Hi, I've been reading this forum for a while, and just joined because I need a little bit of insight. I've gone back and forth between thinking of myself as "gay" and "bisexual" since I was in middle school. I'm attracted to men and women (I consider myself a Kinsey 4 or 5). The thing is that while I do find some women attractive, I am not interested in relationships or sex with them. With men, I am generally more interested in both of these things. I have been sexually attracted to women before, but was never interested in actually "doing anything" with them, if that makes sense. What I want to know is basically if this is normal for "gay" men, or if I am in fact bisexual. I feel more comfortable calling myself gay, but the knowledge that I have the capacity for opposite-sex attraction and relationships makes me reluctant to come out with that identity. (i.e. if I do decide in the future to date a woman, I don't want people to think I was going through a phase, but at this point, I'm not sure if that will ever happen.) Now I see why "Questioning" is often included in the LGBTQ acronym! Is this all just because I'm 18? Do a lot of gay men of my age go through this? Should I just come out as gay? It seems harder to come out as bisexual. It feels like if I said, "Mom, I'm homosexual." Just really oddly clinical... Any thoughts?
Only YOU truly know the answer to that question. However, based on what you've said, my personal view is that you're gay. We humans are all capable of appreciating the beauty of others, both men and women, but the fact it's only men you are interested in sexually points towards you being gay.
I would say gay fits you best since you don't desire a relationship or sex with women. It's pretty normal for gay men to find some women attractive. They just don't connect with them on a sexual or romantic level. And yes, I would say it is quite normal for younger people to feel hesitant about labeling themselves. Especially if you haven't completely accepted yourself yet. Sometimes we try to hold onto whatever heterosexuality we believe that we may have. And if you come out as gay, you don't have to say homosexual. It is in fact very clinical like you said and generally not used very much, lol.
That's sort of what I was thinking. I guess even though I find some women attractive and can be aroused by them, I just can't see myself with one. I do still have the fear that that specific aspect of it is a sort of "phase". My family is not outwardly homophobic, per se, but if I ever have a girlfriend, a lot of them would say something like, "See? You just hadn't found the right girl yet!" It's amazing how the coming out process can produce so many conflicting emotions... Excitement and worry. Liberation and confinement. I hate labels, but in my particular situation, I feel that they're necessary. On the topic of "bisexual homoromanticism", I've sort of internally accepted that label, actually, but I'm at this crazy point where I've basically made up my mind to start coming out to my family this weekend, and honestly, I just need something simple to tell them. "Gay" seems like the right option at this point, but I'm open to any suggestions to the contrary. ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2012 at 03:23 AM ---------- Ryan: I've just read your Orientation thing under your username: This sounds about perfect. I think I'll probably just do as you did as come out as gay. I still need a day or so to think it over, but I think I might be ok with it. Either that or I'll just say I'm a gay-leaning bisexual. Well, it's 3:30 AM here, so regardless, I should probably just sleep on it. Thanks, guys!
Just tell everyone you really prefer to be with men, but if the right woman comes along who knows =P...I'm kind of that way...I fall for men more often, but every once in a while there's a girl that I'm like " I'd be perfectly happy with her" Sexually and romantically that is =P....Although honestly for me as I get older it has become much less about the gender of the person and more about the individual person so I started using Demisexual Panromantic.....but that confuses the heck out of non LGBT people usually so just say Bi with a prefrence for guys to them =P
Ok, guys, after a little thinking, I've determined that I am in fact a homoromantic bisexual. I guess. In this scenario, would you come out as bisexual or gay? Can romantic orientation change? If I can be sexually attracted to women and also form emotional connections with then (friendships), could I potentially form a romantic connection with a woman? I'm still thinking Kinsey 4 or 5, but I have trouble calling that "gay". Even though I do feel more comfortable with that label (probably because "bisexual" has the word "sex" in it), I'm reluctant to adopt it. I will say that although I have never had sex, I have experienced strong sexual tension between myself and various men. I can't say that there was ever a woman that I felt that for. Be that as it may, I have to say that there are some women to whom I'm attracted. I have more trouble seeing myself with them, but it's technically possible. Has anyone here gone through a similar situation?
I would personally come out as gay since you say you are more attracted to men and can see yourself having a relationship with a man, but not a woman. It definitely sounds like you are on the gay side of bi. I could definitely have a sex with a woman, but never a relationship. The sex would just be a way to get off that's better than my hand.
@delovely (and everyone else). I am having this exact same problem. I figured since I am more gay than bi (5.5 on kinsey scale) I would come out as gay. Every concern and thought you are having, so am I. I am going to come out as gay. Does anyone have some funny and creative ways to do this so it will soften the blow. My parents are indian with more traditional values. My dad and I had debated about gay marriage before and i know he is not a homophobe so i know he would find it in his heart to accept me, but i want funny or creative way to come out so it will lighten the mood. I never really acted (stereotypes) gay, or showed it so this will be quite a surprise. I may start with just telling my sister. All help is welcome, thanks in advance
