I can't imagine how someone can hide their orientation for many years. It must be horrible. I've recently... sort-of accepted my orientation. I'm well aware of the fact that I'm a lesbian, and that my attraction to men just isn't there, but I'm not ready to fully accept it. It's only been a few months, and I already feel like I'm going crazy. Every time my parents are watching tv downstairs, I try to imagine going downstairs and coming out, but I get sick to my stomach. I feel like I could never come out. Everything would change. I wouldn't be that surprised if the majority of my family disowned me. My cousin was close to being disowned for being gay. I've been thinking a lot about dying lately, not to the point of getting things prepared, but... I just feel like my parents would hate me if they found out. I already feel useless, and I know that most of my family wouldn't really care if I died... But I'm scared. I don't know if I can do it. I feel like such a failure. My sister's coming home tomorrow for about a week, and she always likes to make me feel bad about myself, I don't think I can deal with it anymore. I don't know what to do.
I can totally relate to what you are going and ive gone through this for years. All I can say to be honest is hang in there and only you decide how you would live your life regardless whether you come out or not. Life is all about making choices even your own happiness
I know its hard I waited till I was living on my own that way they cant control or try to hurt me in any way hold in there you can do it I believe in you ok You are strong
i am going through the same thing.. less than a month ago i accepted that i like girls and not guys and i keep wanting to tell my family and everyone but i get so scared and i feel sick every time i think about actually doing it.. so yea i can totally relate.. my only advice to you would be to just hang in there and tell them when your ready and whether or not you come out just live your life your own way that you are happy. you can do it you are strong!
Trust me, I've been there and so has 99.9% of people on EC. You'll get through it, it's not easy, but you will. One day you'll realise that being a lesbian is who you are and regardless of whether people will accept you or not, you have to be yourself. I remember lying in bed, thinking to myself what it would be like to come to come out as gay (like yourself) and I'd also feel sick to my stomach and I got really bad anxiety. Now I've come to accept that it has to be done and I feel at ease (almost looking forward to it!) about telling them. Death isn't the answer, living is. You deserve to live your life just like anyone else can. I wish you all of the best, if you have any questions or want to talk, feel free to PM me or post on my wall.
