so like many young girls i am questioning my sexuality and have been for about a year now. i am 16 by the way going on 17 in April! so excited if that helps any. the reason i started questioning my sexuality was because last year , i had developed a crush (yes i say crush) on a girl in my class and at first , i didn't know what these feelings were...and so i didn't quite understand if it was a crush or not but in the end , i knew i had because the feelings weren't going away so ..i started to question it but i realized along the way , Katie wasn't my first crush on a girl...there was a girl i had a crush on in elementary/middle school too but i didn't question my sexuality then and i had the same feeling as i did for Katie and then i went through a period of OCD of trying to figure it out , then i just gave up saying it was a phase...that many girls go through...since apparently...i'm 16 and it usually is a phase but on day...on may 13th , a girl emailed me through yahoo answers and helped me ..just a little...and when she did that , everything went away...the questioning , the worries , just everything...and we continued to email each other for 3 months :bang: but in the beginning , she told me i had to trust her and i had trust issues and i never trust people online but in the end...she said she couldn't talk to me anymore...if i didn't and for some reason...my heart dropped and i didn't want her to leave. let me remind you. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME with anyone online , i usually avoid talking to people online from what I've learned. anyways i decided to trust her , i did ask her out at one point because i felt like i had feelings for her in which i felt was the happiest day of my life (yes i know it's a big joke , dating online :lol:...and well long story short , she lied to me about who she was. she said her name was violet when really it's scarlett but she didn't lie about her age ...she told me she was sorry over and over...and she said ...she created a safe space online so she could help people but ended up hurting me. i was devastated ...it's like i finally know what it means to have your heart break. i cried...and stayed in my room and just felt this heaviness on my heart and at night , it was worse...it's like a sharp pain...i was physically hurting but in the end...i decided to forgive her because i knew holding a grudge wasn't going to do anything...anyways...i have Skyped with her to make sure she wasn't a pedophile like my sister pointed out but i don't trust her anymore in to which she does understand but me and scarlett are still talking. but now , i'm questioning all over again. i haven't come out because well i'm afraid this is a phase and if i come out then i'll look like an idiot if it turns out , i'm not bisexual. when it comes to relationships with girls , i really wouldn't mind , i'm just not interested in anyone at the moment. i haven't dated a guy in 2 years (2 years just a week ago) when i was in a relationship with guys...i guess you could say , i never felt that 'spark'....i remember my last relationship was a guy named thomas and i never liked him....i did feel pressured because i was so bad at saying "No" to when someone asked me out and i just decided to go out with him , i wanted our relationship to be like one of those love stories , like the one in the movies and i never got that...and i felt bored in the relationship...so then i ended it. i remember i would kiss him and just try to feel something , butterflies just something...but i never felt it. my relationships with guys would never last long , they would only last 2-3 months tops. the first serious relationship i was in was with a guy named A.J and well unfortunately we had oral sex. when it comes to attraction , i'm attracted to girls (i'm assuming) ...as for sexually attracted ..i'm not exactly sure.. guys i'm attracted to....i can't lie here... I've had crushes on guys too but i can't remember what i felt when i did , i know i had a crush on them because i would try and impress them and i wrote in my diary that i liked them so. i would like to be in a relationship with a girl...because i want to be the one who protects her and holds her and just make her happy. when i was talking to scarlett while she was violet....that's all i wanted was to be with her ...and make her happy. anyways....thats all i got to say right now but i had my first kiss with a girl recently and well i'm not attracted to her but when she kissed me which was really unexpected , i felt this jolt...go through my body and when i went to my class my hands were shaking
Good luck, I guess? As for questioning your orientation, it's best to calm down, maybe divide lust and love into two different categories. Someone who you love can be like the "spark" you explained earlier, and someone you lust, somewhat like in a fantasy. In your boyfriend phase it kind of expressed the desire of lust, but it didn't give out the spark. It looks like you set your mind when you said you wanted to be in a relationship with a girl. Since it shows signs of love and lust. Seeing how you want to protect her and hold her, lust, and how you have that attraction to girls. As a matter of fact, you don't have to question your orientation to identify what you truly want. It is better to experiment until you can find what brings out the best out of your love and lust.
