for the past month and half(maybe a bit longer) i was living with friends, finally moved out i thought that things would start to get better in my life i was wrong. i suffer for anxiety and a giant list of issue's. my friends expect me to move back in soon. I'm completely torn on the issue my facade is as happy as Larry there, its perfect getting smashed all the time doing bugger all. but who i am is suffering because of it The real me doesn't even like getting smashed anymore but its the only time i don't think about my problems. The two friends i have moved in with are nice people, but i don't feel at all comfortable sharing my feelings with them. I get sick and tired off the amount of times they use gay to mean something negative its never directed at me. the friend(1) who i am out i explained a few months ago that it annoys me and he mocked me later that day for it. I know he isn't homophobic hes just insensitive. The other friend I'm not out to at all he recently suffered the loss of his mother leaving only his gran parents and his aunt left. I tried to be there for him i told him repeatedly that if he need someone to talk to or even just to listen that i was there for him but he never reached out, and i don't like to probe people on their issue's. we get along most of the time but he doesn't always think about the other people in the house like last week where he drank a liter of milk from the bottle and left us with none. I had to replace two days later when i finally had some money. Not the first time he's done something like that but you get the idea. Unfortunately i have the living room. So i get no privacy i barely got any alone time what so ever, i said things like its my room right and i want my own personally space but they said is public area where guest come round and what not. which is bull because until i moved in of the years Ive going round to my friends house we always chilled in my friends (2) bedroom he even has sofa's in there. so it only been consider the public since i moved in they just waltz in most of the time and don't even knock When I'm there I'm usually living on last tenner until 6 days away generally. typically i was living on two full meals every three days and maybe one or two snacks with it. i can remember on 3 occasions where i suffer dizziness standing up and walking about which i know was from malnutrition as i used too way about 6 stone and suffered from it most of the time. While I'm there i barely even communicate with the friends I'm out to and am comfortable sharing my emotions with. So i generally felt isolated most of the time. I then bottle up all my emotions and just feel gradually worse everyday. i can recall on one day spending two hours thinking of the fastest way to end it all. I probably won't do anything stupid like that my last attempt was over 6 years ago and I've been petrified of going through with it ever since. but the idea of life these days isn't much better. I know the environment there isn't healthy for me but my home life wasn't much better before hand either. if i deiced not move back in i still don't know what i could say, as i don't feel at all comfortable being in anyway honest about how i feel with them. So what do you guy think?
Well where are you living now? I'm not sure I understand your situation. You were living with these friends who don't respect your privacy or give you any personal space, but for the last month and a half you haven't been living with them - but they want you to move back. Where are you living? Why do they want you to move back? What are your options? Do you like where you are living now better?
Im staying there tonight as.my job is a 5 min walk I leave tommorow night, I spent a week and half away after staying for 2 months ish. I can move back in with my parents, but I don't like staying there much either. My friends want me to move back in cause leave was only supposed to be temporary till my benefits had got sorted out. I have just talk friend 1 and he feels the same but he can't go anywhere else, I think leaving is my best option but I have no idea what to say to friend 2. Like ussual friend 2 last night eat and drank what was left in the house, I have no money for atleast 5 days. So I'm stuck for the next day with no food or drink. I got called a fucking faggot yesterday several times so I really dont think I should stay. It's just I really stuck on what to say, Cause all I want to say is you've both been inconsiderate wankers goodbye, I could never say it cause my anxiety would go of the deep end, I still don't mind being friends with them but I draw a blank, cause I feel the need to give them a legitimate reason, but my anxiety prevents me from explaining honestly how I feel to them
