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Age difference??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BlondeCrazy, Nov 22, 2012.

  1. BlondeCrazy

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    So, I was recently hung up on this friend of mine but have gotten rid of my feelings for him and have moved on. I decided to attend a local GSA meeting about a month ago, and it was there that I met my new crush, he's funny, charming and very refreshing to be around. He is very handsome and athletic, plays for his private school's football team, he is gay, and... HE LIKES ME!!! He says he hasn't felt this way about any guy and has asked me out twice, the most recent being yesterday. But here is my dilemna. He is 16, I am 14, and I don't know how my parents would react to a boyfriend of mine who is 2 years older than me, when they don't really want me to have one in the first place, plus, I don't know if I'm old enough myself, or good enough for him, I have voiced concern to him, but he has assured that he will go slow for me, and my lack of experience isn't an issue. I have said I'm too young, he should go for someone better, he says, that he doesn't want anyone else, he's so sweet:icon_bigg, and I suppose that I won't be able to hold off for very long. But I need help reconciling my moral and emotions, should I date him? Neither of us are out to many people so we'd be secretive, but when I am with him, I just feel so good, idk, I need help. Don't want my heartbroken, and don't want to be a problem to him, but really want to give it a go. :help:
     
  2. BudderMC

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    The biggest issue is that depending on where you live, you could be considered a minor whereas he isn't. And that's a big problem.

    Beyond that though, I think it's important to realize that you're 14 and he's 16. Having a boyfriend is nice, but neither of you really need one. I'd evaluate for yourself whether you really like this guy, or whether you like him more for the idea that he's gay, acceptable, and likes you back. The latter means you want to date him out of opportunity, which is dangerous ground to tread on.

    Think this over. I don't see how this is a good idea to be honest.
     
  3. Gravity

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    Echoing Budder on the age of consent laws - that's something you'll need to investigate if you have any desire to pursue this.

    It sounds like you already have some reservations, though. If you really believe you're too young, then don't ignore that feeling - you're having it for a reason. Just be honest and open with him, starting now. That's the best way to avoid hurting anybody's feelings, and if he won't listen to your concerns, that will tell you a lot.
     
  4. Lance

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    I don't really see it as being a big deal, it's only 2 years age difference. If you both genuinely like eachother, why not try it out? Plenty of teens "date" at those ages.
     
  5. Sherri

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    What's honestly more important in terms of whether your relationship will work is whether you're on the same page. Are you both in high school still? I don't think the age difference between a 14 and 16 year old is so great that you wouldn't be able to pull off dating. But of course, that's from a US perspective where you're both minors anyway.

    I think your concerns aren't so much based on your age but rather the experience gap between the two of you. If you honestly believe that he is going to go slow and take things at your pace, put him to the test on it. Tell him that you're going to be dedicated to him and aren't interested in anybody else, but you don't want the pressure of of a boyfriend tag just yet. Hang out with him a bit more, get to know him a bit more, and see if he really respects your differences or is just telling you the things you want to hear so that you'll be charmed into a relationship with him.

    You don't want to be brash and rush into the situation, but neither should you be so cautious and suspicious of his intent that you rush out of something that could be good. Try it out.
     
  6. Gen

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    I'd have to agree.(Although of course, only if it is clear by your areas consent laws.)

    While I think everyone is a little bit skeptical of younger age groups having relationships, as long as they are responsible, there is nothing to lose. It can be tragic and fall apart for the ones that werent ready, or shouldnt have been in it in the first place, but some people do need that wake up call. Wisdom, and essentially even maturity, dont really come with age. More from knowledge and reasoning. After all, its not like older generations dont meet many of the same fate.

    Either way, I hope it goes well ^-^.
     
  7. BudderMC

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    @ everyone above saying he should go for it, here's a better explanation on why I say not to:

    All the OP has been describing in his post is that he has a gut feeling that he's not ready or comfortable with the idea. This 16 year old guy is pushing it, for whatever reason. If someone was really that caring, wouldn't they drop the idea at his request?

    Additionally, a lot of the reasoning for dating this guy are feelings surrounding actually having a guy who is interested in you, but not something strictly special about this specific guy. That to me indicates dating out of opportunity, which might lead him to be "doing what he thinks he should do" because he likes the idea of dating more than this specific guy.

    Bottom line: if he's not comfortable with a relationship and his family isn't either, it's probably not something worth pursuing. He's 14, there will be other guys.
     
  8. Gen

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    But we are jumping the gun a little bit on how harshly we are judging this guy. Now I could see if OP was saying that he didnt want to be in a relationship with this guy personally, and the guy was pressuring him. But that isnt the case(As far as we know). In this post he says a lot of "I dont feel good enough for him" "Maybe he would be happier with someone his age". There arent signs of pressure, these are signs insecurity. We dont even know how his parents feel because neither does he yet.

    So while I feel that we can offer some advise as more experience individuals, at the end of the day, we really dont know this guy. Two years is hardly a difference considering their ages. We have no known reason to believe that this guy has ill desires, so atleast in my opinion, while we can remind the OP to be careful, it isnt justified of us to try to convice him not to give him a chance.
     
  9. Capichino

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    Idk it sounds ok becase I'm 13 and as long as thare not 23 it should be ok lol and ya big age differnce :slight_smile: lol but ya

    ---------- Post added 22nd Nov 2012 at 03:56 PM ----------

    It long story it did not go too well for me with the guy that was 23 so ya :grin:
     
  10. Mogget

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    This is pivotal for me. It shows a deep level of discomfort with the idea of dating him, and I think you should listen to that.
     
  11. robclem21

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    Ummm. what??
     
  12. Lance

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    I know, I thought the same thing. There is no way a 13 and 23 year old can have a healthy relationship. Isn't that like borderline child abuse(if it was sexual, which I suspect it might have been all the 23 yr old wanted anyway).
     
  13. Farouche

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    Yeah, speaking of insecurity... BlondeCrazy, if you're feeling insecure or unworthy of this guy, you can't have a healthy relationship with him, even if he likes you and treats you well. Healthy intimate relationships do not require equal ages, but they do require a balance of power. What you described in the original post is an imbalance of power.