Hello everyone, Okay, so here's my problem. Yesterday I had a big fight with my mom (we fight a lot, but yesterday was extreme). A dear friend of mine (and the daughter of my mom's late best friend) called me yesterday and asked me if I would like to join her and some of her friends for some punch, because she was near my place and we don't see each other that often anymore because she lives at the other end of out town. I was happy that she thought of me and said I'd come, so I told my mom about it since my friend said we'd meet in 30min or so. My mom started yelling at me, saying my friend's the worst little slut ever because she had her first boyfriend when she was 15 and I shouldn't hang out with a hooker like that. Whenever my friend visits us, my mom says things like "We're so glad to have you over, you're like a niece to me" (her mom and mine used to be very close), and as soon as she's gone, my mom says "What a horrible girl, she's actually considering to get a tattoo!!, thank God we only meet 5 times a year. " Ironically, my mom asked me like 20mins before my friend called what I would be giving her for her 21st birthday which is quite soon, and when we should invite her over. Oh, and then my mom said, "I bet she just called to introduce you to some of her guy friends. Guys get extremely aroused when they see cute little girls like you who are sexually inexperienced, and then they're gonna make you fall for them" etc. I'm 19 years old, 1,54m short and I know that I look like a "cute little girl", and I really can't help it. Seriously, everyone, especially guys, treats me like a little kid, and it's not flattering. So I just laughed and said that I don't care about guys anyway because I'm not into them (=lesbian, but I don't think she really got that). Then my mom was like, "Yeah, I'm sure. I bet you make out with guys whenever you get the chance, since you like hanging out with those sluts" (apparently all my friends who have or have had a boyfriend before they get married are sluts). So I got REALLY mad and I actually yelled back (something I usually don't do) , telling her I would never, ever let a guy touch me because the thought alone disgusts me, and her relationship with my father (my parents are divorced,he was really abusive and I'm glad I don't have to see him) was so disgusting and traumatizing to me and I don't ever want to end up like her, being a submissive little house slave etc. My mom got really insulted and yelled back, crying "why does God hate me so much, what did I do to deserve such a horrible child". I just don't get it. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take drugs, I'm a teacher trainee at university (currently in my 3rd semester) and I get good grades, I'm friendly, I make friends easily etc. My mom has always been extremely overprotective and never let me do anything "dangerous", I wasn't even allowed to join my class when we were supposed to go to London for 10 days because my host parents would probably assault me sexually or something. I'm not allowed to go out and I have to be at home at 9 (unless my older sister is with me). She won't even let me give school students private tutoring at their home because their Dad, evil uncle or grandpa could coax me into sleeping with them or something. She doesn't trust me one bit and can't accept the fact that I'm trying to grow up. There simply isn't any talking to her , she cannot use logic and when we argue, she doesn't even have real arguments, all she does is throw insults and accusations at me in order to build a protective wall of words around her. If I had the money I'd move out, but I just can't afford it. My number one priority is my education, I want to be finished with my Master's degree in a couple of years and work as a teacher so that I can get out of here. If I moved out earlier, she still wouldn't leave me alone because she's a total control freak. I'm sure she'd call me 3times a day and check on my everyday. I can endure a lot and even with my family problems I'm still a very happy person, always smiling and cheerful, but I do notice that I'm still the little kid everyone sees in me, because my mom won't let me grow up. What should I do? (Oh, and btw, she's Armenian and she expects me to be obediant because she's the oldest woman in the house and only she has a say in my life)
I get the controlling parent thing. My mom isn't quite as blatant with it but she definitely has made it clear that as long as I am in her house, I have to obey her. I just try to remember that her being overprotective is her trying to protect me. Basically I just realized that since I'm still living with her, I have to live by her rules and deal with her craziness. It sucks but that's how it is. Good luck
i can relate. my mum is also not controlling but is way too overprotective. i cant have anyone over for tea or anyone round just to watch a movie or w/e, or stay over a boys house, or anyones house. if i go away for the weekend and stay in a hotel i get the 'dont come back pregnant' talk when she knows im a lesbian... i have to be home for 9, 10 at a push. im 21 soon and dont think these rules are at all reasonable but i dont voice my opinion because i am in her house and her rules are final. ive been wanting to move out since i was 16. and im finally (fingers crossed) going to move out late next year 3 hours from where we live now. she doesnt like that idea because she 'cant get to me' if there is an emergency or something, but yet i have other people i could call upon near me if anything were majorly wrong. she drives too so if anything were really bad, im sure she would drive if she was THAT worried. i dont drive i rely on trains e.t.c. i dont have any advice apart from stick it out as long as you can and dont yell back just leave her to it and spend as little time around her as possible. or if you cant bear it move into a hostel. i was going to move into a hostel at 16 but it fell through so i couldnt. or if its that bad then aska friend if you can sofa surf a day or two out of the week just to get some time away. some parents think they are protecting their children but they arent at all, they make it worse. if she doesnt let anything happen to you then you wont grow in life at all nor gain any experience in the world which you NEED. since i got my job at 18 ive been saving to move out. so... i should be all set in a few months then i just need to find somewhere. i dont think i could handle living in the same town as my mum, it would be too much. i told her last year of my plans to move out, but now i told her again a few days ago she wants to get super close to me again because she knows its for definate now and change my mind about it but i wont allow it. you just have to stay strong. (*hug*)
