girls.
     
  3. j2598

    Regular Member

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    I have lived mostly in the UK. For the most part attitudes appear mostly good. However, this is just on the surface. Most people will say they are gay friendly, but if someone comes out close to them its a different reaction. So people are trying to be PC but deep Down don't really believe in what they are saying.

    I've seen the same setup in Argentina too. I haven't seen it elsewhere but because I haven't experienced deep enough elsewhere. It really puts you off coming out. I think its best not to bother.