I am bisexual, of which I am fairly certain after a lot of personal reflection and coming out to my boyfriend several months ago. I love my boyfriend but I have urges to explore my attraction to females...all the time. I have never been with a girl. I would never want to replace my boyfriend, but I constantly have lesbian fantasies, and I have no lesbian friends. Very few of my friends even know I am bi. I feel like that part of me is suppressed and I don't really know what to do about it. I have lesbian dreams a lot and I almost always get off by thinking about girls in bed with my boyfriend. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and he knows me better than anyone. His family knows me very well and my parents really approve of him. I don't want to mess up our relationship, but I do feel confused about my sexual identity. If I did mess things up with him, the consequences seem unfathomable to me. We are best friends, and without him I'd have few other people to turn to... Advice, anyone?
Well, I think you need to just keep doing the honorable thing and be faithful to him. This is what sucks about our orientation... One possibility is that you can float the idea of an open relationship to him. I don't recommend that you dump him to have sex with a woman.
If you're thinking about girls while sleeping with him, though, something is wrong. That's not fair to him, and something you need to figure out if you want to continue your relationship.
@pandas do you feel attracted to men sexually at all though? I ask this because I also had constant lesbian fantasies and dreams, and thought about women while having sex with my ex boyfriend. I realized though that I actually NEVER fantasize about men. Im still a little unsure that I am a full lesbian though because I really do love him and want to stay with him. How did you come to the conclusion you were bisexual?
Agreed. Dumping him over my curiosity would be a bad decision, especially since I love him and don't want to end up hurting the both of us. I know, I feel guilty about that...I initiate sex with him sometimes, but I don't exactly know how sexually attracted I am to him. He's so cute, he's like a big teddy bear. He's not overweight, but he doesn't diet or exercise. He is in decent physical condition, though. Once, a long long time ago, before we dated, I asked if he would ever be into a threesome, and he said "yes" but didn't express actual interest or disinterest. I think maybe I should talk to him about this some day. It kind of sucks. But it's nice to at least have someone! After reading this I got this weird realization that I literally never fantasize about men. Hmm. Like not once ever. I don't know if that is weird or not. I decided I'm bi a few months ago because I know that I am romantically/sexually attracted to both guys and girls. I feel that I could potentially fall in love with either a man or a woman. And I have a lot of girl-on-girl fantasies. I told my boyfriend I was bisexual and it was kind of hard for me but he was really understanding. I also told my best friend.
@pandas....you sound exactly like me. But I always thought bisexuals would have fantasies about both sexes. So I kind of came to the conclusion I must be gay, because I literally CANT have sex without thinking about women (like, my body refuses it and it hurts). I guess if I get into a relationship with a woman, and THEN start fantasizing about men, that would be proof I really am bisexual.
Yeah, I hear that you're in love him, but I don't hear that you're attracted to him. I've been in love with my twin, where I want to be close to her and spend my time with her and she means the world to me--but there's nothing sexual about that. You might actually only be attracted to women, and that's something you'll have to figure out.
