So i was doing some thinking today and i realized the only part of myself i truly like is the part that accepts that I'm a lesbian. I had a hard childhood and now that I'm older it only seems harder. I never really found acceptance from anyone or even myself until i came to terms with the fact that i like girls. To me it seems strange that i like the one part of me this is the least acceptable in civilization and it's the only thing i can accept in myself. So when I'm thinking about my life and what it made me become the only good i find is in the fact that it helped me find myself at a younger age than most people. I don't know how to deal with this though, my heart says that I'm beautiful and special and someday i will escape the life I'm living so i can become what i was meant to be. My brain says that the only practical option is to change myself to make the next few years easier. I'm tired of this back and forth feud between mind and soul. Can anyone give me some tips to help get that "practical" side to shut up?
We all have back and forth doubts, or moments of self doubt. It could be a sign of smartness, rather than a bad thing. I think being into activities that keep you too busy to think about what you don't want to think about is a good thing. Some use drink and drugs. I think that using a good activity to fill in time can work to keep your mind positive. I work out at the gym, and go to the library, and collect a certain type of things, and just read generally. I still have self-doubt, but it does not stay in my head too long. I think it is normal to some degree.
