Sorry this is kind of lengthy...and I hardly post anything because I'm really shy (even on the internet) but I hope to more often. It's nerve-wracking and I can't seem to hit the "Submit" button, I'm nervous...I keep editing and previewing my post. :lol: I've always lived my life assuming that I'm straight. I have wondered what it would be like to like girls, but I dismissed the idea because it didn't do much for me. But I've always been accepting of everything LGBT, and my parents have always been that way, too. About a year and a half ago I began having dreams about being sexual with other women. At first, these were kind of annoying because I didn't really enjoy thinking about women sexually. I kept having dreams like this, I think because I just kept thinking about them and how I wanted them to stop. I would rather dream about my boyfriend. But lately I've been questioning my sexuality; I wonder if maybe I do like women, too, and just didn't really realize it until now because, always having known I like guys, I just always assumed I was straight. I've been with my boyfriend (who's also my first boyfriend) for 2 and half years and I am attracted to him in every way and I want to marry him someday, and I would not be comfortable experimenting with a girl because I’m in a committed relationship (he wouldn’t like it either). I know that dreams aren’t necessarily the truth, but the dreams I've been having about women have been getting more enjoyable lately, even when I think about them later. I know that there's nothing wrong with having these feeling; it's just a big surprise in my life, something I never thought I'd ever go through. I guess this is the part that's confusing me the most: I want to be bisexual. It's not because I want to seem "cool" or because I want to get attention or anything like that. It just feels…liberating? I think I feel that I don't want to put a limit on who I have the potential to love or be attracted to. People are beautiful. As I said earlier, I hope to marry my boyfriend someday when we're both ready, so I don't plan on ever being with anyone else (ideally) but I still feel that this is an important thing for me to figure out. I don't see why I shouldn't be attracted to both genders, because people are beautiful. I've had some moments where I really thought I was bi, but I'm still not 100% sure. I like having answers, and right now I'm a little frustrated because I'm still unsure, even though I know that's okay. My boyfriend knows I'm questioning, and he even said he thinks that if I want to be bi for these reasons, that I probably am. He is totally accepting of it because it doesn't change our relationship. I try to simplify it in my head: I’m attracted to men. I seem to be attracted to women. I’m just getting used to my attraction to women, so I’m probably coming to terms with the fact that I’m bi. Maybe I just found my answer? Thanks for reading. Any advice or similar stories are appreciated.
I'd say you just found your answer. If you're attracted to both sexes, and you want to be bisexual then congratulations. I'm bisexual, and it's not something I really want and I'm coming to terms with it. It makes me feel good to know that others are accepting of themselves. I don't really know when mine started, it just kinda did.
Welcome to the forum! I think that any kind of queerness is liberating once you come to terms with it, so I can understand that. I wouldn't be frustrated with yourself. It's called "questioning," not "answering" for a reason. You can be with a man your whole life and still be bisexual. You could be with a woman for the rest of your life and still be bisexual. When we end up in a long-term relationship that goes to that eternal goal, then the label ceases to matter. It must be frustrating though not to be able to explore your feelings. I think that you are right not to compromise your ethics or relationship by being with another woman as much as sometimes you might like to. If you have decided to be loyal, you should be faithful. Monogamy is not in my path, but I can respect that it is for you. I think the best thing you can do is surround yourself with safe people, and I am glad your boyfriend accepts you while you're questioning and is also okay with the possibility of your bisexuality. With a supportive atmosphere, maybe some socializing with gay and lesbian people in addition to your boyfriend, you could decide whether you do indeed feel that this identity is appropriate for you.
We seem to be somewhat similar. I am currently in a long term hetero relationship and identify as bi...I could even see myself marrying my boyfriend in the future. All I can say is that if you haven't told you boyfriend that you are attracted to women or that you think you are bisexual, you should definitely tell him. My boyfriend was very understanding and even found it attractive. Although I haven't talked to him as deeply as I would like to about it, he progressively asks me more little questions that acknowledge my sexuality, such as my opinion on attractiveness of certain girls and my opinion on fictional lesbian characters. My current issue is that I need to talk to him about how I feel that I have never fully explored the other side of my sexuality (I've only been able to embrace it recently, since I was repressing it for a long time). Anyway, my problems aren't really important. The point is...if you decide that you want to identify as bisexual, it's best to talk to your boyfriend about it. You'll probably feel really relieved afterward, and even happy. If your boyfriend accepts you for who you are, then you can more than likely make further progress in your efforts of self discovery.
I can see where you are coming from, especially with wanting to explore the other side. It's like realizing that there's a whole other part of your house that you never knew was there. I have only been in relationships with women, and I'm satisfied with most aspects of it except I have fears of physical intimacy for some reasons not quite known - a girl always wanted to play doctor when I was little, and I learned early on not to trust women physically. I developed a real phobia over sex from a very early age, and after a guy kissed me a few months back, I realized my phobia carries on to men as well :/. My point is, I have really been wanting a relationship with a guy for about a year, just to experience it, and hopefully get it out of my system? If I end up with a man for the rest of my life, that's fine. I just want to do it in a proud fashion, without hiding any aspect of the relationship. I want my own genetic children. That's really important to me. I was thinking if I married a man that I'd get a surrogate, so I'm not really worried. Ideally, I'd like to have a wife and kids as long as I am happy. I've been hit on many married men (guys in the closet have a knack for finding other closeted men), and I couldn't imagine that they're satisfied with their life. Yeah, they have kids, share love with the family, but if there is no romance, then a large part of themselves is missing. I don't want to be the hetero-married man hitting on closeted men. I know for a fact that would be unenjoyable; living a lie and taking everyone along the ride with you. It's just unfair. I'm rambling, but hopefully this helps?
Thanks for the welcome! It is a little frustrating not being able to explore my feelings more, but at the same time the relationship I'm in now is more important than what could be. But I am glad that my boyfriend is accepting of me possibly being bisexual and knows that this doesn't mean that I'll leave him for a girl. There is an LGBTQ support group on-campus at my college, so I am really going to motivate myself to get there; I make excuses to myself for not going because I'm shy and scared. But I think that I will find it helpful...my boyfriend is supportive, but I do think I need to talk with other people with similar experiences (hence joining EC). At this point I'm just obsessing over the same thoughts and not taking the next step and getting out to talk to other people. But joining/posting here was a small step. (!) ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2012 at 05:39 PM ---------- While I am accepting of myself, but it's going to take some time for me to fully be comfortable...it does feel like it happened so suddenly. I feel less lonely and uncomfortable knowing that there's someone other than me who feels/felt this way and is experiencing something similar. Best of luck. ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2012 at 05:51 PM ---------- My boyfriend was the first person who knew (second person I told, but he was already starting to suspect). He is very accepting and it doesn't bother him at all for me to want to talk to him about it. (I tell him pretty much everything.) I guess he does find it a little attractive. :icon_bigg But it sounds like your boyfriend would be willing to talk about it more with you. Maybe he just doesn't want to press you? ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2012 at 05:57 PM ---------- It does help. You sound quite confident of yourself, and I'm glad. I feel that I want to identify as bisexual, even though I'm in a heterosexual relationship and could therefore "pass" as straight, because it feels more truthful to myself.
I understand because dreams are what made me realize I am definately not 100% straight so I thought I was bi or something, but then it became increasingly obvious to me that I enjoy the fairer sex more than I had thought when I fell in love with a girl and only started getting crushes on girls. :lol: Now I'm not as confused and I still have homoerotic dreams... :/
I went through the same thing, and eventually came to the conclusion that I was bi, and I'm happy with it
I can identify with your story. I guess I've always known that I've been attracted to women. I have always found myself admiring women. I've also been attracted to men. Most of my sexual history is actually with men. However, the limited experience I've had with women has been wonderful. I'm deciding that I'm bi, and I'm learning to be okay with that. Having this place to discuss it and talk to others in the same place as I am is helping tremendously.
I'm lesbian, but I can still relate to you. I have a friend that's bi, and she's never in her life had a boyfriend. At first she thought that she was lesbian, but she couldn't shake off her attraction to some boys, and she eventually realized that she was bi. It sounds like you "want" to be bi for the right reasons, so I say go ahead. Identify as bisexual! "You don't choose your orientation, your orientation chooses you."
I think that wanting to be bi is a good way of putting the struggles of changing identity (in my case at least.) I'm not straight. I don't know if I might be gay - could be? I haven't had the time or space to know myself in that. When it's all suddenly so undeniable that you are attracted to women (yet have always dated men) it just seems easier not to let go of the past while reaching out at the same time. It seems easier to want to patch plan A with bits of plan B instead of considering a paradigm shift - if you see what I mean. I'm just afraid that, though I am beginning to relate to bisexuality more and more, I'm really just reluctant to let go of being straight while selfishly knowing I'll act on the same sex attractions sooner or later. I can't force myself to clearly interrogate my feelings for men - not right after/during a break-up. Right now I feel nothing for men but an affinity with my past self for loving them. What do you do with that? I know I can't deny my attraction to some women and I can't write off my attraction to past men - and my love for a boyfriend however cold it grew in the end. When the dust settles I think I'll feel more inclined to see women and integrate with the LGBT community in person, at least until I know myself better. Still, I have no idea what will happen with male attraction part of me if I let the other feelings grow. P.S. Thank goodness for you all for asking these questions and answering them "out loud" It's so helpful!
