My mother's family are very devout Catholics and my older sister grew up with our maternal grandmother, so the influence was the strongest on her. She has a 2-year-old son and, the other day, while I was at another room in her house, I heard her raising her voice: "No, you must not put on my shoes! You're a boy!" That brought so many memories. As a little kid, I was frequently reprimanded in very harsh terms by my older brother and my mother because I didn't walk "manly" enough, or talked in a "girly" voice, or whatnot. One day, out of curiosity, I think around age 4, I tried on one of my younger sister's dresses. I'm still overwhelmed by how wrong it felt that time, but years later, when I played a female character at a school play (age 13), I actually liked showing a female persona. Around age 15 I frequently fantasized about passing as a female, just for fun. And I've had crushes on guys who make me regret I'm not a woman so they would be able to like me. So, back to my nephew, this whole incident with the shoes could be just a meaningless episode in the life of a toddler who has no idea of dress codes and enforced gender stereotypes, or it could be a foreshadowing of what's to come. I've been mistreated enough times by my brother that I've considered it the epitome of irony if his kid would turn out gay. Some part of me would feel pity for the boy if he were to grow up with such a bigot as his father, but another part of me would relish in watching the inevitable explosion. As for my sister, her displays of homophobia toward me have been far subtler. She has only dropped carefully worded hints to that effect. I'm officially out to nobody in the family, but strong suspicions have been known to circulate. If any of my nephews ended up being gay, I would feel more encouraged to come out, but I also feel it would be pathetic of me to wait that long for my own freedom. My sister's 12-year-old daughter is already pestering me with questions as to why I don't have any kids of my own. I'm tired of explaining I don't feel like raising kids. As in, not ever. She also keeps asking when I'm going to find someone to marry. As if it were that easy. My brother got his girlfriend pregnant and they hurried to marry. Now they're having serious marital problems because they hadn't given themselves enough time to figure out whether they were a good match in the first place. Surely I can't be expected to be really as stupid as he was? But it seems that opting out of the traditional family model is not even thinkable in this family.
I really dislike families who think everything has to be a certain way. "Boys do this, girls do that." "When will you marry? You have to marry." "When will you have kids? Everyone needs to have kids." I want to ask them this: What is the point in life if it is so predetermined? Life is about your choices. Your story. Your life! They just don't seem to get that. Sorry, my post may not be of much help. But hopefully I provided a useful insight.
I'm only 14, but my parents constantly make references to my future relationships with a man, like "Oh, so your friend is going out with Kevin? Do you like any boys?" or "Someday, when you're married and have kids, blah blah blah blah blah" Yeah, no. It's not that simple, mom. If you do come out to them and they hate you, remember that a "real family" would live you no matter what, and if they can't accept your orientation, then they don't deserve to be your family.
That reminds me of a time that my sister and I were in a toy store to get bubbles. A little girl came in with an older woman who was probably her grandma. They were looking at costumes. The girl enthusiastically said she wanted the knight costume. The woman said "No, that's a boy's costume, these are the girl ones." They left with a pink feathered cape. To this day I wish I'd said something.
Well, as a little boy, you don't really know anything about gender especifics, and, in fact, is natural for the kids to want to experiment (I think that's why started in first place), and that doesn't mean they're gay or transgender. At least not at 2 years old.
That's not really problem. The problem is that by telling him that trying on her shoes is "wrong", she's reinforcing the gender roles that make it so difficult for everyone to express themselves fully.
When he was that age, one of my son's favorite dress up costumes was a beautiful pink princess dress. I tried to raise him somewhat gender neutral (dolls as well as trucks etc.) and so I thought it was charming. My father really struggled in seeing him in the dress but once I explained my reasons (because androgony is healthier/acceptance that gender is a construct/to build acceptance) then he kept his mouth shut (though you could tell it grated on him). Unfortunately the gender stereotypes are so strong (and truly this goes beyond issues of sexuality) that while my son was initially a champion of "there is no such thing as girls toys or boys toys etc" within a couple years of formal school he now subscribes to all the gender stereotypes (though I do try to challenge him and he rationally understands that they're not real but he still follows them). So what does it mean that the toddler put on his mom's shoes? That he probably found them cool, loves his mom and wanted to be just like her. That's what I'd tell her if you're present and another of these situations arise.
