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Stressed in the Closet.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HelloMyNameIs, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. Hello All,
    Lately I've had something on my mind, which is causing me a lot of extra stress, so I thought I would share it with you. Maybe you can help me out. My problem is: I've accepted that I'm gay relatively recently, but that has put me in this awkward place where I dream of being out, but I can't make myself come out.

    This post is just going to be about the challenges of coming out to my mom. I'll save everyone else for another time.

    When I was a sophomore in high school, my mom came into my room as I was about to go to sleep, sobbing and asking me if I was gay. At that point, I was fairly certain that I was gay, and I was pretty accepting of the fact. When she asked me like this however, it terrified me. I quickly denied it, which calmed her down. I, on the other hand, was a wreck. I kept telling myself that I was wrong; This couldn't be me. This little incident ended up sending me deep into denial for about 5-6 years, and I've only recently come out of it.

    I wish I hadn't lied to her, because now I feel like I need to stick with that. I feel like she will be hurt that I lied to her for so long. She is not homophobic, and she would still love me, but she would be upset. I don’t want to deal with having her think of me as abnormal, or as different from the daughter she knows. I want to be able to tell her, but I don't know how I can get past this. I'm terrified that I'll never find the courage to come out and will end up alone for the rest of my life.

    Sorry if my thoughts are a jumbled mess here. I'm not the best at putting my thoughts into words.
    If anyone who has felt something similar has advice or words of encouragement, that would be lovely.
     
  2. FlameFeather

    Regular Member

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    Hey. Don't worry you'll be ok. Just try to tell her, and some REAL friends, if you feel bad for lied to her just say that you couldn't told her because you weren't sure of that.
    (*hug*)
     
  3. Skyline

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    You have to tell her. I know it's hard, but what is the alternative? Keeping things the way they are now? Continuing to worry about it?
    Just explain to her that you were scared to tell her when she asked back then, and that you are sorry for lying. I'm sure everything will turn out better than you might think!
    Hang in there!
     
  4. Ashton

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    The best thing you could do is write it all down in a letter and send it to her - that way she can process all of her feelings without you having to see if she goes through a bit of a negative stage when accepting it :slight_smile:
    It will be fine though, and let's face it, you can't stay locked up in that cupboard forever 'cause that will drive you nuts. I'm sure she just wants you to be happy.
     
  5. Hazel

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    Why specifically does the idea of "abnormal" come up if your mother isn't homophobic?
     
  6. When I say my mom is not homophobic, what I mean is she doesn't hate gay people. But I think that she is ignorant about a lot of things. Being straight is what is considered normal, and I deviate from that, which makes me abnormal.