Hello all. I am in need of some advice. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years. We live together and I am out to my family and all. They are very supportive and accept her as part of the family. Every holiday and every event she is included. Her family is another story they live an 90 min from us so they are not real close. She says they will not talk to her or anything for they are so black and white.. I have some major issues with this all. If they should come here for a visit my son and I have to not be at our home. Cards or flowers or anything that may give them signs in our home have to be hidden and holidays and parties we are not included..it's very hurtful for I love her and my son loves her and we don't feel included. I asked her to marry me a year ago and she said yes. She wore the engagement ring all the time except for when she went home, I told my family and friends but whenever she was questioned about anything she hides... I feel she is ashamed.. She doesn't say anything to her friends or anything. I am proud to love her fully and whole heartedly but don't feel she feels the same. We were suppose to get married in October but since she has said she doesn't know if she can do it. Tells me it's not me it's the "marriage" word.. Both of us were married to men and went thru bad relationships. I just don't know if I'm holding on to hope or if its never gonna happen... She knows I want to get married again, I wanted another child and she knew it and said someday maybe, now she doesn't. I love her so much but I feel like I'm sacrificing all my wants, and things that are important.. Family is huge for me and I just want to be included.... Please any helpful insight would be so appreciated. Do I stay or go????
Hi there, and welcome to EC! The only person you are in control of is you. You can't make your partner do things that she doesn't want to do, or she isn't prepared to do. All you can do is tell her what the consequences of that will be from your perspective. If it's a deal breaker for you that she come out to her family - so that you don't have to hide any more - then tell her. And be prepared to leave if she can't follow through. You can't make her do anything - but you can do what you need to do in order to be happy. Have you tried counselling? Give that a shot. You need to be able to talk about these things in a moderated / facilitated way that is safe for both of you. It's difficult to talk about these things - because they're weighted down with so much emotion. So working with a professional could be really beneficial. I certainly understand how you feel though. I'd feel the same way.
