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My dad asked again.....lol

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kylegf2011, Nov 21, 2012.

  1. kylegf2011

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    I decided Im not going to tell my parents yet because I depend too much on them, and they´re very homophobic. But my dad asked me again like for the 7th time :eusa_doh: why doesn´t he say he already knows and gets it over with.

    Im not going to tell him now, maybe if he asked differently I would be he asks as if it is something to be extremely worried about. Like, I bought red pants the other day, and he asked me if I was gay, but really worried. He said Im too worried about my image and some of the clothes I wear are very gay...which is not true but whatever lol. And he was like... But you do like girls right? An youre not gay right?? I just kind of laughed and asked him why he asked me this, and that if he really thought clothes determined a person´s sexuality and he just said but you´re not gay right?? like really worried, and he said that I never answered him without getting nervous. I told him I wasn´t.... yea I know :dry: but I mean come on, I´ve told him no like ten thousand times, and he´s still asking :eusa_doh:, he just doesn´t want it to be true.

    Later that day a girl passed by, and she caught my attention, she was very pretty, I looked at her because she was really pretty, the typical girl that catches everyones attention, and does not necesarily mean you like her, and he said "It makes happy and relieved to see you checking that girl out" I was like.... yea whatever :thumbsup: And he kept talking about girls, and asking me what I though of them and insisting on it :dry:

    What do you guys think about this?? I wanted to talk to somebody about it, and you guys are all I have at the moment :icon_redf thankyou for reading :slight_smile:
     
  2. myheartincheck

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    Sounds kinda like how my parents were before I came out to them... lol They weren't really worried I guess but they would always hint and tease me like "If I had a gay child I'd be sad but I think I'd still accept them" and stuff like that...

    I think when you do come out to your dad when you choose to he might have had some time to get used to the idea lol Ive found that when people already kinda thought I was they're generally more accepting once I tell them but I don't know about your dad. :confused:
     
  3. runallday4

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    Ewww... I would be really grossed out if my parents wanted to talk with me about boys or girls haha.

    Anyways, I'm in the closet also, and my dad asked me once, and I denied it, and he hasn't asked again since. My parents wouldn't have a problem with it, but I just think it'd make some awkward situations, so I'm waiting till I go off to college. When I think about it, I'm sure my parents have to know on some level. I'm not super flamboyant, but there have been enough signs that someone who's lived with me this long should be able to tell. Regardless, they haven't asked me again.

    My thoughts on your situation would be although you don't have to come out, don't try too hard to trick your dad. The only think you'll accomplish is getting his hopes up, and then having him even more confused when you finally do come out. If I were you I would personally just try to avoid the topic of who you're attracted to, telling him that you don't want to talk about it with your dad whenever he brings it up.
     
  4. Gleeko0

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    My mom is like that <_< I mean, the part where she asks about girls and stuff. I mean, she knows it but its sooooo annoyin when she asks my opinion about that one girl going down the street.

    Even my female friends are affected by this <_< she is always asking if I wouldn't like one of them to be my girlfriend or whatever.

    Annoying! Annoying! Annoying!
     
  5. Pat

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    He knows and you should tell him. Sometimes we get a little too selfish with this secret of ours. If he's asking, be honest and talk to him. Tell him how much you love him and that you're not going to change as a person. He is worried. I'm gay and I'd be worried if I thought my son was gay. They want you to be "normal" and not have to go through things unjustly. Or it could be for personal satisfaction on his behalf, either way..if he asks, you should tell him.
     
  6. Closet88

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    Wow, I can relate to you so much! My dad is always asking if I'm gay. No matter how many times I deny it the fact that I never bring girls home makes him keep asking. Like your dad, he is homophobic, so it is easier for me to just deny it. But he just asks all the time, and it feels so awkward. I know one day I am just going to shout it out to him! I don't know if you feel the same?

    If you wanna chat more feel free to write on my wall, I always find it useful chatting to people I can relate to.
     
  7. Chip

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    Kyle, how many times do we have to go through this?

    They totally, totally know, and they've known for some time. Your dad is desperately hoping it isn't true, but he knows the truth. And you keep subjecting yourself -- and them -- to this misery, and playing these games, and lying... and everybody in the house *knows* you're lying, including you. It really isn't fair to them, and it's incredibly selfish on your part.

    So why the bullshit? Clearly you aren't fooling anyone.

    Give your parents -- and yourself -- a gift. Tell them. If you can't do it in person, write a short note, or even a text, and say "The other day you asked, and I was too afraid to say no. I know you already know, but I'm tired of denying it, so yes, I'm gay.

    THat's all it will take. And they've obviously already spent a bunch of time processing it themselves, so I don't think it's even going to be unpleasant for maybe more than a day or two... and then, it will be over, you won't have to go thorugh this misery, and they can quit worrying about how to get you to admit it.
     
  8. Joey4

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    To echo what everyone else says, nobody is stupid. Even though people seem dumb sometimes, they're actually pretty smart. If you look gay - and by looking at your picture, you do - and you act gay and you wear stereotypical gay clothes, people start to notice the differences.

    You're mad that those things shouldn't determine a sexuality and they shouldn't..but unfortunately they've revealed the truth before you've had a chance to. That's why they're stereotypes.

    I know what it's like the hang on to a defense. Now that I'm letting my guard down, it's great. I don't always have to pretend not to like something that is stereotypical gay. I have at least two friends that love and support me no matter what. You're younger than I was when I accepted it. Much younger. Don't deprive yourself on missing out on life for no reason, because you really don't have one.
     
  9. kylegf2011

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    Why don´t they just say they know?? I mean if they showed any sign of being ok with it I would tell them, but imagine if they do know :eek: why do they still show the disgust for gays when they have the chance?? are they offending me on purpose then? I just don´t know how they would react to it if I told them, and I really don´t need them against me right now :icon_sad:
     
  10. inlove21

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    I agree and think they already know also. They don't want to come out and say it because of that little wiper of possibility that you may not be. Then they would offend you. But I think you should come out and*tell them. Maybe over dinner at a restaurant, or write them a letter and give it to them on your way out for school.?
     
  11. Lad123

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    I think this is an insensitive post from you Chip. Although you mean well, I found this really unsupportive because you are basically shouting at Kyle and calling him '"selfish" for not coming out. If he is not ready to come out then that is fine, you don't berate people for not doing so. Now that you are openly gay, I think you just forgot how difficult it is when you were in the closet.
     
  12. Chip

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    This is one of those complicated situations. They know, without question. They hope it isn't true, but they know. So there's this really thin veneer of denial, that as long as you don't acknowledge it, they can still convince themselves it isn't true. And all the "You're not gay, are you?" stuff is trying to convince themselves that you're really straight, even though they know otherwise. I mean... red pants? :slight_smile:

    See, what I'm saying is, all three of you are really unhappy and uncomfortable. You, because you're keeping something from them. Them, because they're stuck in the purgatory of knowing-but-not-getting-confirmation.

    And that, too, is why they keep saying the negative things they're saying. It's not for your benefit; it's for their own benefit. As part of the denial, they convince themselves, unconsciously, that if they reject it and talk about how awful it is, that it won't be true.

    But... they know that's a lie, because they keep asking you. And in an earlier thread, you talked about your mom acknowledging you have different beliefs than they do. And there have been a million other signs as well.

    So you ask why they don't just tell you they know. They are telling you. Dozens of times. Every time they ask you if you're gay, they're telling you, in essence, that they know. They will never come out and say "We know you're gay" both because... that would be presumptuous, and because they are still trying to cling to denial.

    Lad123 is right... it's your decision as to when you come out, and you can stay in the closet for the next 50 years if you want... but what I'm trying to say is, you aren't fooling anyone, and the secret has long been out... and all you're doing is making everyone miserable by not acknowledging it. If you were happily closeted and everyone's denial was working, I wouldn't be twisting your arm, but you're miserable in the closet, they know and are miserable that you won't tell them, so nobody is happy where things are at the moment. And that's why I think it's the right time to quit with the façade.
     
  13. TheFirstStep

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    Lol. My mom has asked me on more than a couple occasions whether or not I had Something to tell her.

    And both times ended with me telling her that everything was fine. I've been letting this go on for too long, so I've basically made it a point to myself to commit to what I need to say if she were to ask again.

    I don't like living to my mom, so the least I can do is to just cut the bull.
     
  14. GingerGuy

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    Well, I haven't come out to my parents yet, but my father directly asked me if I was gay once. I chickened out. He told me he would accept me, but I saw the worry in his eyes at the time. And it was only because I wanted to wear a scarf "as a matter of style". But yep, my parents are pretty desperate about why I don't seem interested in a girlfriend, and often tell me I should date pretty much any girl from my school that they know. I'm always giving excuses or staying in silence. My dad has a very fiery temper, I wonder how it will be...
     
  15. Capichino

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    Most ppl say that u should come out when u whant to but lots also say that if they ask u u should tell them but it just depends too