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Feeling lonely =(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Neutrality, Nov 18, 2012.

  1. Neutrality

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    So...I'm sitting here alone today...and I kind of just realized I don't have any friends...like real friends..I'm sure if I bugged someone they would go out to lunch with me but,...I don't think I've ever had anyone call and ask me to do something. I'm insanely popular on campus...I know almost everyone, and have helped every club...everyone likes me...but...I've been down and when I looked for someone to lean on I realized that I don't have 1 close friend or a best friend...I'm not really sure why I'm posting this...or what to do about it...I just kind of felt like putting it into words.
     
  2. yes

    yes
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    sorry to hear - maybe you've been socialising with so many people that there's been no time to really get close to anyone? it can get like that, you only have so much time you know. call someone, do something? many people are probably in a similar situation... if there's any of the people you hang out with that you think you could get close to and enjoy spending more time to, try and do that? just some thoughts :slight_smile:
     
  3. Neutrality

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    I've always been like this though...everyone at school would like me but...I never really was close to anyone. I'm really not even sure what best friends do....I imagine it's like always having someone who wants to spend time with you, who you can talk to about things...kind of like a lover but without the sex.
     
  4. Dodonnas

    Dodonnas Guest

    I am suffering from a similar dilemma. I'm popular at the work place and people always tell me I am fun to work with, even go out with some of them every couple of weeks for dinner. But I don't know, I don't feel close.

    Even all the friends I had in highschool have drifted away. I do have a best friend at least, and we hang all the time and he calls me and I call him...I feel really close to him. But he's a busy man, as am I and I just wish I felt as close to other people because like today, he's busy and I'm just cleaning the house.
     
  5. caramba2654

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    I have a worse case.

    I have two best friends. But they're also best friends. Actually, they're more best friends towards themselves than between me. So I always feel left out when they do something together and I don't go with them. And that's where my biggest regret came from: they both went to an awesome trip, while I stayed home, studying. Why? Because the trip was too expensive for me. That was about an year ago, but I still feel devastated everytime I remember it.

    Besides, the relationship they have with each other is different from the relationship they have with me. And that drove me nuts one day. Actually, just last week. Then I tried talking to one of them to try to help me with that, but it didn't really work out. So I'm in the process of transformation. I'm trying to become more friendly with them by changing some things that I usually didn't do or I used to do. Hopefully it helps my relationship with them. But if it doesn't, then I dunno what to do, especially because making new friends is pretty hard for me.
     
  6. Jeff

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    I think that specific interests is what can be missing when one is making lots of friends but no real close ones.

    I know that my closer friends and I have certain mutual interests we share. Not that I have very many friends. Many of my best friends are straight, and so no matter how much we have in common, and interests we share, they will head back to their girlfriends or wives after our social hour(s) which leaves me a bit sad. But I am grateful for even those few friends because it is based on respect and interests.
     
  7. Dodonnas

    Dodonnas Guest

    My current best friend. well we had a similar 'Best Friend Triangle" back in high school.

    I was the odd man out too, least felt that way. But I don't know, I guess I stuck around better then the other.
     
  8. Gravity

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    Hmm...if you bugged someone they would go out to lunch with you - you're insanely popular on campus - everyone likes you - but you feel lonely.

    I've suspected for a while now that feeling lonely has less to do with the number of people we have available around us, and more how we approach or feel about the people who are there (notwithstanding the occasional situation where we really don't have anyone at all around). How much do you open up to people about things that bother you? Do you ever confess fairly personal feelings, thoughts, etc. to people? I'm not saying that everyone else is perfectly emotionally available, but it's possible that they feel the same way you do. Maybe you could try bugging someone for that lunch after all and see what happens. Someone might really like to spend time with you, they're just nervous about picking up the phone, too.
     
  9. Neutrality

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    Not very often...other people talk to me about personal stuff all the time, but I hate to burden or make other people sad just because I'm sad =(
     
  10. Gravity

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    Well, did it make you sad when they opened up to you? Sharing your feelings doesn't mean you're being a burden. Everybody needs to do it now and then. I'm not saying it isn't intimidating sometimes, and it's easy to think that our own problems might not be as serious as everyone else's. But you deserve to be listened to, too. :slight_smile: