My son came out to me

You sound like you're a really great mom and I'm sure you raised your kids with all the power in your bones eh.

Now, me only being 16 and a junior in high school and a closeted gay, I can't vouch that it'll get easier after college, but i'm not saying it'll be harder. In all honesty, I always figured it'd be EASIER to be bi or gay once you're in college because there's a place for all kinds of people.

You're a mother, so telling you not to fret about this would be a big no-no, I know cuz mom's worry about their kids. Maybe have a talk with him? Express your anxieties and just let him know that you'll BE there for him if any of your fears come true.

It's not as hard a life as it seems unless your son lives in a conservative place. But the fact that he has a relationship will make it all the easier because he has someone to go through whatever comes his way with.

But don't be too afraid and make sure you don't ever show signs to your son that make it look like you're ashamed of him. Be supportive, but express you fears for him. Ah, you know what to do, you're a mom

 

I think you need to stop worrying about whether it will be harder for him to get through life as he is, because this IS who he is, and it IS how he is going to have to approach life. You need to be there for him and support him, not waste time wondering what could have been. As long as he can count on his family, as long as he has you, I'm sure your son will raise to the challenge. People can do anything they put their minds to if they have the necessary support.

Don't worry too much if he'll be alright, and don't think it is your fault or that there was something you could have done better. For those of us who are strait, it is naturally hard for us to understand people being anything different. But they are, and if he came out to you about it, I'm sure he is confident enough in who he is.

Don't be sad over this. Be glad that your son trusts you enough to tell you who he really is! I truly believe that as long as you continue to love him for everything that he is and every choice he makes on his own, he will have that bright future that you wish for him to have.

 

The fact your son told you means he already come to terms with his sexuality. That also implies that he already knows that his life will not be as easy as it could.

It's possible that he could not measure exactly how much this wil affect him, but at the end of the day, when you stop lying to yourself, you know there's only one route to take, even if that route will only bring destruction to your path.

Fortunately, nowadays society is a little more accepting than before, and with some luck, he will not face too many hardships, and have a good life.

All of your concerns are well founded, as a mother, because you love your son. But they don't matter, once he found himself, because one can't run from oneself.

I didn't intend to sound rude with that last remark, I'm sorry. But the thing is, if your son had the courage to tell you, maybe he is sure of it, and being oneself is more important than any moronic society that doesn't want to understand.

What to do? Just be there for him when he needs help, and specialy when he needs someone to talk to.

 

First off, I want to thank you for being there for your son. A lot of children are not so lucky to have an understanding parent that truly vows to love them no matter what.

Secondly, what you're feeling is normal and completely fine. I understand the concerns you have for you son and the fears you have. The first step in him being a strong man and comfortable with his sexuality starts at home. With you being so great about this, I'm sure he will manage just fine

When I read this part, the age of the man you were talking to stood out to me the most. Yes, there are still many homophobic people in today's society but back when he was a scared 18-year-old boy, people were much different; there was a lack of understanding about what it meant to be gay. Today, there are a lot more resources available to your son.

I would just like to state that gay, straight, or bisexual, anyone could get an STI or AIDs if not careful.


To end, I'd like to reverberate my previous statement and say thank you for being there for your son. I hope to be this lucky when I finally come out to my family.

 

Hi MaggieMay. Thanks for coming here. All your thoughts and concerns are legitimate ones. Of course you are concerned about your son....because you obviously love him deeply. It is possible that he is gay and told you he is bi because he thought you might take it a little easier. I came out to my wife of 23 years about 17 months ago after living the life that society and my church told me I had too. I love my wife and we have shared many good times together and will continue to share those experiences. My life was not how it was suppose to be. It wasn't fair to her to not be able to love her the way that she deserved. Your son has to live his life as he needs to without the pressures of others or anyone telling him how it should go. You don't have to understand the same sex attractions that you son has. It just is. There is nothing that you or anyone else did to "make him gay." It doesn't work that way. Why would anyone "chose" to live a live that is more difficult than going the "mainstream" way. All you have to do is to continue to support him and love him. There is nothing more you can do. Really, it's just about loving someone and sharing life's experiences together and being happy.

There are many good support groups out there for the both of you. PFLAG is one that you might find helpful they have lots of good information on there website.

Lastly, I admire you for being so supportive of your son. Continue on.......

 

this tells me what an amazing mother you are. Your son is lucky to have you. When a parent can truly have unconditional love for said child, it's beautiful. You may feel helpless and sad now, but this is a chance for you an your son to grow and learn together. You should be commended because so many people don't have a mother like you. Good luck.

 

First, I'd like to echo what the others have said, and thank you for being a great mother. Your reaction -- concern, acceptance, and seeking information -- is the best I've heard a parent on here have, and I am certain your son is grateful for that. Now, being bisexual myself but somewhat younger than your son, I can't answer everything, but I can ramble about a couple of your queries.

There's no way for anyone else to know if he is sure; sexuality is a personal thing and can be hard to estimate. The fact that he's told you, as Cassandra said, is a sign that he is comfortable in himself and therefore likely certain. Bisexuality does exist, and though some people who identify as bi go on to realise they are gay, many don't. Either way, it doesn't really matter; he can go out with just men or just women or alternate or stay with his current boyfriend, and as long as he is happy and safe, there's nothing to worry about.

I also know that some people do come out as bisexual as a stepping stone to telling people they are gay. Again, there's no way for you to know if he's doing this. The best thing to do at the moment, though, is to trust him that he is telling the truth at least as far as he knows it; in future conversations, you can make it clear that you are fine with him being gay as well, but many people wouldn't take well to their sexuality being doubted. Continuing to show acceptance will help him be happy and secure as you want him to be, since parental support is important even though we teenagers are prone to not admitting it!

Nobody's really certain about whether homo and bisexuality are genetic or influenced by pregnancy or learned or whatever, though the first two options look likely. However, I am certain that neither my mother and father (who separated when I was 11) nor my brother sexually abusing me caused or changed my orientation; I would be this way regardless of my childhood, with the only possible changing factor being the age at which I realised or how comfortable I was telling others. This means that the answer is probably no, and even if the way someone was raised affected their sexuality, it can't be undone or redone now.

To round off, your thoughts and feelings on this are valid and I'm glad that you've come here. I hope my inane ramblings can be of interest whilst others older and wiser than I compose replies (edit: they seem to have done so while I was typing, the ninjas!). One thing I've realised I've not said is about my own coming out: At 14, I told everyone in my school I was bi (not living in a conservative area but we don't exactly get pride parades), and I was met with a mixture of apathy and intrigue, with total acceptance either way. Attitudes towards LGBT people are changing, and his life isn't forever damaged because he is bi.

May peace be with your family.

 

im not bi but still i can offer advice XD

not having life experience has nothing to do with sexuality really.

being bisexual doesnt mean you want both sexes at the same time nor does it mean you will be unfaithful. that is a myth that you need to understand. being bi means you can be attracted to men and women. simple as that. just like you being straight doesnt mean that you want to have 6 men at the same time you just want one. bisexual people just want one person, but that isnt restricted to one gender.

people can sway back and forth with attractions to eiethr gender, and some stick forever to being 50/50 or liking one gender more.


in your previous post you asked is he actually gay but not ready to me that yet? (words to that effect.) yes that could be possible, but it is also possible he is bi. take him as he is for now. if he ever does say he is gay, then that is fine also, you just need to support him like you have done.

if i was in this situation 5 years ago i would of wanted my mum to have asked me anything she wanted to know about my sexuality and be open to accepting me rather than make assumptions. talk to him about his sexuality. im sure he would be glad you would like to talk about it, rather than brush it under the carpet.

 

When I was younger I dated a female for 5 Years and was close to marrying her. I still till this day believe I could have remained happy with her even though I was attracted to men. Jump to 10 years later and I'm perfectly happy with a man whom I've been dating over a year. I find with everyone it's different. Sexuality is not always a black and white thing. Personality has a lot to do with it too, who he connects with on that particular level. Be it a man or woman. Time also plays a part. I identified as being bisexual at around 18/19 now at around 30 I identify as being gay. 10 years from now I hope to be with the same person I'm with today. It's all a process.

 

All moms who love their kids want to protect them from the World. But you can't, just gotta raise them up righteously and pray God to watch out for them. Worry worting won't help him.
Just provide a good home as always, and tell him you will always leave the lights on...you know what I mean? Gotta let him face his own battles in life. If he were not gay or bisexual or anything to do with sexuality, but wanted to go do mission work in China (yeah I like that example) you still would fear his safety in a Communist country far away. So let go of the natural mother's protective instinct as you can't control him or the World we live in, right?

I am so happy he came out to you! He must really love you and be pretty strong young man. I am worried to tell my mom, I don't expect her reaction to be anything like yours. Wish you were my mom. :/

 

Haha that's true.

Being bisexual just means you are attracted to both men and woman. It is absolutely possible to have a happy long sustained relationship with on person, be it male or female.

 

From my expirences, once I'm in a relationship with someone, thats who im with. Yeah I might catch myself looking at someone else I find attractive, but I could never be in a relationship with more than one person, and in 10 years I hope tomy be married and raising a family. Wether Im married to a guy or girl is yet to be seen, but only time can tell that.

 

Hi, My attraction to either guys or girls does fluctuate (this does not have to be the case for every bisexual person), but it's mostly that if I'm currently in love with a guy I tend to like guys more and if I'm in love with a girl I tend to like girls more. I'm quite sure that if I were in a relationship with someone, I'd be content and wouldn't want someone else. What I dream about is having a long and good relationship with a nice guy or girl in the future. Personally I don't have any desire for random hook-ups, but this doesn't have to be the same for anyone else (just like there are heterosexual people who have no desire for hookups and hetero's who like that kind of thing).

 

Indeed! There's been a certain couple, ah, conversations regarding sex-related stuff with my mother that just leave me wanting to exit as fast as possible regardless of politeness. But anyway.

Being bi doesn't necessarily mean you are attracted to everyone, just that you can be attracted to anyone. In the same way that a straight/gay person is satisfied with only one partner of the opposite/same gender, a bi one is also satisfied with a single person. I have the capacity to fall in love with a man or a woman, and this is complete; I will not need more (heh, my boyfriend is quite enough already).

Thank-you, and you are welcome here at any time.

 

You have expressed much of the same things I am feeling after learning about my daughter's sexuality. What kills me the most is that there are people out there who don't even know her who will hate her, and I cannot protect her from it.

I also hate that I cannot relate to this part of her life. I want to be able to understand what she is going through, but I can't.