I went over and had dinner with one of my close friends yesterday and told her that I'm probably bisexual (and currently had a big crush on a girl). Her response....so have you tried to talk her up My friend is wonderful! My response...no, I've been avoiding her instead. Her: Why? You worried because she's a girl? Me: No, it's because I'm a freaking coward. It could be a guy and I'd so the same...I'm an equal opportunity wimp. Us: laugh (because it is so true). I feel a lot better getting that it off my chest. I confessed that I've always had passing attractions to girls but I'd managed to ignore them or just talk myself out of them. This one really hit me hard just because it was a full-blown crush (the tingly, thinking about them type). My previous crushes on women were pretty dulled in comparison. (just a note: I don't tend to get those full-blown crushes regularly regardless of gender). I made it clear that she was the only one I've ever told of this and am not in a place where I wish to tell anyone else right now. So now all these thoughts I was having that were keeping me from focusing on my work (I'm a grad student and it's end of term) have gone away and I can just focus on my work. Thank freaking god! I've just decided that just because I have these feelings doesn't mean I have to act on them right now. I can just sit with them and see where life leads me. Today I'm going to try to be just nice to myself, live in the moment, and not worry to much about tomorrow.
Congrats for telling your friend! She definitely is wonderful! And it's great you can focus on your work now; I know my thoughts are also distracting me from everything else. Sounds like you've got things figured out, even if you're not ready to act on your feelings yet. Relief is so liberating in many ways.
