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Recently come to terms myself and really don't know what to do next

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by wolfgirl, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. wolfgirl

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    Hi everyone!

    The thing is over the past few years I've been having doubts about my sexuality and have only recently accepted who I really am.

    I know I fancy guys but the thing is I fancy girls too... and now that I've admitted it to myself I have no idea what or who to tell...

    I think my mum would be supportive (she asked me if I was a lesbian a few years ago and at the time I outright denied it) but she seemed OK with it... The real issue is my dad and grandparents. My granddad is the biggest homophobe I have ever met... seriously, he sees someone on TV (classic example from him is Stephen Fry) and won't shut up about how wrong it is and won't stop insulting them...

    I have a few lesbian/bisexual friends (I play rugby... if that wasn't a sign, I don't know what is :icon_wink) but none of them have got a clue... I spent all of today trying to tell my housemate but just couldn't come out with it even though I kept hinting at it... she just didn't pick up on the hints (let me stress, I don't fancy her, she's one of my best mates..)

    Anyway the point is, I've now been honest to myself, I just want to be honest with the people I care about too but just don't know how...

    Thanks for reading :icon_bigg

    Wolfgirl! :slight_smile:
     
  2. Isabelle

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    I understand what your going though. I'm still not sure what to do. My family has no idea I'm a lesbian. I guess the only way to know if they accept you is to tell them
     
  3. wolfgirl

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    I told my best mate today and she laughed and said... I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi or a f*****g alien... I love you no matter what... Kind of made me feel a little better to be honest... haha.
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    Feels great, right? I was so relieved when I came out to my best friend; I asked her to guess what I had wanted to tell her. And after a few hints, she guessed right. I was so afraid that she was going to treat me differently, but she did not. After I told her how I felt, she felt safe enough to tell me that she liked women too. Now, that your best mate knows, are you planning on coming out to anyone else?
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Nov 29, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2012
  5. wolfgirl

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    I think I'm going to take it one step at a time. Maybe the rugby girls next as they're most 'used to it'... I don't know who else I'm going to tell at the moment, but I'm working on it haha
     
  6. Adelaida

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    Congrats on coming out to someone! I'm working on it too. It's a weird feeling, once you finally figure out who you are, that you want to tell someone so badly and just get it out there! But still scared at the same time....I kind of know what you mean after accepting yourself, though. It's like, now what? After all that questioning, I think it's like my brain didn't know what to do with itself when it didn't have to ponder the whole "Am I really gay?" question anymore. Good luck!
     
  7. wolfgirl

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    thanks :slight_smile: same to you :slight_smile: I told two of my housemates today and all they said was... oh ok.... do you have a crush on anyone?? hahahaha
     
  8. Adelaida

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    That's funny! Good for you!
     
  9. RainbowBright

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    I have found going in order of who you think is most likely to be accepting really helps. That way you get to build up confidence and practice, and have a stack of people who are behind you by the time one person flips out, if one were the type to disown you. Also, these accepting people are far less likely to blab and out you to everyone before you're ready.

    When it comes down to those last few relatives and they are super homophobic, all I can say is there's usually a reason they are so pre-occupied with the issue. Either they are in the closet themselves, or something happened to someone they care about as a result of a gay issue. Knowing the cause helps, but if they really love you, they will get over it eventually to keep you in their life once they realize you are happy. And if they don't wish happiness for you, better to figure that out sooner than later, you don't need people like that in your life, life is hard enough without family and friends who wish you ill over some superficial set of rules they're into that doesn't apply to the complexity of real people.
     
  10. Hoofbeats

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    The homophobic-family-member issue is a toughie. Once, my dad started going off on a homophobic rant. I am usually a quiet and reserved person, but I completely flipped out on him. Now, we just do not talk about it. he does not know my orientation, but he just does not mention anything anti-gay/bi around me. I really appreciate that.

    Some might not be as inclined. One thing that I truly believe is that you are not obligated to come-out to anyone that you don't want to. I don't want to know, say, about my mom's sex life. I thus do not expect her to feel any sadness about me not mentioning mine; lol. If it came out and they really hated me for it, then so be it. I am not changing or feeling shame/guilt for my own identity.

    I like what RB wrote, about people having strong issues with others being gay. They could very well be closeted too, or have urges that they sadly think of as "sinful" and wrong.. I feel pity for that in a person, personally.