hey i was wondering if anyone would be willing to share a little more about realizing being gay later in life. for me it seemed to come out of nowhere- my attraction to this woman in particularly cuz i never felt attracted to other women- had some fantasies but, never felt compelled to act on them. I have also been going through alot of emotional turmoil - primary care giver to chronically ill father, crappy sexless and loveless marriage, depression etc... and she has been there for me in so many ways. And i have felt better about my life and myself ever since i admitted my feelings for her and we started this relationship. I had been feeling like "there's gotta be more to life than this" and now i feel more satisfied with life, i have a better outlook about myself, i feel more confident etc...... but then i worry that maybe i'm "acting out" like kids do when things in life suck for them- instead of turning to drugs for comfort i'm acting out sexually. I don't know... i'm confused. maybe i shouldn't even worry about where this came from but, that's me, that's what i do. so all you later in lifer's please share your experience and wisdom- i would appreciate it so much.
You're not acting out. In fact, you're doing something much grander and healthier... You’re breaking out!(!) :eusa_danc (!) I don't know much about coming out later in life... but I know a lot about how not being aware of your own sexuality can affect your life. I was depressed for 6 years because of it. I know that you depression comes from your father, your love life, and your sex life; but it also came from not knowing your sexuality. That's why you’re so much more satisfied with your life. You're letting live a part of you that has always existed. This might have something to do with your relationship with your husband. If you’re a lesbian, a relationship with a man is going to be impossible. But let’s not jump the gun and assume that we’re gay. Many people aren’t aware that it’s possible to be attracted to both men and women. You probably are; which might be why you’ve never really noticed women before. If this is the case, then the lack of love and sex in your relationship with your husband happened because you both stopped communicating. Tell him you feel there isn’t enough expression of love. Tell him how he can make you feel more loved. Chances are he may have the same feelings and he may want more too. If communication is the issue with sex as well, then your sex life will heal too. If not, it’s going take more time, but most importantly, it’s going to take a GREAT amount of kindness and patience. When you’re talking to him, try your best to avoid words that might unintentionally impose blame. I’ve told you all that I know, and I hope it helps. Good Luck!
Twister, No worries my friend..........each of us in our own time. Only we will know the day the hour the moment. Then all at once............the doors open! & "life begins" on a whole new level. It took me 42 yrs to do this! Happier than ever before Be good to you I'm here for support! Stay Strong & Press On! :icon_wink Suede7 Delray Beach, FL.
Twister, you are definitely not alone. I am in my early 40’s and have only now begun to accept who I really am. I fought it for years and only recently decided that it was at the heart of my depression. Seeing a therapist has helped. I think it was harder for people in our generation to come out as teens (not that it is a complete walk in the park today), but looking back I sure wish that I had done it then. Similar to you, I have also been going through a lot of significant turmoil in other areas of my life, including a divorce. For me, I think it is all somehow related. Coming to terms with who I am and accepting that there is nothing wrong with it has improved my self-esteem and overall sense of well-being. I am also confused as I go through this process of learning about myself. Part of it is that I am attracted to both men and women. On the one-hand, I want to explore the gay side of me, yet my natural inclination is to be with a woman. I am not stressing over it, though. I am going to just roll with it and see where it leads me, one day at a time.
Ah yes, gay in later life!! I'm not sure if I was always gay or not...I was a serial womaniser, a drunk, a very model of masculinity until about 12 years ago. I don't know what happened then...I had a single experience which I found so different and so thrilling, I wanted to repeat it again and again. I've now been exclusively gay for 11 years!
I didn't come out until my late twenties. Up until then I'd been thinking there was something wrong with me because I wasn't really interested in men. I just never thought I could be gay, even though I'd been having feelings for other women for a while. I hadn't put it together. Figuring it out was the most freeing event of my life. It was scary too, I won't deny that, but I wouldn't go back to pretending to be straight for anything. It took realizing I was in love with my best friend for me to accept what I was. I'm still not quite over her, but I did start a new relationship in the last few months. It's been a bit rocky and very scary, but I'm easing into it.
I'm one of those people - figuring it out later in life. I was 35 when I finally admitted that I was gay. You can look up some of my older threads... it's an interesting story. I was married for 10 years, had two beautiful little girls, a golden retriever, a house in the burbs, a Volvo wagon... and had denied my whole life that I was gay. Now that I've accepted it I feel better than I ever have. It helps that I've met someone in a similar situation, and we are both discovering for the first time what it's really like to be totally and completely in love with another person. Good luck. You'll love it here. I certainly do.
I was 45 when I put on some heels, sprayed on some perfume and walked out into the L.A. Night as a woman, and I've never turned back, although I've stalled a little.... That decision saved my life: I finally wanted to live and stopped killing myself with drugs and alcohol... life begins anew....ain't it grand? D
The other thing to remember is that sexuality is not always 'black and white'. Some people will be exclusively to predominantly heterosexual or homosexual. Others (Google the Kinsey Scale) will fall somewhere inbetween. It is quite possible for many people to fall for a kind heart/caring person/kindred spirit...and maybe wind up a little confused because the person's qualities are more important than their gender...or the previously accepted 'norms' of what society expects. It sounds as if you have found someone quite special to you. I'd just try and enjoy that - and worry less about trying to give your orientation a 'label' or put your sexuality in a neat little box. :icon_bigg
I realize this post is just insanely old but I felt compelled to share a bit about me if it helps anyone. I have only recently in the last couple years come out to myself and some friends and family at a trans woman inside. I still live as a guy and im considering transition. We'll see. Most of my life I just figured 'those people are crazy' and when I finally saw a video about why someone transitioned I thought 'I've had those thoughts all my life'. I have a stepbrother that came out as gay when I was about 15 at the same time I had the words 'I want to be a girl' on the tip of my tongue. My father had made sure to tell me he would be 'very dissappointed' if I ever came out as gay. I never said it, and spent the next 16 years trying to figure out why I just didn't care about dating women all that much. I dated a few, but could never admit what I really deeply felt. I'm a (mostly) straight woman that likes men but only 'as a woman'. There were clues early on when I would be around a couple guys and have fantasies or this amazing warm feeling from being around them but it was rare and I passed it off. Even if you do nothing don't deny your true nature; It's not authentic and you have nothing to be ashamed of. These things take time to figure them out. Don't hate yourself for not figuring it all out sooner. The brain has an amazing way of coping with what it cannot control to ensure 'survival' in society.
