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So messed up

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ruby Dragon, Nov 20, 2012.

  1. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Initially came out as lesbian to one or two friends

    Then came out to others as bisexual

    Changed my FaceBook "interested in" to "men and women" and then to "women"

    Came out to a few others as lesbian

    Now I'm at a stage where I've realized I'm actually not gay at all and now have to try and save whatever I can and fix my "mistakes" of what I came out as. Changed my "interested in" back to "men" and accompanied that with a status message: "No, I'm not gay, I'm a tomboy" Got quite a few comments and likes on it, so I don't know. I just think everybody is thinking, WTF???? Because I feel like I just cannot make up my damn mind and I'm just messing up everyone else's life (because my decisions affects all the people close to me, not only myself). I got a lecture from my mom and sister about the things I posted and changed on FB and I just don't get it. I thought they of all people would be happy that I turned out to NOT be gay??? My life is just such an enormous mess at the moment and I wish I could turn back time to when I initially started coming out and then just stop myself from coming out in the first place. That would've saved everyone a lot of confusion and would make my life so much less complicated. Having to come out again and again and again and..... is exhausting!!! I just don't know where my life is headed and what will happen next. I'm hoping this was the last change because it's really getting old now. And I'm so not going to change anything anywhere again! :bang:
     
  2. biAnnika

    Full Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yes. I think it would be wise to stop making proclamations and declarations about your sexuality and interests, when all seems to be in such flux for you. I would recommend that, rather than continuing to update and make changes as they occur, you just delete the old ones...all of them.

    You simply cannot know the path that your life is destined to take...and in lots of important ways, you don't get to decide (although you do make a lot of choices). So recognize that your life is in flux, and you are in the process of making self-discoveries, and you won't know the final outcome for a while yet...and then just relax and enjoy the ride. Life is fascinating in its proclivity to throw things at you out of left field.
     
  3. Lexington

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    Since you've changed quite a bit, in various directions, over the years, I'd second the idea of making proclamations or announcing "and that's my final answer". You might list your sexuality as "fluid", for instance, or say "currently interested in guys". If that never changes again, it's still accurate. :slight_smile:

    As for anyone who questions your current status, just be forthcoming about it. "I thought you were gay." "Yeah, you and me both! But I've been interested in exclusively guys for some time now."

    Lex
     
  4. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Location:
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    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think in the end, my mother was right... I was (and am) going through an identity crisis. Though it's usually something that happens during adolescence, it's probably not uncommon among adults. I already have a mental condition to deal with too, and that may also be playing a huge role in all of this. I don't know. I'm just really messed up at the moment :tears::bang:
     
  5. Capichino

    Regular Member

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    I once watched a video on the inter net once just like this
     
  6. Lexington

    Full Member

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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    We'd all love to have all the answers to everything, right now. And sometimes we don't. Sometimes we don't know what the hell is going on. Not just with our sexuality, but with any or every aspect of our lives. But here's the thing - that's OK. You're allowed not to have all the answers. It's OK to be unsure. There's nothing wrong with that. Allow yourself to not know. Be at peace with your uncertainty. It's not like you haven't given it enough thought. :slight_smile: So let it rest, to the best of your ability. Leave the question mark next to your sexuality, and go on with your life. If you find someone (of either gender) attractive, don't go into analyst mode, trying to figure out what this new bit of information might mean. Just enjoy it. "S/he's hot." Cool. Enjoy it. Looking at and thinking about hot people is supposed to be enjoyable, damnit. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  7. inlove21

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Atlanta
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yea I agree with the above statements with not making big announcements. Just leave whatever is on facebook on there and lI've liking whatever u like at the moment. When people ask I would say I like everyone?maybe?