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Losing My Religion but Don't Want To

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by frogger, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. frogger

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    I'll try to make this short.

    I was raised catholic. I went to Wednesday catholic school as a kid and in high school I went to the after church Sunday school for High schoolers. I have always like my church and being catholic even if I didn't always believe everything in the Bible. But ever since I started college year and a half ago I haven't gone to church much cuz I dont have much time anymore. And that's also when I finally excepted the fact that I obviously wasn't straight.

    I have always kinda believed my own thing and not everything Catholics believe but I just seem to be losing my religion lately cuz in my mind I feel that no one in that church likes me or would like me if they only knew. I drove by a sign the other day that said "Marriage is between a man and a woman - listen to Catholic Radio ###" And I got very upset. Little things like that bug me so much.

    How do any of you Catholics deal with it? Are there other religions that support gays that are kinda like the catholic religion?
     
  2. castle walls

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    I think that you'd find it incredibly beneficial to attend an accepting church. Have you considered looking into other denominations of Christianity besides Catholicism? It depends on the specific church if they're accepting but you could try United Church of Christ, Baptist, Disciples of Christ, Presbyterian, etc. That way you wouldn't be changing religions just denominations. Also, if you look hard enough and are lucky you may find an accepting Catholic church in your area. However, LGBT accepting Catholic churches aren't easy to find and are probably rare.

    I'm a Christian, always have been and always will be. My sexuality doesn't conflict with my religious beliefs at all. I believe that I am exactly the way God intended me to be.

    Good luck!
     
  3. TheSquirrels

    TheSquirrels Guest

    I'm Catholic as well, but my beliefs don't line up with everything the Church says/does. Castle made a really good point; I know a lutheran Church and a UCC Church in my area that are open and affirming. I don't go to Church now because of schedule conflicts, but those would be options.

    Additionally, remember the important thing is more about your own relationship with God (or for people of other religions, your own relationship with your own deity/deities/other figures). I personally pray on my own time, and worry about the more formal practices of Church (communion, confession, etc) when I'll be more ready to handle it time-wise.
     
  4. inthedark4eva

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    I can't help you pick a religion but I might be able to help with understanding your need to go to church.

    This is going to be a little long but I hope it helps....

    My mom was Protestant and my dad was Catholic (non-practicing) and when they got married in 1970, a lot of people believed that the wife should take on the husband's religion. My mom got confirmed in the Catholic church so they could get married in the Catholic church. After I was born I was baptized is the Catholic church.

    By the time I was four we were living in a neighborhood filled with born-again Christians. I was soon recruited for Vacation Bible School at the local Baptist Church. Like I said, my father was a non-practicing Catholic so the only time we ever went to Mass was when I around two years old. We went twice and my mom got pissed because both myself and my dad fell asleep LOL!!! I was two so wtf, right?

    Anyways, Vacation Bible School was fun, especially for a four year old. I wanted to keep going to the Baptist Church. Since most of the neighborhood went, my mom gave in and we went. and for the next ten years or so, I was heavily into church.

    I knew in my early teen years that I was attracted to other males. But being a devout Christian, I knew it was a sin. I buried my feelings as much as I could.

    Fast forward another decade, give or take a year, and I found myself in another Church being set up with a good Christian woman. I was still heavily closeted....well, I still am but that's another story. I did what I thought was right and dated and then married her. She had a child from a previous relationship who I raised as my own.

    When my step-child was about five and in a church program, the child recited a Bible verse for me. It was John 3:16. But it wasn't what she said that bothered me, but HOW she said it. It was very slow, without feeling or meaning. At that point I felt like forcing young children to memorize these Bible verses was basically brainwashing them.

    I realized at that point that during my entire lifetime, I was never given an option on what to believe. I was from a small town in New England and other than protestants and Catholics, I didn't even know that there were other religions in the world. Well, I knew of the Jewish people but was never quite sure where they fit in.

    It wasn't until I hit my thirties that I began learning of the multitudes of religions in this world.

    My point to all this is (if you're still reading this) is that from a very young age, Catholic children and protestant children are told what to believe. They're not given any choice or taught differently.

    I'm divorced now and still figuring out my life as a gay man. My ex-wife and I did have a child together. My decision with my child was to let them decide for themselves what their beliefs are, a choice I was never given as a child.

    For the record, I am Wiccan now.
     
  5. Pret Allez

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    What about the Episcopals???
     
  6. Rachyl

    Rachyl Guest

    I always believed that I went to talk to God, and not because of anyone else. I am a very traditional Catholic, Latin Mass, and all that entails.

    But now that I know I am gay, and that I always have been, I no longer go to church. NOT because I was told not to, but because I know how the people in the church think or are told to think, and I don't believe I would be safe there.

    *sigh* Sorry I wish I could be more help.

    I still believe in God, just not really sure where to go after that.:confused:
     
  7. sguyc

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    Yes, there are other religions that are extremely similar to Catholicism that are more supportive of gays. Check out the Presbiterians (Anglicans). They have holdouts in their heirarchy, but they did just appoint one of the first openly gay pastors. They are also basically the same as catholics (King Henry VIII wanted to be allowed divorce so he made himself head of a new religion, but thats about all that changed really).
     
  8. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I believe, and this is only my opinion, that Catholics are mostly very lenient when it comes to practicing their religion. Its only the very extremist that actually listen to the pope and follow the bible verse by verse. I have only met a handful of people like that and I have been surrounded by catholics my whole life.

    I don't consider catholic myself, but my whole family still does and they are all very supportive of me still. What they do is pretty much just ignore the gay part of it all. Just like they ignore the contraception part of it all and just like how most people ignore the whole sex before marriage part of it all. They won't win the award for best catholics, but it works for them.

    Also, go ahead and check out any affirming churches that you are interested in. Personally, United Church of Christ is one of my fav churches just because they have always been very progressive about all types of social issues.
     
  9. rday13

    rday13 Guest

    I was raised Catholic, and noticed a similar drift away when I went to college as you did.
    Part of what saddens me is the Church's stance on GLBT issues, and its medieval dogmatic pronouncements that make me think it lives in another world. My family is practicing Catholic and it's hard to reconcile what I believe with what they believe.

    I would recommend looking not just within other accepting denominations (I can recommend Anglicanism and the United Church), but also within yourself and asking yourself: What do I believe? Can I believe there is truly a discriminatory God out there who will consign me to eternal damnation for being true to myself?

    Ok that might be a bit extreme, but I feel for a religion that is rooted in love...there sure are a lot of its most vocal adherents spewing hate. The world needs more love, and it doesn't hurt to find a spiritual or religious community that loves you the way you are, and lets you grow and flourish while being true to yourself.

    The choice is yours. Good luck!
     
  10. The Escapist

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    Hello, I am not Catholic but I used to be Christian and I can relate to the having your own beliefs thing apart from most everyone else. I ended up becoming non-religious, but it wasn't because of my orientation.

    This site is good for finding gay affirming churches in your area: http://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/find_a_church.htm
    I also am attracted to the UCC, I'll have to go visit that one someday.

    Also, if you haven't seen it already, here's the link to Mathew Vines' speech about homosexuality and the Bible, based on scripture. It's a little long sure, but it's totally worth it and very interesting. :slight_smile:
    [YOUTUBE]ezQjNJUSraY[/YOUTUBE]
     
  11. jsmurf

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    Oh god, he's cute! :grin:

    My own faith is Judaism, but now I'm just curious to listen to Matthew Vines. :wink:
     
  12. Hexagon

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    Perhaps I shouldn't be butting into this thread, as I'm not a catholic or anything. But I feel the urge to suggest something. Shouldn't you be a part of a certain religion because it is true, and not because its accepting of your sexuality? I suppose I just don't understand why you'd want to find another religion.
     
  13. bernie761

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    i totally agree...i was born into a catholic family and am still one...as squirrels said its your relationship with God that matters, when u g to church u dont go and worship the priest, deacons, altar boys or the rest of the congregation, its God your there for.
     
  14. castle walls

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    I hope the OP will correct me if I'm wrong but from what I read I was under the impression that the OP is looking for a new denomination. The OP said she was looking for something similar to Catholicism which, in my mind anyway, would be the same religion (Christianity) but a different denomination (not Catholicism).

    Also, in Christianity, it is possible to can change denominations without changing your beliefs. For example, I previously attended a Baptist church and I am currently attending a United Church of Christ church. The only difference between the two churches I attended is that one accepts the LGBT community and the other does not. My beliefs didn't change at all.

    It may be a bit trickier with Catholicism but I'm sure that there are similar denominations. Anglicanism is pretty similar to Catholicism when compared to some of the other denominations
     
  15. wandering i

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    I just wanted to throw out there that even if you become agnostic or stop being religious, there is no reason you can't be a very spiritual person and have your own connection with a diety or higher power individual to you. Even athiests have access to a sort of spiritual connection with the universe and nature, because as human beings we are one small harmonious piece of a much larger puzzle. Religion is not the only way to find beauty, morality, community, and sense of purpose. So please don't be afraid to figure out what inspires you and keeps you spiritually well, even if it's outside of a church.
     
  16. musicgeek13

    musicgeek13 Guest

    Many protestant christian churches have come to accept homosexuality. In fact there is a directory of churches that are. I don't remember what it's called but if you google it, I'm sure you will find churches in your area that are supportive
     
  17. frogger

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    (Sorry this turned out so long)
    Thanks for trying to help guys. I'm not necessarily looking for a different religion. I was just interested to see what other things were out there, and what others have done.
    I've never been to a church other than a catholic church, so I don't know all the other religions out there. Thanks for all the different ideas.

    For me going to church is a family thing. I go with my parents and my gf (But no one knows its my gf, they know her as my best friend). While at school I usually never go cuz I don't like going alone and I'm not used to the small church environment we have here. (My church back home is huge!)

    My mom is catholic, mainly cuz her mom was catholic. And her mom (grandma) was a very strict catholic. (She started crying and was so upset to hear that my sisters kids weren't gonna be baptised. Grandma believed they were all gonna go to hell if they didnt get batised. My sister is a very religious bible study person, but not catholic so its not in her religion. And her kids are very religious too, they love church and I can guarantee they wont go to hell). I think my mom doesn't agree with all the catholic stuff, we never talk about it so i wouldn't know for sure. I talk to my sister about religious stuff more, cuz we are very close. My dad was some other religion under Christianity I think, but now he goes to church with us.

    As far as what I believe. I'm not fully sure. I know what I don't like though. There are many things I disagree with the Catholic church.
    1) Like having to confess ur sins to the priest, I believe that u can do it on ur own and I haven't gone to confession since i was forced to probably 10 years ago.
    2) I think that you can pray directly to god and he can hear you, and that u can also pray directly to loved ones that have pasted. I do that everyday.
    3) I also think the whole set up of the catholic church is weird, with the pope and everyone else under him.
    4) I also don't like how the church doesn't allow women the same things as men. (I'm big on women equality, me being a woman in a minority job field and such) Like how only men are priest and women can really only be nuns. And how you are not allowed to get married as a priest. (I understand that's because they are supposed to love god/jesus and devote their lives to him, but if the priest could get married he could related to the rest of us better and give us better personal advice on stuff, cuz he has never experienced it, also he has never had kids)
    5) I also not sure if all the things like baptism, conformation, and the thing when u convert is necessary. Marriage is about the only one I like, but of course I can't get married according to Catholics.
    6) I also am pro-choice (But would never personally have an abortion), and obviously support gays.
    7) I've never fully read the bible, I've only read a few things here or there, and listen to the reading in church.
    8) I believe in the 10 commandments and that you should treat people the way you wanna be treated.
    9) I believe in Heaven, God, and Jesus and that he died on the cross for us.
    10) I also think that you should go to church every Sunday but if u miss a few here or there ur not gonna go to hell for it. (My gf dad is the strictest catholic I've ever met, he almost kicked her out of the house for missing too many Sunday masses cuz she had to work)
    11) I'm not sure what I think about communion. I guess I kinda believe, its like a metaphor. That its not actually the body and blood of Christ, but that when u receive it that you are like receiving Christ into your heart kinda? Idk how to describe what I think.

    Well after everything I just said it seems like there is a lot I don't agree with the catholic church, so maybe I am looking for something else lol.


    Side Note:
    I agree with you inthedark4eva I want my children to decide for themselves what religion they want to be. Because I never got the chance. But its also hard to explain to a 2 or 3 year old what religions their are. So maybe start them off on one religion but also introduce them to others, that way when they get to a good age they can pick.