Sleeping with my GF and thinking about a boy.

For me it was a boyfriend, I got violently ill every time we tried to kiss. I gagged and almost vomited on him during it. I spent the whole time trying to think about human physiology (either cardiac circulation or glomerulus filtration generally) every time just to get through. I eventually gave up, I can't imagine a gf who freezes and clams up every time you touch her is much more fun for him then it is for me.

 

I know what you mean about feeling uncomfortable during the act. If you're thinking about a guy while you're being intimate with your girlfriend, your body is going pick up on that. I think about women while I'm having sex with my boyfriend. It's the only way that I can have an orgasm. Sometimes, I'm left sexually unsatisfied, but it doesn't bother me really. I'm more into the companionship of relationships regardless of gender. However, I prefer relationships with women, but I'm so picky.

I mean, I'm somewhat happy, but I feel like there is something missing. The relationships that I have had with men always lacked an emotional connection. It seems like I connect with men in a different way than I connect with women. And I think that's what you're missing--an emotional and or sexual connection with a guy. I'm talking to a girl and she feels that void for me. Enough about me, I think you should put yourself out there and meet a guy. I'm not saying go cheat on your girlfriend, but you need to figure out if you really want to be with a man or a woman? I'm not cheating because the girl I'm talking to knows how I feel and so does my boyfriend. It's been a struggle and it's not going to be easy, but you owe it to yourself to be happy and fulfilled. Would your girlfriend be okay with you exploring your sexuality?

I know it's a lot to ask of someone because no one wants to share anyone. Just be honest with yourself and your girlfriend, so that way no one gets hurt.

 

this hasn't happened to me but i've heard people describe that situation before, it seems quite common. maybe you're not into girls or, only into them emotionally and not sexually? if you've ever been with a guy, was it any different?
also, i love the avatar!

 

Yes I used to do the exact same thing, think about hot girls while having sex with my boyfriend (when we used to have sex). Eventually it started taking more and more concentration though (maybe my imagination got worse as I got older or something?)

In order to orgasm, Ive always had to think about another woman. For a long time I thought this was normal for "straight girls". I dont know why I though it was normal

 

When you watch straight porn are you positive you get off to the woman? I know this is an odd question but have you watched lesbian porn? I only ask because if that doesn't really get you off, or even turn you on, it is possible when you're watching the straight pornography, perhaps you're subconsciously focusing on the guy without realizing it and that's why you're able to get off. I was str8 porn sometimes though completely gay, because the guys in those videos are extremely hot and so watching them gets me off. Just my own thoughts tho, don't take my word for it but given it's a continuing problem it is possible you may be bisexual or even gay...

 

Well I myself used to watch straight porn when I was confused and tried to convince myself that I was focused on the girl, I so wasn't! Girls don't repulse me, but don't get me excited either.

Are you actually attracted to men? Or do you just think of them whilst having sex? That could just be your subconscious trying to scare you into thinking you could be. Open yourself to the idea that you could be bi or even gay and see how you feel - don't try put it into a box in the back of your mind. Hope you work things out.

 

I've never had sex, But I was close several times. I'd always stop.

I would get really hyped up at the thought. But when it came to actually going through with it I could not and would not do it.

 

Well I struggle physically to have sex with girls :icon_redf and there's no emotional connection so I've given up on that. I know what Lewis means about watching straight porn though, I used to do that all the time even though I was watching the guys, I just couldn't bring myself to look up gay porn.

I guess my advice would be to find a boyfriend, easier said than done though!

Oh and yeah, The Smiths have helped me a lot, the self titled album in particular is soo gay :icon_bigg

End of the pier, end of the bay
You tug my arm, and say
"Give in to lust, give up to lust
oh heaven knows we'll soon be dust..."
Oh, I'm not the man you think I am
I'm not the man you think I am

^^ How I feel when I have to turn girls down.

 

yeah i'm a smiths fan! morrissey's lyrics and their music's such a comfort eh, what would life be without them eh

it could well be that you just don't like girls that way. it's not always so black and white, sexuality and love, for me i've never really been in love with a girl but i find them attractive, so it's about the opposite, there are really many variations...
it seems if you're gonna find out, you'll have to leave your girlfriend, and if you actually do love her that might feel like a good idea - tricky situation really. i'd say spend some time thinking about it and you'll come to a conclusion

 

Hi there - welcome back. It seems to me that this isn't getting any better or easier for you. But I have to ask why you think you feel this way:

Why would you rather not do it? If in fact you are gay, why wouldn't you want to acknowledge that and live your life that way? You live in the same part of the country that I do - one of the most accepting places on the face of the earth - so I'm wondering why you're still stuck in this mindset?

Because the fact of the matter is you're probably gay. Yet you seem to be prepared to continue subjecting yourself to the discomfort of your relationship to avoid admitting it or dealing with it. It might be worth exploring - even hypothetically - what coming out would be like and why you're so opposed to doing so.

It's like pulling off a bandaid. You can agonize over it if you want - but eventually it's going to come off, one way or the other. If you rip it off you can get on with whatever else you need to do (i.e. living your life) or you can pull at it, yanking one hair at a time, contemplating whether or not you should just stick it back down and deal with it at a later date...

 

Personally I had this problem over the summer. I have been trying to figure out the EXACT same thing in terms of my sexuality. I personally came to the conclusion that if I can't FULLY connect to the girl I was dating, then there needed to be a change. I had to endure a very bad and public break up that, luckily, didn't push me out the closet. I had to be honest with myself(which is way I'm here on this site).

As for you,
I think you should be honest with yourself and explore what you are feeling. Better now than when you have children and a wife to figure in the equation.