Rejected Before Even Coming Out

I think it's a good idea to scope it out first. That way you can shield yourself emotionally, or maybe even put it off a bit more if you don't feel like you're ready just yet to deal with a shitstorm. The only advice I really have for you is that, don't hold anything against your Dad. He said it out of ignorance. He honestly really probably doesn't know any better. A lot of parents say unbelievably cruel things about LGBT people, not knowing that their children are LGBT, and they make a full-turn around most of the time. The most important thing is an open channel of communication. If you try to shut your parents out, they're only going to be more ignorant, lost and confused, and you'll end up paying the price for their stupidity.

 

I dont think there is a better way to go about it. Atleast this way even if you find that it wouldnt be the best idea for you to come out right now, you can still listen to her opinions without completely coming out yet. I hope it goes well. (*hug*)

 

Your approach - bringing up a similar convos to your mom - sounds like a great plan...and congratulations on the straight A's! Way to go.

 

First off, I'm sorry your conversation went south. It's always hard when you build up the courage and things slip up, but do try to hold on to the courage, even if for a later date.

As for the conversation though, I think the main thing to remember is that it wasn't a personal attack, at least, not in his mind. I was raised in a catholic household with parents who were pushing 60 at the time I came out. In my case, I heard negative opinions on a regular basis about homosexuality and gay marriage (it was on the news a lot. I live in Vermont and it was recently legalized while I was trying to muster the courage to speak to my parents.)

I approached things the same way as you with my mother. Time and time again I would try to ease into the topic, and always left defeated. She often said that she didn't believe in it, that she thought most kids who came out were attention seekers, and that school policy (she was a teacher IN my high school, BTW) should be like don't ask don't tell. Just without getting kicked out.

Now, being objective, it is, in some way, fair to believe that a Catholic school has the right to decide they do not want a student in their school if they challenge the church's beliefs. I do feel it's awful when it comes up, it is often handled in poor taste, and it is very hard on everyone involved. It's a horrible thing to say, and I ONLY say it because I attended a Catholic school before I transferred, but there are a number of parents that send their children to such schools for the reason of keeping them from being exposed to ideas that they don't agree with, and they need to uphold that.

In no way am I saying we should be discriminated against in society, but religion, sadly, is out of bounds, and your father might have been looking from that point of view. I only included that interjection to get to the point of saying, you dad might have been thinking with his "logical" side, and that, often, (Even in my previous paragraph) is VERY easy to interpret as insensitive. Especially when we are talking about ourselves in some sense and the other doesn't realize it.

Now, luckily for me, my mother was much more accepting of it all when it occurred to her that we were no longer speaking in hypotheticals. When I came out to her, she did her best to put the emotions aside and listen. I, blubbering mess sitting across the table from her, was pleasantly surprised to hear that I could actually talk to her and have a opportunity to discuss it with her.

What I guess I am trying to say between all of these examples is that, sometimes, beating around the bush just ends up with us beating ourselves up. I fully believe that you should not come out until you feel safe enough doing so, but, when you are ready, which you sound like you are at least very close to being so, it's often better to face it head on.

In your dad's mind, you were talking about a school, and the principal.
In your mind, you were talking about the student, and through relation, yourself.

I am not saying charge in and try again. I'm saying that you need to remember that you didn't actually come out, and therefore, were not rejected. It may feel like it, and it may seem like the situation is worse for it, but I learned first had that there is no subsitute for the real talk. In my case, the most right-winged overbearing Catholic raised mother surprised me. We don't really talk about it anymore because it's still touchy, but it was in no way what I had thought it would be.

I do not know anything about your relationship with your parents, but I'd say you need to handle things in a way that works for you, but go in knowing that if you approach it the same way with you mom, she might react like your father, but again, in their minds, they are not talking about you, so try not to be discouraged.

Learn what you can, but take everything with a grain of salt. It's something you have put a lot of thought into, and they have not had reason to as of yet. It all takes time, and communication, but judging what your parents thing about principals and kids they have never met can tell you nothing about how they see you, as their child who they raised.

I know it's hard. I've been in a similar boat, and I know all I wanted to hear when I was locked in my room pretending not to be hurt was that somebody had my back and to get one of these: (*hug*)

I wish you the best of luck with your mother if you decide to talk to her in the same way, but I just beg you to remember that until you talk about you, you aren't talking about you. You are talking about strangers. So keep your chin up, and feel things out, but don't walk away more afraid because of all of it. And, most importantly, never do anything until you are prepared, and feel it's the right time. There is no pressure. Just trust yourself with it. And know if you need to talk, there are plenty of people here.