So now that I'm out now (well to the people that need to know) I've been thinking maybe its time I try to start dating. I've been wanting a bf for years but I've stayed in the closet for so long. I know that you hear all this stuff like you shouldn't go looking for a relationship and because my self esteem isn't all there I hear this "no one will love you until you love you 1st" But I've never dated before, never dated a girl so I really want to try it out. Also my crush on one of my best friends is starting to get a bit too much and I'm scared I might be projecting it a bit. Also I feel like if I met someone that not only wanted to spend time with me but found me physically attractive that would build my self esteem a bit
You should love yourself, true. But I think it's hard to love yourself first with the kind of hardships many nonhomosexual people have to go through. Yes, I think dating someone will help boost self-esteem and make you happier, but there's a danger to it if you don't love yourself enough while you're single. That is, you might end up falling apart emotionally if there's a breakup, and not being resilient and self-sustaining to begin with can make the breakup even worse. If you're a strong person, go date, but be careful and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't dedicate your entire life to someone.
I so get what you mean. For years I was like "I want a boyfriend. I need a boyfriend. It will fix all my problems" Now maybe because I've been wanting one for so long the desperation for one isn't as strong as it had been for so long. Like maybe because I feel like I'm finally living a life (ie having a job, having a real group of friends) although i still feel shit at times, I dont see a boyfriend as a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't get me wrong I do still feel lonely. I mean I dont know how much my self-esteem will change if/when i date because I still have self-doubt over my friends liking me (deep down I know how much they like me but self-doubt eats away at me a lot) and what difference would a bf make other than he'd be physically attracted to me (but at times I feel like that is something I need since I've never had it before). And I would be a nervous wreck on a date but I'm in better dating condition than I was a year ago
The danger with dating someone before you're ready emotionally and spiritually is that you're taking a chance on that person to get to know who you are and what makes you tick. Unfortunately, a lot of people like to manipulate you if they can.. you have to know without a doubt in your mind that the person you're with will want safeguard your emotions instead of exploit them when they see fit. Dating is fine, I would say the thing that you work through the most is the feeling that every guy you spark a conversation with is genuine and wants to be with you. You're in for a shit load of missed calls and unanswered texts.. the reality is that just because a guy talks to you doesn't mean that he doesn't talk to three other people at the same..damn..time. You can bet on it. Granted, it does depend where you look and what their ages are, but I would say it depends on what you consider dating. My view of dating is dating to settle down, so I also have not been in a legitimate relationship with someone. Or do you feel like dating means a formal fling with someone where you can have sex without the worries. Find out what it means to date for you and keep working on yourself first and foremost. The two guys I've spent the most time talking with as friends think I'm a great guy BUT... they can tell I still don't have the confidence required to deal with gay men. I'm still thinking that guys can be innocent, which is true.. I still believe they can be, at least to the one they love. But you're taking all the risk on when you're inexperience. Just try not to be gullible and don't rely on someone else to help build your self esteem. One, it's way too risky and two, It's more of a burden for the other person to have to constantly reassure you.
Im right there with you on this one. Im just coming out of the closet, and im aching for companionship, but I don't think I should even try until I first come completely out, and second, learn to walk before I try to run. The last thing I want to do is fall flat on my face at the onset of my new self, its probably better, safer, and easier on my emotions if I take it slowly, and in steps. It still hurts to be single, but I believe that I'll find some one out there who will complete me. ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2012 at 09:20 AM ---------- @ Pat Yea, I agree. We need a like button.
I do want like a committed relationship tbh BUT I know I shouldnt even try to find one. I meant just casual dates. Like I dont want to go on a date and instantly think he's my bf or anything.
essentially i want to date because ive never done it before and at 20 it is something most people my age have done. 1 cause that is only recently bothering me is i have a crush on 1 of my best friends (expect a thread soon) and if i dated id be reasonably distracted by dating
