I think this will be a long story so... I'll try to resume as much as possible =/ So a few months ago I came out to one of my guys best friends, Carl, the guy that I have (or had, I don't know any more) a crush on. So now him and my girl best friend, Ivy, already knew that I'm at least bisexual. At college we were inseparable. But after I came out to him I couldn't look him in the eyes. I don't know why but I couldn't. I talked to him and I apologized myself and that I would like that he wait a bit so I would get a bit more comfortable. From there the things started to get bad. Really bad. He started to ignore me and Ivy, started to get around with new people that got into college this year. He stopped being with us, we didn't lunch together any more, we didn't even talk. We couldn't understand why he did that. We started to get far from him. After that happened he made many other things that get Ivy and I very upset. A week ago I thought that it was enough and that I should talk to him and get things clear. I send him a message during the weekend and he didn't reply to me. On Monday at college he didn't talked to me. So I thought that he isn't interested in our friendship anymore. Well, on that same week I didn't lunch with them again because I was very mad with him and didn't want to look at his face anymore. He talked to Ivy and said that I was probably mad with him... lol... like he didn't know... The thing is... I don't know what to do. I couldn't stop thinking that this is all my fault and that if I had not told him that I might be bisexual the thing will be normal. I tried to talk to him and he didn't even show any interest in talking to me. I don't know what to do, If I should try again or if I should wait if he shows any interest. This is getting me very down and moody... Help? Sorry to annoy you guys with this.
It's sounds like your both still talking to Ivy so I would get her to ask him what he's doing and why he isn't talking to you. Past that if you value the friendship enough confront him and ask him yourself and say that you still want to be friends and your being bi/gay changes nothing. If he doesn't talk back or if he continues to act the way he is, you should move on. He could be homophobic, worried you like him, feel betrayed, be closeted and in denial, etc but it wouldn't really matter. You would have done all you could and maybe eventually he'll get used to it. And hard as it would be try to move on and make friends you accept you. If he can't accept you he's not your friend. One more thing- IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Don't feel guilty you did a brave and good thing by telling them
You need supportive friends, and not unsupportive ones. I think that you should let this one go and move on. Life to too short, and there are other people to be friends with. You were honest, and tried to be true about yourself. You will gain some new friends out of being honest, and time will heal your losing this one friend. Or he may come around in the end. But you have more friends to make and things to do. You are very young still, and it seems like major ruin here which it is not.
Note: It's very hard for any of us to tell you what's actually going on, seeing as none of us have watched this escalate and we're only hearing one side of the story. That said, here's how I see it. He's backing off because you've given him nothing but signs to back off. You asked him for some space at first, so he spent time elsewhere. That made you guys drift from him, which is probably just another reason he didn't really have any desire to hang out again. Since then, your mood has just escalated and you guys have drifted apart. It sucks, but it happens. Friendships are built off of things like similarity and proximity. Once you suddenly stop spending time with someone, the friendship starts to fade a bit. It's not necessarily gone forever, but you've basically just been giving him signs indicating you didn't want to be around him. What can you do? Talk to him. If you've tried that and he won't respond, then maybe he's not worth your time. If you're insistent on figuring this out, I'd suggest you get Ivy to see if you can get all 3 of you to sit and work things out. Though, if you want to repair this friendship, I think you need to give some serious thought as to whether or not you're comfortable with him, otherwise even if this does get fixed, it might just repeat itself.
I don't believe he's homophobic because when i told him he said it was ok for him and that he was already suspicious. I think you're right. I'll talk to her and see if she would like to have a talk the three of us. Thank you all for the help. (*hug*)
