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Fear of commitment?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gallatin, Nov 18, 2012.

  1. Gallatin

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    Hello, fellow ECers. I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

    There's this girl that I know and like. We've hung out a few times over the past month, and this past week I was her date for her sorority date function. After that date function, I texted her and asked if she wanted to go on a date with me (yes, we've hung out and I was her date, but we haven't been on a real, one-on-one, planned date). Five days later, she finally replied (I had texted her twice in the interim) and said that she hadn't replied because she has a massive fear of commitment and freaked out when she got my message. However, after she thought about it, she realized she missed my company, and that one date wouldn't hurt.

    I'm honestly not sure how to proceed or what to say. I've never dated anybody with such a fear of commitment (seeing as how one date isn't really much of a commitment). I feel like I'm walking on eggshells - I don't want to say the wrong thing for fear of making her even more anxious and nervous. Any advice or tips? Thoughts on the right (or wrong) things to say?

    Thanks!
     
  2. cemma

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    I think by fear of commitment she probably means fear of failure.. If that relationship is broken or it doesn't work out, that's what she is scared of.

    If I were you, I would take her on a date, see how well you get along. Talk to her about it and how she feels. If she opens up to you your relationship will strengthen and it will be easier for her to not run away. And it also helps you to know where you stand and what you can do to help her.

    Likely it is because of past relationships or seeing her parents marriage fail so reassure her that you are not them, you are both your own people.

    There is no harm in getting to know someone.

    IDEK if that makes sense but I hope it helps :slight_smile: