My best friend of 20 years has been hiding the fact he had a relationship with a man. He said it was sexual to the point they never had intercourse. He says it is now not sexual in nature but very close. He has gone back and forth on his sexuality. For over a year he has been sleeping with me. Says he has had other women. Said he lived his life as a gay man in another city. He moved away from that city to go to school and is my room mate. We have been fighting when I started digging for the truth about this guy. I was so mad I even called the other guy and told him I had been sleeping with my friend for over a year. Now things are a mess. My best friend says he is gay. But before that he said he pictured himself in a relationship with a woman. I don't know what is true and not true. Now he says because his friend is so mad he has to move out because he doesn't want to lose his friend. My friend has always been different and people told him he must be gay. He always questioned it. The thing that is confusing is the fact he has continued to sleep with me until recently, moved away from the city he was in with a high paying job and where this guy is to be here. I don't know what to do. I think him moving out is so drastic and extreme. He cries a lot and feels torn. I don't know how to help. Part of me thinks he isn't gay and the other part isn't sure. Please help.
Maybe he's gay (or bisexual) but isn't ready to come out yet. Or he is gay, but doesn't want to be. Or even he has become gay and is having difficulties trying to accept it. It can be anything. I think the only solution is to have a deep talk with him, and ask what's his problems and what you can do to help. After all, you're best friends with him for 20 years, so he's probably open to talk about that with you.
I did have a deep talk and it keeps changing. He says he knows he is gay. His actions just seem so different. I am part of the problem because he kept sleeping with me for over a year and kept me a secret from his "boyfriend" who is now very angry because after my best friend and I had a big fight, I called the "boyfriend" and told him I had slept with my best friend for over a year. My best friend lied, said that wasn't true. The boyfriend wants my best friend out of my apartment asap. It seems too drastic.
It has been so weird. He is still deciding if he is going to move out. Says he has to be true to himself now. Says he is 100% gay. Seems weird that he would have been sleeping with me all this time and as much as he has if he were truly gay. Also wanted to have a child with me. Now he says he will never sleep with me again. Not sure if he truly will move out. He has stopped talking about the boyfriend. Trying my best to move on and not talk about anything. He is 36 and I am not sure he truly is gay. He had a great life far away and lived as a gay man. Now he is here.
