1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Not quite sure what to do about my friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Meg, Nov 20, 2012.

  1. Meg

    Meg
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2012
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey,
    So some may have read I came out to one of my quite religious friends last weekend (unfortunately alcohol was a factor in this.) Her response was yuck, disgusting and nasty. I was upset at her reaction but not overly surprised. I confided in another friend who I've already told and she then went to talk to other said friend. (Wow I hope you're not as confused as I am!)

    Friend A told my other friend that she was fine with it and the reason she hadn't been talking to me much was because of an date she'd had a few days earlier with a guy. I really do want to believe this but the logical side of me says it's not true and she does have a problem with it. The day after I told her she announced she was moving into the university accommodation next year (we were all talking about moving in together). I could be reading too much into that though, her uni is in a different part of the city to mine. I really do know that I need to sit down and talk to her but after how horrible the first (two) times talking to her about it went, is it worth attempting a third? Or do I brush this away and just continue to be her friend? She has always said she needs me around for support and stuff. I'm a bit of a motivator with some of my friends, helping them get jobs, apply to uni (it's all their talents that gets them these things, I just give them the encouragement to try.)

    I'm just really confused about it all now, seriously questioning if I'm gay, or just leaning towards women at the moment, I just don't find men attractive at the moment. I'm going through a bit of an overwhelmed stage with it all, I haven't told my parents either or anyone in my family. Some of my friends have been very supportive which has been great too :slight_smile: It's just those one or two that hurt more. I feel better when I start running and doing heaps of exercise, it's a good outlet and probably a relatively healthy way to deal release stress :slight_smile:

    Thanks everyone, you're all gems!
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! Sorry to read that your friend didn't react very well to your coming out. Given what you have said, I'd suggest creating a bit of distance and letting her come to you. I wouldn't try talking to her again and just let it be for now.

    If you are still unsure about your feelings that seem to go back and forth, you want to surround yourself with friends that you know are supportive. As you have realized, it doesn't help you to have a discussion with your friend because it only leaves you to wonder more about her actions or statements.

    I know it is going to be hard to create a bit of distance, but that might also help her to realize that by doing the things she does, she is the one who is going to lose out in the end.
     
  3. Meg

    Meg
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2012
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thanks Mirko :slight_smile: Some good advise there! I haven't spoken to her all that much since the party and when we do she's usually the one to initiate the conversation. I just wish she'd admit to my other friends that she's got a problem with it rather than telling them she's fine with it but then having a totally different reaction with me. It makes me look like I'm being dramatic or something when I try to be anything but. So yeah, I think distance is going to be the best option for now, hopefully can work through it all in time.