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Get me off this emotional rollercoaster

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jman960, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. Jman960

    Regular Member

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    So i've been battling all these emotions over the past month ever since a move was made on me and I have tried to be patient with it and expecting some kind of change. I have told a few people about my situaiton and the confusion its given me. Everyone (thank God) has been so supportive and has my back 100%, so why am I still having such a hard time? I met up with a friend for a few drinks last night and she's the blunt type so she was helping me realize that this is 2012 and I wouldn't be the first person to come out. It was great and I felt relieved coming home last night, but this morning like every other I just feel like I'm in a depressive slump.

    A friend of mine (who opened this door) is going to be taking me to a local gay bar so I can experience it for the first time. I'm excited and want to go but the more I think about it the more nervous I get. I address it every morning, on my way to work, and before I go to bed...every second of every day. I know everyone says it's at your own pace, but is there something else that I can do that will make me more comfortable with it?? For example my friend last night looked me straight in the face and said "ok, tell me your gay". I couldn't do it. I know i'm still questioning but I know the outcome. I have been keeping a journal because I thought that would help but it really hasn't. Everything is going great with it and people have my back, so why is it still this difficult. Yes, i'm still crushing really hard on said guy (given me a lot of mixed signals) and I want to tell my sister today, but I know I shouldn't.

    I just feel like I should be more apprehensive about telling people. Is there anything else I can do to just be happy with this whole situation. I'm really hoping being at the gay bar will be helpful but other than that i'm stuck in a rut. Tis the season for depression and this will drag me down much farther and faster if I don't act fast I feel. One day i'm happy, one day i'm so sad, the next i'm just numb and completely emotionless...any advice would be helpful!
     
  2. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    The hard part is already behind you. The hardest part is figuring yourself out and telling the first person. And you've already done that. The ball is already rolling and that's good. I'm going to be totally blunt with you though, going to a gay bar isn't going to change you overnight. It isn't going to fix your problems. I think what you're feeling is totally normal. When people come out of the closet they go through stages of grief--denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, creating "why me" situations in their heads. It's totally fine. You're going to be ok. ^_^

    Honestly, if a friend looked me in the face when I first started coming out and made it official for the first time and said, "Ok, tell me you're gay," I don't think I'd have been able to do it, whether they were supportive or not. But, your friend is on the right track. A lot of people come to EC and say that they have a hard time vocalizing it, and one thing that helps them, at least a little, is to say it in front of a mirror, or when they're alone in the shower, on their way to work, whenever. They say it out loud. Not in their heads. It helps take the anxiety and fear and power away from something that was once an unknown and scary thing.

    What you need are LGBT role models. Get some LGBT books, go watch some gay-themed movies. Read up on the history of the LGBT community. I think you also have to recognize that even though you're coming out, this isn't changing who you are as a person. You were always gay. You will always be gay. You're just choosing to let people into a place of your life where they were once excluded. They loved you before, they obviously love you afterwards. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I mean, look at what you already might have going for you. You're into this guy. He might be into you. You could be so happy if only you would let yourself be. But, you're right. This has to be done at your own pace, only do what you're comfortable doing. When the time is right, you'll know. And it'll only get better from here.
     
    #2 Kidd, Nov 24, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2012
  3. Jman960

    Regular Member

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    I know that going to a gay bar won't just flip a switch, I've just never really been in that kind of social setting. I say it out loud all the time, that was my first step in learning to accept it was to hear myself say it. I haven't really had a problem voicing it to myself, but when she asked me to say it, I couldn't do it.

    One of the difficulties i'm having is that the only role model I really have is the one i'm crushing on. I'm too nervous/unsure of joining like an LGBT support group, I think it would make me uncomfortable. I never have watched any gay themed movies or anything (with the exception of Brokeback Mountain lol) and would have a hard time doing that with my roommates as we have one tv. I'm just tired of being so upset one day where I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment, and the next day i'm doing just fine. Yes the people i've told have been great, I just feel like it was too soon. I ended up not telling my sister and am not sure if it was a good thing or if I should just get it off my chest. Then again, I still have one foot stuck in the questioning phase..:bang: