A Transgender Teen in Need of Guidance

I do not know how things are done where you go to school but you may be able to check into a GSA or other student or community group. The people in those are generally supportive and they understand wanting to wait to come out.
I do not know if that will work for you though.
If you truly believe your parents are transphobic than don't tell them yet. Wait until you build a proper support group for if things go badly (ie: someone to stay with, supportive friends)

I hope this helped a little. And I want you to know... Your "Macho act"... don't feel bad, a lot of trans* people do it to try to "fit in" to stereotypes and gender roles.... It does not mean they should be taken less seriously.
Welcome by the way. :welcome:

P.S. I dont see a reason for it affect a musician career. There are female musicians no? Are you not female? plus there are actually a few trans* people who have become musicians... it may be a little harder but it will be worth the work.

 

Hey, I wish I could help you with the family stuff, at 22 I'm still figuring out how best to handle that myself. I too come from a homophobic/transphobic family where liberal is a bad a word. Went to Catholic school and the whole thing. I would advise you to talk to your friend if you feel they would be supportive. I wish I had someone to confide in at that age, and if they are bisexual that should help them to be accepting.

As far as your "macho" appearance you tried to portray... I wouldn't worry too much about it. That's pretty common. When I was younger I kind of went through a stage of trying to be a redneck stereotype (not very well mind you). My dad took me out hunting all the time and I really ran with the ignorant Christian, Conservative, redneck, football/hockey/wrestling sports person. Pretty much I was the complete opposite of how I feel I am now. Its pretty common for transwomen to act macho to try to cover up for their gender insecurities. Another friend of mine got into skin head neo-nazi stuff as a result in high school.

If you feel you have a trusted adult you can talk to, a counselor or something of that nature, I would advise you to talk to them in confidence. If you could speak to a therapist that would be ideal. The sooner you can safely work out your gender identity, the better off you will be. I wish I had started dealing with my issues so much sooner.

If you have any other questions feel free to message me on my wall. Best of luck, Raisa (*hug*)

 

I see... then I would definately talk to a counselor about your feelings... I would also try to find a friend you think would be supportive and that you trust. As strange as it may sound, if there is another trans* person at your school (or area) that you think you may get along with, they may be helpful.

That is how I started. I met someone who was trans* and they made me feel more comfortable and come out to someone (besides them) Good luck!

 

This sounds to me like she's generally a cool/good/supportive person, but has ignorance on this one issue. All that means is that you'll have to educate her...or least that you'll be the reason she gets educated.

Yes, see a counselor. If you can, make sure it's someone with experience dealing with gender and sexuality issues (gender, really sounds like the important issue). They can help you figure out how to get your mom the information she needs to be more supportive.

 

Good golly we have similar issues! I started telling peeps i needed boy clothing and was a boy at 10. Puberty killed me. I went into closet about age 13, but lived in my head 2 lives...girl one...and thinking i am a boy who likes all stuf straight 13 year old American boys do. Didn't question until January, and in April looked up transgender and knew what I was. I am coming out on campus now, but not told mom. She has seen me in all mens clothing and said I look a lot like her dad. I go home December 16, with very short mens haircut. My pix are on my wall. Girl, I think your band needs a hot chick rocking it, to make more guys like it and girls too.

 

So Raisa, I'm Sammi.
I'm a metal musician too as it happens, and Evoken is one of my favorite bands. DOOOOOM <3
I hadn't heard about this site until 5 minutes ago, a friend linked me to this thread asking me if I could comment.
See, I came out in January. I was 19, I;m 20 now. My absolute biggest fear was how the local metal community would react. My fears were well founded, my band left me. (My mother is an extreme right winger but that doesnt matter anymore since I don't live with her. I know how hard it can be though to have parents like that.) I didn't let that stop me however. I started learning guitar and drums myself so I could still play. Almost a year later I still don't have a band. I have 7. 2 solo projects (one is a death/doom band like Dark Castle or Novembers Doom), i play drums and vocals for a groove metal band, i do vocals for a black metal band in sweden (its an internet band), and i play rhythm guitar in an alternative metal band, as well as a few other not totally formed projects. (if i get the OK, I'm more than happy to link you to them.)
Honestly, after i heard about Marissa from Cretin and Mina from Life of Agony, I was able to say FUCK IT and be like "ok, im gonna be happy and there's nothing stopping me". I used to hide behind a mask of hyper-masculinity too (i had the beard and everything ) but I couldnt do it anymore.
My advice to you (sorry about all the rambling), is that you find someone you can talk to. ASAP. It may be hard but you're at an age where you can reset things a LOT easier.
Sadly if your parents are transphobic, there's not much you can do until 18 hormone-wise but talking to someone you can trust can help. alot. Again, my apologies for all the rambling, im not the most eloquent woman around. I hope this helped you though.
-SammiCat :3

 

Hi Raisa. Welcome to EC

Before I begin, I should probably mention that I'm transgender.

Anyway, I know how you feel. I was in your position several years ago. If you are serious about going through transition (and make sure thats your choice, and no one tries to influence you in either direction), then you need to tell your parents. Your parents are transphobic, as are, unfortunately, many people who've never interacted with transpeople. But they are accepting of homosexuality, and that suggests to me that they can be educated. There is a fair amount of science that shows trans* people aren't sexually motivated to transition - transsexuality is thought to be a result of sex hormones in the womb around 6-8 weeks after conception. Be open and be prepared to answer questions. You may find that people change their minds when its their children who are trans.

The reason you need to tell your parents if you want to transition is that you need to try and get hormone blockers asap. This will prevent male puberty and mean that in later life, you'll pass easily. You won't be able to do this without parental consent, unfortunately. But be sure first. You don't need to deal with a family problem unless you are sure.

Good luck.

 

I cant really say how you should handle coming out, as its a very personal choice & unique for to evey trans person when they come out, but I can say that it shouldnt be too much of an issue, as Keith Caputo from Life of Agony came out as trans & now lives as Mina Caputo, and Life of Agony was quite a popular metal band, Mina even having collaborated with Within Temptation for a duet with Sharon Den Adel on the song What Have You Done. Also, Larry Wachowski, who co-directed the Matrix trilogy, is now transitioned & living as Lana Wachowski & the lead singer of Rise Against! also has come out as trans, so being trans isnt necessarily a career killer...

 

I know how you feel, I'm a metal lover too. But as for seeking help, I suggest seeing a counsellor. I'm doing that at the moment and it is the best thing in my week because I can tell them everything that I am feeling. I hope you get the help you are looking for

 

i ended up coming out on FB 1st time to a lesbian who was a friend of a college friend of mine. she saw my profile pix, which i had up as looking very female, and thought she saw something in my eyes not straight. since she was so bold to flat out ask me in a private message if i were a lesbian, i just told her "um nope, I am a guy. Can you keep a secret from X? I am transgender."
Sadly she didn't have a clue why I was "so complicated, just become a lesbian!" *rolls eyes* So don't be surprised if you have to explain what trans means.
But the interesting thing about coming out is after you have done it one time, the 2nd one you want to do is easier. for me that was my originally planned 1st, a long time gay buddy. he was happy for me, and yeah i was scared to say it when i saw him so i did it on fb too. But eventually i told somebody i did not know, and i did it in person. then Pride was coming, and even though i am not really into wild sorts of stuff i felt i needed to go just to show myself that all these people, like on EC, are not all scary like they show on TV. oh, some in the parade were really weird, but some were absolutely not. i came out face to face to a transwoman who won an award in Portland for achievement in helping transkids. she gave me a hug and said we find out all this when we are ready.
then here at university i have come out face to face with entire class, in a LGBT meeting, and to individuals who are Christians, and been surprised that nobody hates me, no body hurts me, and not all undy me...but so many instantly accepted me.
i have even been told i am cute!
from what i have heard, one thing in my experience seems to be true for most people: once you get over the fear of coming out to just one person, it becomes so much easier. it is like poking a hole in a water balloon, one it is pierced, the water will come out smoothly and easily on its own.
i know how you feel in this first one...you can plan one person to be "it" and it could end up you can't do it and feel low...or you could just say it like it was no big deal, who knows?
Enjoy your last Thanksgiving as a not-out "guy"...next year it will be like me, my 1st Thanksgiving out and me.