How Did You Tell Your Straight Friends?

I've been contemplating telling a buddy of mine that I am gay, but everytime I hang out with him I have no idea how to bring it up. I was at his house last night, his girlfriend wasn't there, we were alone, playing Halo 4, and I wanted to tell him, but honestly couldn't think of a good way to just do it. He isn`t homophobic, and I think he knows I am gay, but I still am way too scared to do it. He`s only ever asked me if I was gay in a negative way; one time when a girl was severely hitting on me at a party and I shot her down, and another was another situation with a girl. He`s also asked me if I fucked any girls when I go on vacation or out for the weekend with other buddies. Not everytime, but sometimes. I have only slept with one girl and I don`t think he knows because she was in our circle of friends; I think he slept with her too I know gross. He is convinced I got laid in Cuba last year for some reason.

I don`t know if his obession with my virginity is over him just wanting his buddy to get laid, or him trying to leave the door open for me to come out. Sometimes he legit seems to know I am gay, and has called me it a thousand times before, I never denied it. I also used to tell him to watch it whenever he called me a fag. He would say `oh your offended by that`or something along those lines, never maliciously.

It`s just this situation is really hard to read. We chirp eachother all the time, he even chirps me for being gay, and has gone on rants about other people just as a joke and how gay they are. It`s always in a joking manner, and he can chirp people for anything, me and my friends kind of like controversial jokes, that are a little tasteless but we really aren`t bad, racist or anything, we`re just very comfortable with our `humanity`.

It is just hard to scope whether all this is regular banter, or hints that he knows. He was more on me when him and my other friends; who I really am not friends with anymore because I got sick of him calling me a fag(though once I explain it will make sense why he did). Him and my other old buddy in highschool used to say they were going to "chirp the gay outta me", so they made a point of calling me "queer, gay,blah blah". I again don't know if this was them saying they were going to get rid of my gay; which would be a bad thing, or antagonize me so much that I just admit it. I used to really get nervous and almost a surreal feeling when stuff like this happens to me so I can't really provide solid details, and it is always hard for me to scope what peoples intentions are.

I have been asked if I was gay, by three other friends. All of them were in a negative way. Another friend once asked me, said they wouldn't be mad, but it almost seemed like they were joking.

I know this thread is rambling but it is getting to a point. How did other homosexuals tell their straight friends they were gay. I don't want to sound rude, but I am looking more for guys who are only friends with other guys, as that is the situation I am in, and I KNOW FOR A FACT girls don't give a shit for the most part whether you are gay or not. That would be awesome if I wanted to be friends with or was friends with a bunch of girls, but I only had one girlfriend and me and her had a majour falling out. All my other friends are guys.

I just don't know how to approach it. I kind of want to let them know I will end them if they make a big deal, or harass me for it. I am also worried about how I will react to a negative reaction; I tend to get angry, and I really don't want to beat up one of my buddies.

The one and only friend I want to tell, lives out of town now, and I really can't think of a good way to tell him. I just feel I need to tell someone other then my family, because I always knew they would be ok.

Since my buddy lives out of town, I don't want to tell him have a negative reaction, and then have to drive for an hour all the way home, and I don't want him to feel obligated to take it alright because of that. I am fine with a negative reaction initially, I don't expect people to just accept it I didn't.

I don't even know how to approach it.

I am just really sick of angina, and other crap, I am basically falling apart because I am not coming out, so I just want to get it over with before my health deteriorates any further.

My heart valve squeezes itself shut thinking about it. I used to just pass it off as nothing, or just minor heart ache, but after looking it up, and finding out what that feeling actually means my heart is doing. I am actually freaked out by how many times it has done that, and the fact I haven't had a heart attack yet. I had no idea how bad the feelings I have been having were for my health, and I am almost now more concerned about my health than anything. I knew they were bad, but I didn't know they can cause other majour problems.

So any advice would be appreaciated, I am trying to push myself to do it, I never am going to be ready to do it, and I can't take actual pain any much longer. It has gotten to the point were I will just sit there getting pissed at my chest because it is tightening up so much and just being squeezed so hard even though I have no control over it. I will sit and just focus on the pain and completely forget about my other problems, but the pain still won't go away. This has been happening a lot more lately, angina without be even thinking about stressors. So I know its time to just do something about it.

 

Hmmm. I guess I should have mentioned I am a complete pussy and can`t even say the words I am gay when I am alone aloud.

That was actually crucial to my question. I can hardly even say the words.

I also forgot to mention I am currently residing under a piece of limestone and don't have a cellphone or a facebook to do such things.

So how do I tell him, without actually telling him, but I know for sure that he knows that I am gay. Almost non-verbal. If that is even possible.

---------- Post added 15th Nov 2012 at 09:17 PM ----------

hmm yea. It is hard to scope homophobic comments in their sincerity. I think some aren't, but some definitely are. I remember in Highschool one of our gym teachers saying it was the estrogen they add to water that is turning all these kids gay, and some of my friends actually believed him. Stuff like that is kinda like, hard to understand why I would even be concerned about people with opinions like that, unless you actually have a relationship with someone who holds these opiniosn or has held them.

 

Yes, we are very close which makes it more difficult. I do not want him to think I have ever thought anything about him. It may have crossed my mind but I can't remember a time it ever has, I always have seen him as a friend and always knew he was straight so there never was a guessing period with him. He is really important to me and I don't want to lose him over this. It is kind of hard because we never really get gushy with eachother, he does more with me than I do with him I am kind of "cold" a bit but not in a mean way I just am not one to tell someone I miss them ....etc. He is, and if he was gay he would have no problem telling me because he tells me everything; abortion with his girlfriend, pill addiction,std scare...etc. But I don't open up ever, and have always been like this, which is why I think he has never really pushed for me to tell him because he knows me better than I know myself and knows what I will and will not tell people. I didn't even tell him about my dad leukemia or my parents divorce till years after.

This is why it is so hard, I just am not a gushy person in that sense, I feel emotions heavily, but for some reason I have always had a hard time letting people know about my vulnerable emotions I guess. I dont mind letting people know I don't eat veal, but I don't like letting people know I am having a bad day and why....etc. I just keep it to myself, and always put on a happy face, so I am just a hard person to read.

I don't know, it's like fucking Hank Hill having to tell Dale he is gay, fucking impossible

 

^
Yea I know he will be supportive, but that may be for that moment. I don't want things to get weird, him to stop calling...etc. Like I think he knows, but that could be me imagining things, his messages have been he is alright with gay people, but he has no problem saying offensive homophobic shit infront of me, but then again my sense of humour is the type that you can say anything infront of me and I won't get offended.

He has defended gay people to me when I was younger like really young, and he has corrected himself when he has said something minorly homophobic when talking about politics. But when joking around, he has no problem calling me or someone else around .....blah blah insert homophobic comment.

I don't know, I feel most typical gay people don't befriend the type of people I did. I haven't heard too many rejection stories, but I don't know, now I am just convincing myself why I shouldn't which I always do soI'll just stop.

 

I went to my friends house the weekend for Friday night, we got drunk, hung out with other people.....blah blah. I still was thinking about telling him, and I couldn't again. It just really seems like at this point I never will be able to tell anyone outside my family. I get the odd wind of pride and courage to do it, but it never lasts long enough, and I never get these feelings when I am with my friends.

I just am kind of looking for a trigger or something, that happened to someone, that made them just do it, or realize they have to. I basically have realized everything everyone has mentioned, and that still isn't good enough. I feel I don't have a good enough reason to do it.

 

No you are 100%

I actually think anyone that has the balls to come out and let people know who they are have more courage and realness to them than most people. Even "fem" guys that come out to me are ballsy, and I actually admire them for that. Telling people who you are and not caring about what they think is really honourable, but I just can't seem to do it.

It is killing me that none of my friends know, and I think I will weird them out the longer I wait. I don't even know why I am afraid of losing them, I don't even make new friends for the sole reason that I don't want to have to tell anymore people about me.

By coming out I can actually make new friends, and I want to do this, but I just can't find the right mind to do it.

I honestly don't know what synapses happen in a persons brain that allow them to come out but I basically want that. I wish there was some kind of electromagnetic impulse I could send into my brain that would replicate this feeling. I really am honestly just looking for the right person to say the right thing about coming out, or anything, I just want that epiphany moment where I know I can come out.

Did anyone else get this? Am I waiting for something that is never going to happen? Did everyone come out no exactly ready? I really don't feel ready, and am wondering if I ever am. It is effecting my health, physically and mentally, so I really need to get a move on, with sorting my life out. I am excited to see if I am still depressed after telling everyone, and to feel like an actual person. Right now I really feel disattached from reality, it is hard to explain, but I don't feel all there, or like I am really even living my own life, more sort of viewing someone run my life if that even makes sense.

 

Yea, but I don't feel ready to do it. I need to know if anyone ever feels ready, or if it something that just is forced. I am sort of waiting around for a "feeling" that I have to do it,and right now all I feel is not to do it. So it is counter intuitive to do what I don't feel.

How does someones mindset get in the right place to do this? I really really want to do it, but it is hard to explain. I just can't, when I am with my buddies, I get this feeling that there is no way in hell I can ever tell them.

I know being gay isn't bad, isn't a big deal, or anything, but I've kind of made it to be a big deal, so I really need to just get that out of my head. I almost think I have a harder time accepting it than straight people.