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Just turned 25 and life seems to be changing rapidly.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Draco, Nov 25, 2012.

  1. Draco

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    I just turned 25 and it seems that things are changing rapidly in my life. I'm gay and have finally come to terms with it. I'm in the closet. I see so many individuals on EC that say they have been out since there were 15,16,18,20 yrs old. I feel like now that I'm 25 it's to late to come out and start over. Yes for some reason in my head I think my life will start over even though I know nothing will change. Should I come out? Is it to late or is it the perfect time? Will my life really turn upside down?
     
  2. Branconegro

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    I´m 21 yrs and sometimes have the exactly same feeling that you have. Actually, today I spent the whole day thinking about this: how many kisses I didn´t give, how many laughs I didn´t laugh...

    But the fact is that we have to move on and enjoy life as we are living every thing again. There is a positive side of this, if you had live a 'straight' live, you gonna have every thing again: you first kiss, first this or that, except that every thing is new as a gay, sometimes you feel like a teenager again, but with the difference that you are much more responsible than when we were 15.
     
  3. santaberry

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    I'm 23 and still in the closet. I've known I'm gay for so long. All through middle school/high school/college. It's never too late. Just move at your own pace. Breathe and don't do anything that isn't going to further your happiness or allow you to feel more comfortable in your body.
     
  4. Lance

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    Of course you should come out. It is never too late to do so. There are people in their 50's & 60's just coming out. You deserve to be happy like anyone else and live an honest and fulfilling life. In my opinion, nothing does really change, but at the same time, a lot does within yourself. You're more free, open, and uninhibited. Not to mention a lot happier and authentic. And I'm also not saying you need to go out and tell everyone. Just choose people that you feel should know and that will be accepting and supportive. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Adelaida

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    I can't answer your questions about what it's like coming out, because I haven't been there yet, but I think I will be soon. I'm 25 (almost 26!) and I didn't really let myself realize that I was gay until a few months ago. Just wanted you to know that you're definitely NOT alone! I posted a really similar thing when I first signed up here, because I did feel so much older than lots of people who come out in their teens. But I found out there are a whole bunch of us on EC who were adults by the time they decided to come out. It's never too late, as long as you're ready! Good luck!
     
  6. afterthefact

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    This is a tricky question, and as Adeliada mentioned, no one but yourself can decide. But, first things first.
    You are not alone, many people don't figure themselves out until much much later in life. I personally haven't accepted this fact until 24, married and divorced to someone who was probably one of my best friends (unfortunately friendship is not an option anymore). I moved, I switched jobs, and I started digging in my own self, trying to find things that made me feel in my own skin, that made life worth and tolerable.
    Second, No One else can decide when and where is the right time to come out, who to come out first. Honestly, once you do it, it's easier the second time. Start with people who are more accepting, and most people who love you will probably be anyways. But again, everyone has different stories and circumstances, so assess yours and make your decision.
    And third, your life may seem like it's upside-down now, but really, it may just be getting on the right track. It's what you make out of it. Soon you may just find how much easier it is to breath knowing exactly why you feel a certain way, and where exactly you stand in this life.
    Good luck.
     
  7. KeinName

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    I just turned the quarter century too, don't wanna spend another 25 that way

    ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2012 at 02:16 PM ----------

    I just turned 25 last Thursday and I have recently come to terms with certain aspects of my identity as well. I'm in the very beginning stages but have spent the past few weeks exploring options on the internet. I'm just looking for people like me who I can FINALLY relate to. I live in Australia right now and I've been traveling and running from my problems ever since I graduated. It seems sites like these are really helping. A lot of the stories do sound the same and maybe theres something about 25 for us.

    I'm a regular American dude that is you wouldn't exactly pin for a guy that might be into other dudes, and I cant even say"I" and the G word outloud. I like traveling, I was a frat boy in college, and I love dubstep and history. I wear Timberland boots, plaid, and trucker hats. I can't take it anymore
     
  8. Mercuree

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    I came out earlier this year. Am also 25. It has made a huge difference in my life! No I do not have muscled gods throwing themselves at my feet, but, I am a lot more self confident and people have all started noticing this. It really takes a weight offyour shoulders and opens you up to being the person that you were meant to be. I found telling just one or two friends initially (and hopefully receiving awesome responses, as I did) really helps take the edge off and shows you that as long as those who you truly care about support you, the rest of the world can go fly. Good Luck.
     
  9. Badger

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    I kind of feel like this, all of a sudden everything I assumed about myself is starting to unravel as I've only recently started to question my sexuality and what I've found out about myself has scared me but I'm slowly getting used to it.

    Don't worry, you'll work it all out in the end :slight_smile:
     
  10. lexi

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    I'm actually waiting until I'm around your age before I come out completely.
    I think it's the perfect time- after I'm done with school and finally living on my own. I'll be able to go out with whomever I want without having to be judged by my peers. What people think of me wont have any effect on my life, I'll have more life experience and be more mature. I don't see the cons of coming out in your 20s, to me that is when you first have full control over your life- how is that not the perfect place to start?
     
  11. Filip

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    I came out at 25. And I did, in fact, feel rather similar. It seemed like not coming out in HS or college was the biggest mistake of my life, ever, and that I had blown all my chances for carefree gay exploration and so on.
    If anything, I think my motivation was more "oh well, it's not as if pretending to be straight is all that fun, so I might as well stop lying and get that stress off my mind."


    ...and to date, I still think it's one of the best things I ever did in my life. It wasn't really a radical departure, but what it did do was massively streamline the life I had. Some changes that were very welcome indeed;

    - I didn't have to spend half my time filtering my words for fear of outing myself. You don't notice it while you're in the closet, but once you stop doing it, you start realising just how much you're living huddles behind a massive firewall.
    I wouldn't say I'm a social butterfly, but not being stressed out all the time is remarkable.

    - I got a lot closer to my friends. Before coming out, they were mostly very good acquaintances. and we'd goof off about movies, videogames, general gossip...
    But I'd never feel like I could open up to them. For any personal issue, I felt like I was totally on my own. these days, i don't really hesitate to ask them their ideas about whatever is bothering me. Not even necessarily gay-related stuff (in fact, 99% of it is other stuff). That was just the capstone holding the dam together, so to speak.

    - Not feeling so damn anxious about "maybe this is the day I'll find the trick to being straight" or "I really need to try thins with a girl, just to verify", and other similar anxieties. Even when not in front of other people, I don't feel stressed out at second-guessing everything I do or think.


    And otherwise... nothing much changed. Still hang out with the same friends, in the same (straight) bars. Still do the same sports. Still play the same videogames and read the same books. Still do the same job.


    Even when it comes to meeting gay people, 25 is not a bad age. OK, you missed out on some of the wild stuff some of the younger out gay guys got into. But that's a benefit as much as it is a drawback. Doing all of this a bit later allows you to do it with more experience and from a better vantage point. One of my friends even mentioned once how he's positively jealous of me for not making all of the mistakes he made when he first came out.
    And when you do end up meeting other gay people, you'll probably notice there are a lot of others in the same situation anyway.


    So: yeah. I do think you're ready and this is a good time and your life will change in good ways (even if it probably won't turn upside down). So my advice would be to go for it! Focus on a few friends who will be accepting and supportive, and work your way out from there!
     
  12. afterthefact

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    Ladies and gentlemen, it's the quarter-of-the-century blues. We'll make it through, just keep doing what you are doing and be yourself. Even during my worst days, I have to keep reminding myself, that all of this will be a part of past experience someday. In a year you will be looking back and celebrating this moment.
    There are a lot of things that are sort of a social "norm" to have or to achieve at this age (and I use the word "norm" very fluidly, as this will depend on where you are, how accepting the ppl around are, what your line of work is, etc., you get the point). But sharing stories is definitely one way of creating this "norm" for yourself - the more ppl you know who are in the same boat as you are, the easier it is for you be feel not alone. Great topic, Draco!
     
  13. Draco

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    You all very valid points and im thankful for the advice. Someone nailed the head on the hammer when they said "I just turned 25 and I don't want to spend another 25 like that " they were referring to still being closeted. I guess I feel as if at 25 I think of all the good times I've missed out on. All the laughes that were not laughed, all the times I would have just loved to curl up to a BF I never had on a Friday night on a couch and simply watch a movie. I think about my life and in a big way I have missed some important things because I'm scared what other people will think. Sometimes I wish I was just outed, that all the coming out work would be done for me. I know it would be best for me to come out but just the thought of it honestly scares the shit out if me.
     
  14. redstormrising

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    Well, think of how many more good times you'll miss out on if you don't come out :slight_smile: I came out at 30, wondering how I was going to start over at that age. I'm now 3 weeks shy of 32 and in the best (and last) relationship of my life. Come out, don't waste any more time finding the happiness you deserve.