Oh I have created such a mess for myself…

if you ask me you shoulve told him strait up soon after you realized you were a lesbian and not bi. to a point i can totally understand him being insanely pissed about you baically lying to him for years and then cheeting on him with a woman.. i really dont mean this to sound like im condemning you for anything cause that not what i mean im just saying that probably what happened and how he feels. when you guys talk about it later dont get mad and dont give in to him being all pissy and everything. just say your sorry you lied to him and that you didnt mean to hurt him in any way you just didnt know how to tell him. i dont know what to do about the marraige and kids thats out of my league. i dont think you should have to spend the rest of your life in a relationship that you dont feel happy in and with him acting this way. if theres any chance you can divorse but still have joint custody/ visitation with the kids i think that might be a good option but like i said i have like no experience with this im only 15. this probably doesnt even mean anything to you cause i give crappy advice and dont even know what im talking about but oh well >.< good luck whatever you choose to do!!

 

Wow--you are in a heck of a hard place. I am sorry this all blew up on you this way. My thoughts are that you have multiple issues to deal with now--


1. You were unfaithful to your husband. It doesn't matter if you slept with a man, a woman, or a pointy-eared alien. The point is you lied to him, and he feels betrayed. He needs and deserves time to come to grips with his world shattering, and he needs to be told you understand why he feels so bad. You can say you are sorry that you lied, and hurt him, without saying you're sorry you love a woman.

2. You have put the family dynamic in a tailspin--if I were you one of the first things I'd do is check with someone (a lawyer, a legal site specific to your state, something like that) to find out what the risk is regarding him using this against you in a custody case. I am assuming you want to stay with your children, and not just turn custody of them over to their father, of course. I got that feeling from what you wrote, but you weren't specific. You need to know where you stand legally. Then you need to decide how you can make it work so you and your husband can co-parent, and cause the least stress to your children.

3. You're in love with someone you can't easily be with right now--what is your girlfriend's take on all this? If you've only been together a month...where do you two stand?

4. Your mom is in a tizzy--this might be the least of your problems, unless you are dependent on her goodwill for child care, or income or something. She must be around 60+ years old. It will be harder for someone her age to cope with all of this happening so abruptly. Maybe some info on the PFLAG site might help you with tips for a dialogue with your mother. Plus, like your husband, she may just need to be given time to adjust to the new reality.

Last...it seems really early to be worrying about the rest of your life in regards to this new relationship. You kind of need to deal with the clean-up of your existing life before stressing over how things might be 10-20 years from now.
I hope this didn't come across as in any way being harsh to you for the situation. I'm 100% sure you didn't want to hurt anyone, you just wanted some love in your life that felt right and natural to you. The trouble is...well, it caused trouble. As a wife and a mom, you have to take a step back and really think rationally about what is best for your kids, and what you can live with, and what you can't live without, so that the choices you make from here on out are good ones you feel proud of in the future.
Let me know if I can do anything for you, or you need a listening ear.

 

Hugs to you
Must be hard going through all these feelings especially when other ppl are involved. I agree that you should have told your husband once you realised you were a lesbian, however what's done is done and the best thing to do from now on is tell the truth. Tell him you still love him and always will but you know in your heart you cannot give him what he needs and you cannot get everything you need from him.
I am going through a similar experience in regards to the marriage and kids thing and then realising later. I was thinking of cheating but I am really glad I didn't. My husband is already feeling devastated that I told him I am gay and that would have made the situation a whole lot worse.
Please do not think you are being selfish. It would really unfair to everyone if you stayed and pretended to be happy. It wouldn't be fair to you, your husband or your kids.
I really hope you can come to an agreement with your husband for your kids sake.

Please take care

 

That's really, really kind of wrong for your husband to let you date another women for two eyars and then when you come out to him he thinks you're lying and he says "how dare you jeopardize our family like this" when he enforced it. I don't think he can take your children away, he would legally have to do that. I'm sorry you're in such a terrible place right now but staying with him just for your kids is not okay at all, you need to think about yourself as well. Like, PinkTractor said you should most definitely get in contact with a lawyer to see the possibilities of dual custody.
I really wish you the best, good luck! (*hug*)

 

I know exactly where your coming from. I'm in a bit of the same situation. my B/f and I have been together for 11yrs. and I recently stopped lying to myself a few days ago.

I may not have it as hard as you do cause there are no kids involved, and my guy is bi curios himself. also we haven't *slept* together in nearly 4yrs. first it was cause of surgery, but later it was because I didn't really find him sexually attractive. I find him comforting to cuddle with, and I find him intellectually simulating and funny as hell. I cant imagine him not in my life. and I do love him. but the sexual spark isn't there. and it kinda really never was. not saying that I didn't enjoy it when we did. but meh ya know? so your not alone.

Good luck you. things will work out in the end.