Hi everyone, i hope with my best that everyone is doing alright, i found in this forum useful and awesome people who gave me the best advice and i expect with all my hope you guys could lead me throught this road i've taken. Finally two months ago i decided to move in with my boyfriend who i had a long distance relationship and i visited him frrquently, he lives in a 5 hour trip far away city, and after a heartbreaking and a hurtful long road of familiar problems with my parents about my sexuality (dead threaths, fake facebook, blackmailing and phisical abuse),the sad things about them was they were a caring family and they gave me always what i needed except for that things. they wanted me for someone who i was not. Ifinishedcollege, graduated and made a plan of going to my boyfriend hometown. I was lucky enough to found an internship job inside a big company, the pay is not great but its good and there is future for me to have a better job there, so i'm thankful for that. When i came to this city i started living with my boyfriend who lives with his mom and his 2 brothers and 1 sister, and they didnt go to college and they have a grocery store, my boyfriends mom is really caring about me and my needs, i also have lend them money a couple of time because their bills are tight, and i just want to help them, they are a loving family and his mom always feeds me and makes me feel like at home. The thing is that is getting HARD to cope with this new life, i love my boyfriend and i always will but sometimes i just dont feel like im enough for him, he always says i should work out more i have a right kind of body but i'm 21 and i think my body has not been well developed, and always that we are watching some hot boy in tv or walking by our side he says the typicall comment "look how strong he is", "look at his arms", chest and he makes comments like... ahhmm sweetie please get me and ..... and im really hurt by this things, he once said that the only thing he needed is to felt satisfied by that, wich i know its true because i work out but for me is not enough, we see good looking boys on the street and tell me oh "hot guys, look there's the strong version of you". He tells me he loves me and i do it too, and i think i should be very thankful to him because he lets me stay in his place, but how can i OPEN HIS EYES to see that things are more than just a cute body, off course i'd love to be in the gym everyday but since i dont live with my family now there are other priorities like having a place on my own, a car and a nice life because i wanna work for it. But at the same time i think he is right because i dont find time and enough effort on having an excersiced body, i started to notice that the only thing he does and worries about is looks and im kinda dissapointed in that. I have talked to him about this but he says that he loves me the way i am, although he thinks im overreacting i think hes also right, and when i think deep inside myself i get so blue, i get this feeling on my chest about me comparing myself with those guys "the ones with big chest, excersided legs, nice arms ( those words that my boyfriend uses)" and i feel like im crap literally, although i have overcome so many challenges in my short life i think that aspect is necessary on me and since the person who i love the most in this life is telling me "i should put an effort" on it because is important. I know that when you have a partner in life both have to accept and put up with the other deffects, but this imperfection of me about my body and not being able to have it the way me and my boyfriend want it, its getting into my guts. How can i open my boyfriend eyes? and how can i find the strenght to take the comments he makes on the opposit site? Sometimes i feel im the one giving it all because i make everything he says but i cant do that in a fast track of time, of course i cant kiss him or say anything infront of his mom because i respect him and im living in his house. But i feel that if i mess up something everything is going to be wrong so i have to do somethings like changing my body in order to have a better life with my boyfriend and with myself. Sorry if i had to put you up through reading this, but there are so many mixed feelings inside of me and my chest, and confusion is hard to get out since i dont have friends in this town and the only one i know is my boyfriend and his family please help me. Thank you very much
Tough situation but it does sound like you both really like each other I would try talking to him again about it and how its affecting you whether he intends it or not, maybe saying that what he says means a lot to you and that you don't want to feel like he doesn't like the way you look. I'd also try looking at it less seriously- maybe you should point out a cute guy once in a while. Also try to take it less seriously and joke about it (when he mentions it laugh it off, or say something like he should go to the gym as well, etc). This is important: You should be comfortable in your own body, focus on what you think is important! Yet with that said maybe you two could go to the gym/exercise together, I see cute couples doing that at my gym all the time (I'm a little jealous lol)...its a good way to spend some time with each other and he might ease up on the comments Good luck!
