Ok, so here's my situation. It's not bad, but not necessarily good either. I'm just curious for some opinions or suggestions as to what to do, so if you guys could help me out! So, first things first, I REALLY like this guy (like a whole freaking lot). Every time I see him my stomach starts doing flips and I can't help but smile. This is the first time that I've ever felt this way about someone since I've come out, and I feel like I'm ready for a relationship. However, I'm not fully out yet, and as much as I'd like to be, I can't. This sounds stupid, but the only reason I'm not fully out yet is because (given the conservative nature of this area) it could indirectly effect possible scholarship money for college. This is rediculous, but sadly it's true. This effects the possibility of a relationship with this guy, as he doesn't go to my school (though he is my age) and it'd be tough to maintain a relationship outside of school without people figuring it out. Secondly, (and here's the kicker) I'm not SURE if this guy is gay. If he's not, then he's not, and I'll survive and move on, but there's SO much ambiguity on this subject. I mean, he shows many signs (obsessed with musical theatre, slightly effeminate demeanor, only had one relationship with a girl that ended badly anyway), but also shows many signs of being straight. Most of his best friends are guys, and he's always doing typical straight guy stuff such as "flirting" with other girls and "pretending" he's gay. I know that if he IS straight though, he is totally supportive of gay rights (thank goodness). He also seems like he lives under some sort of facade (and many people have noticed this). He has a superficial side around his guy friends, but whenever I talk to him or certain people talk to him, the conversations are generally very meaningful and not at all superficial. I don't know if he ENJOYS being superficial or not, but it could also be him masking his sexuality in front of his friends. It makes everything very cryptic and confusing. Also, if he IS gay, I'm surprised he's not out yet, as the school he goes to tends to be very accepting of gay people and he is very accepting. I don't see what would be holding him back. So basically, I feel like I just need to get to know him better, but that's gonna be hard to do without making it totally obvious that I like him and making it awkward. It's also hard to hang out, as we go to different schools. How do I go about doing this without totally giving myself away (also, he doesn't know I'm gay)? Also, do you guys think he might be gay? I can shed more info on the info for and against this, if you want. Lastly, if he IS gay and things on a miracle work out, how am I supposed to date him without being totally out since we go to different schools? Thanks guys, you're the best!:icon_wink I must also say how EXCITED I am to finally feel this way about a guy and be comfortable with it! It feels wonderful!
Well, if you like him enough to attempt the relationship, regardless of schools and whatever, you will need a brilliant plot to find out about his actual sexuality. Here is a possible scenario: The two of you are hanging out in whatever fashion you do. You tell him that you'd like to speak to him privately about something. You get him alone and come out to him; given that he is accepting, this should be ok no matter what happens next. Chances are the conversation will go on a bit about something concerning congratulations or questions concerning, etc. Then, you mention something about being in search of a boyfriend and ask if he knows anyone that might be interested in you. If he is gay and interested, there is the chance that he will suggest himself and things will be peechy. If he gives you other names, perhaps those people will be just as viable candidates as he is, if not better. If nothing else comes of it, it'll just mean that you have another coming out under your belt. Or, if you feel particularly bold, upon coming out to him you might inquire as to his sexual situation. Of course, that would be a move to make only if it isn't the sort of question that people at your level of friendship would be comfortable asking each other. That'd be the most straightforward way of trying to find out if he is potential boyfriend material, just short of up and saying that you have a crush on him...but somehow I get the feeling that might be a little too forward. Play around with ideas on how to approach him with the topic, and good luck!
You would be surprised at how often that's really not the case. As long as you don't do blatantly extreme flirtatious things, many times true straight guys don't think anything of it... whether they just assume everyone is straight, or they think you're just being nice or a combination of the two. I wouldn't worry about that side of the problem as long as you're comfortable with talking to him without making a fool of yourself.
Definitely find out... are you guys good friends? In that case, it wouldn't be too hard... But yeah, go for it. If it works, awesome If it doesn't, it was worth trying...
Any other suggestions from anyone? And Luroon, thanks. Those were both very good ideas. I'm toying with that first one. We're not close enough for me to just ask him if he's gay.
Well... wait, no. I dont have an advice, but the best that I can do is wish you Good Luck!!! Have a cookie <3
Luroon put it better than I ever could, though if I were you, I would only mention my "single but looking" status to him, not ask if he knows anyone who'd be interested in me. But I'm not you, and I don't know your full situation, so ultimately, you'll have to decide.
