In terrible need of advice

Hey ricewolf. I'm afraid I don't have much advice for you, as I've never suffered from severe depression. When you find yourself feeling jealous of others' relationships, maybe you can remind yourself of all the great things about being single, like not having to compromise w/ someone else all the time. That has worked for me.

I am pretty sure that was totally useless to you, but I just wanted to respond b/c I know that when I feel really low and need to vent, it feels good knowing that someone out there is listening. Hope you get some good advice from others and that these low moments pass you by soon.

 

Hi ricewolf,

Don't know how much I can help but here are a few thoughts that come to mind. Even if you live in Death Valley, you should have made some friends in the last year. If not, it's time to get off line and out the door, at least once in a while. Go where people are, concerts, sporting events, school functions. There must be something even in the smallest town.

The issue of jealousy followed by depression is more complicated and may need some professional counseling. However, it begins with your own attitude. Whenever someone I know has good fortune, a new partner, finds a job, whatever, I'm happy for them and share their joy. Once in a while, I might be frustrated by my own lack of success but I know that I'm the one that can change it:bang: The idea is to learn what other folks did to achieve that success and try to make similar things happen in your own life. Yeah, that's easier said than done but it's no reason to become depressed or suicidal.

Your biggest need seems to be finding a person you can share good and bad times with, someone to confide in. A counselor can't help much if you only give them half of the story. The fact that you shared your thoughts here is already a step in the right direction. You have recognized the problem. Now you need to find some real friends (or relatives) who will take the time to help you with solutions.

Hope that helps a little bit(*hug*) .

Lorenz

 

Hey ricewolf,

don't worry so much about having made a bad impression in the past. We all do stupid things. That doesn't give us a permanent reputation for being stupid. More important is what you do today or tomorrow. There are numerous public and private organizations that are always looking for volunteers, good causes, charity, environmental clean-up, etc. Those are great places to meet new and familiar folks and leave an entirely new and positive impression.

Try taking a self-inventory of what you like to do. Then look for where you can participate in those kinds of activities, even if it's one town over. It really comes down to how much effort you're willing to invest in making life more fun. I've met new friends when I least expected it. The rewards are well worth the effort.

Hang in there!

Lorenz

 

Well then, perhalps now would be a wonderful time for you to get outside and start figuring that out.

What are some of the things you have at least tried, whether you like them or not? Any sports? Theatre? Music?

 

Yeah, extracirriculars are really good for making friends. I actually really got to know my now best friend through theatre. Even if you try something and don't find you like it, it'd be worth it if you got to know and become friends with some cool people. And, you might try something new, find you love it, and then get both the benefits of doing an activity you love and the opportunity to make friends with some really cool people who share that interest.

 

Hi ricewolf.

You're a young gay guy in a small farming community man, that's hard. After a while it might feel like no matter what you do, you're constrained. So to be told "get over it" sounds ridiculous and impossible. On top of that, at 16 you're really coming across more complex types of thoughts. But! It won't be like that forever. When you get older your options are going to increase and you'll find answers.

But what about now? Well the biggest thing you need to think about right now is your suicide attempts. Have you really given it alot of thought as to what it means? It sounds corny, but when you find yourself in the mood to contemplate, try and think of a reason for you, personally, to live for. It can be the smallest thing, like you wouldn't ever hear your music again. Or it could be something you've always wanted to do that you wouldn't be able to if you killed yourself.

As for your reactions to hearing about other peoples relationships, thats really something you have to look at if you want to understand why you're so depressed and what you can do about it.

You've been put in a tough position man, I won't say to you "it's you, get over it" because it's wrong. But you're in that town right now, and you have to find a way to exist within it until the time comes when you can leave. Sometimes growing up in a small town creates geniuses because by being so introspective in their younger years, they eventually have a strong inner knowledge and usually a strong skill in artistic creativity and wisdom. If you direct your mind in the right way, you'll be able to find things that you can excel in -- things that make you happy -- even from within your home.

 

But that's just it - there are all kinds of things that could happen in life that you can't "expect" right now because you've been stuck in a small community and you can't imagine them. Which is absolutely no fault or shortcoming of yours; it's just a reflection of the reality you've experienced so far. You've had the very bad luck to be born into a locale where you don't fit in, but there are lots of places in the world where you'd fit in just fine, or where at the very least you could live the way you wanted to without interference. So... try to stick it out. In a couple of years you'll be able to move, and you can explore the world a bit and find like-minded people and more friendly environments. I'm not going to lie and tell you the world is always a wonderful place, because it most certainly isn't, as anyone who's ever read a newspaper or watched the evening news knows. But it's much better than you've been able to experience it so far.

And as far as people not sharing your musical tastes: I'm a professional country/folk/blues guitar player, and let me tell you, my gay friends don't get or like the music that I play AT ALL! :lol: But that's the kind of music that I've always connected with, so I've stopped caring about anybody else's opinion. Find the things in literature and music and art that speak to you, and don't worry what anybody else thinks. I can tell you from personal experience that finding writers, musicians and artists who are kindred spirits can go a long way towards easing a person's loneliness and sense of isolation.

 

DONT KILL YOURSELF. WE LOVE YOU. THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR YOU!

You're not gonna live in the middle of nowhere for the rest of your life. When you do get out there, come out to a few people, make some friends, life will be worth living. HANG IN THERE. try and survive on cyber hugs until you can get out into the world.

xoxo.

 

well look i hope u read this. my name is jeremy and i went from the big city to a small farming community. i have lived here for 3 years now and it took me more than a year to make close friends. then it took me two more years to tell themi was gay. everything takes times just give it time and be yourself i know that is a lame thing to say but i have to say it and screw the counselors they didnt help me out any either i would just go home and drag another blade acroos my wrist but i found other ways to let out my depression for me it was music i turned to metal music. by the way anti depressent pills never worked on me. then i thought of my childhood and i remembered there was one person i could go to and it seemed he always had the answer waitin for me and a solution now i dont want to get all religious but i turned to God after i had spent a lot of time away from him and now i couldnt be happier yes, there is still drama yes, people still talk bout me it a small town like i said i expect nothin less but none of that bothers me now that i found him. my scars have healed up and it just seems like that part of my life is officially gone. never lose hope if u lose everything else never lose hope and remember God will always be with u

 

Wow, old topic.

 

I don't think he's going to read this thread dude. Last Activity: 10th Sep 2006 06:05 PM

 

^ Yes - and I seriously doubt the original poster will see any further posts - he hasn't visited EC since his last post in this thread 2 years ago.