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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:10 AM   #1
TheLonelyOne
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Default Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

The more gay guys I talk to the more I find had sex with girls. I knew some have but didn't realize it was the majority. I feel weird that I haven't. I thought that was why I was gay cause I could have sex with women. Idk soooo confused.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:19 AM   #2
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

There are many different reasons why some gay guys might have had sex with women in their past. Maybe they wanted to try and be straight, maybe they thought they had a genuine interest in women and wanted to give it a try, maybe they felt pressure from their family & society to fit in, etc.. I wouldn't look too much into it.

Personally I've never even kissed a woman. I have never had any kind of interest in them at any point in my life. So you aren't weird and definitely aren't the only gay guy that hasn't done much, if anything, with women. Since you know you are gay and like guys, then that's all that matters.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:23 AM   #3
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

i've never met a gay guy that's had sex with a woman.
(then again i've never met a gay guy besides myself)
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:25 AM   #4
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

For some strange reason when I find out a guy has its a turn off. I wish it wasn't. Idk y it bothers me.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:26 AM   #5
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

I think Lance pretty much covered why one sees this. My Ex who identifies as totally gay has been with a women for four+ years, while I'm bisexual and have never done anything with a women... go figure.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:28 AM   #6
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

Plenty of gay people do it because
1) They don't realize they are gay and/or attempt to live a heterosexual life which involves having a girlfriend, sex, etc
2) They question their homosexuality and do it as a sort of test (guilty of this, and can say while I did it, it definitely solidified for me that I am gay)
3) Sometimes people get drunk and things happen that you never expected would happen (The experience I previously admitted to also falls under this category xD)

at the end of the day not having sex with a girl as a gay man is not a big deal (it is usually part of the idea of being gay :P) and no one is going to think less of you. Be proud of you no matter who you are. Being gay isn't about who you have sex with, it is about who you are attracted to, who you WANT to have sex with, and who you want to spend your life with (Want in the feelings sense not in the "people are supposed to be with girls if they are a boy and that is normal so I want that" sense).

As for my experience I personally liked that I had never had sex with a woman and was a little freaked out for a good week after it happened. I never needed to have sex with woman to understand I wasn't straight but I had confusion because I identify as queer (basically just not 100% gay but definitely not straight) and originally came out as bisexual and I felt a need to clear it up for myself as I sometimes found women attractive. However you don't have to do that and there is certainly nothing wrong with being a gold star gay the rest of your life. It was kind of like losing my virginity all over again when it happened. I suppose I am lucky that it happened with a lesbian friend of mine and we can joke about it lol She still likes to wear a little gold star on her shirts when she sees me xD
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:28 AM   #7
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

I just I mean I thought I was gay cause I didn't get sexually aroused by women. Isnt that why guys are gay lol? Is it even possible I could function for a girl?
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:28 AM   #8
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

that would bother me too, but i'm not really sure why...
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:32 AM   #9
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

I almost feel insecure like I'm not having a normal experience. Idk haha I feel like its rude but it's how I feel.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:33 AM   #10
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

You may be able to function for a girl you may not an erection isn't exactly a sure fire sexuality test. Sexuality is to complicated and arousal can occur in all sorts of odd situations where you wouldn't expect it to (not to get inappropriate but an example is in cases of rape where people become aroused because of certain touching or actions). Being able to have sex with a woman doesn't make you straight or bi and just generally who you have sex with does not necessarily define your sexuality it can just be a good indicator :P

---------- Post added 26th Nov 2012 at 04:34 AM ----------

and your experience is perfectly normal. Just because a lot of guys you know had sex with women at some point doesn't mean you are weird it probably just means they where unsure about their sexuality
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:35 AM   #11
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

And like gay guys or girls don't seen to like me. I mean I can't even make a gay friend.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:44 AM   #12
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

It would be great to have a gay friend. I'm like the only openly gay guy at my school so it's kinda hard to find a gay friend if there aren't any gays around
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:49 AM   #13
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

I've only had one and we did stuff and I thought he cared about me but he abandoned me. Every other gay guy won't even give me a chance.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:56 AM   #14
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

I know how that feels, there's a guy I really like and he's one of the only other gays at my school but he's soooooo out of my league I can't even talk to him
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 01:59 AM   #15
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

Why is he out of ur league?
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 02:04 AM   #16
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

He's totally awesome and hot and popular and i'm like the exact opposite.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 02:08 AM   #17
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

Aww. Honestly I'm beginning to think looks don't matter. I'm way better looking than most of the people I talk to and they never give me a chance. I'm constantly told I look like popular actors. I'm thinking I'm destinined to be alone.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 02:13 AM   #18
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

It's like i'm talking to myself. I feel the exact same way (but i'm not good looking lol). I seriously think that i'm gonna end up living alone and grow up be a bitter old man with no understanding of love.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 02:19 AM   #19
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

The saying it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all is crap. I'd rather not know what it's like. At least I'd be safe and not have this broken heart and memories. I'm sure u are attractive. I thought I was ugly for years.
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Old 26th Nov 2012, 02:22 AM   #20
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Default Re: Is it me or have most gay guys had sex with women?

You guys! You don't have to be alone in this life if you do not want to. In order for things to happen, you have to put in the effort and put yourself out there. It's rare for someone to just fall into your lap out of nowhere one day.
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