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How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by nostreborem, Nov 28, 2012.

  1. nostreborem

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    Okay i've liked my bff of 9-10 years for about 2 years and i really want to come out to him as i also have a crush on him and he's giving all the signs that he likes me but if i come out i'm gonna need to no how to do it properly and to make sure he doesn't freak out (he's not a homophobe)
     
  2. CasperTheGhost

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    Psh, if you've been friends for that long it shouldn't matter, I've known my best friend for about 3-4 years, I came out to him as gay a few months ago, not a thing has changed, in fact we got closer, I consider him my brother. Best case scenario, you come out, he comes out and you fall in love, but chances are you'll come out, and he won't care and your friendship will go on as if nothing happened, but if he rejects you now just because of who you are after 10 years without knowing, maybe he wasn't really a true friend.

    PS- I also love my best friend, but he's straight and has a girlfriend, maybe it's best if he doesn't know, if your bestie comes out to you though, I wish you both a good life. :kiss:
     
  3. Nickygirl

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    im having the same problem with the not being out and having a huge crush on my friend xD however, she is out as bi and engaged to a guy so my dreams are crushed -.- lol o well.. anyways if you ask me if you've been friends for 10 years he will be cool with it if hes a true friend. just tell him like just the generic "i have something to tell you.. i like guys" sort of thing. maybe he'll come out to and youll live hapilly ever after but most likely he'll just be cool with it and yu'll go on being bffs as if nothing changed because nothing has changed. if worst case senerio he rejects you (which will almost definetely not happen) well thats his lose not yours.
    good luck!!
     
  4. Lad123

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    Sadly there is no 'right' way to come out. It just depends on the person if he will freak out or not. I agree with the above posters, if you have been friends for 10 years then surely he will be accepting but if things turn bad he wasn't really a bff then. I think you should hold off telling him about your feelings if you do come out because its quite a lot of information to handle all at once and it may scare him off. After your friend has had time to deal with your coming out, then you can reveal your feelings for him.

    I've heard that writing a letter and giving it in person is a good way to come out if you have trouble saying it out aloud. Since you could mess up whatever you had planned, the letter allows you to process your thoughts and to include everything that you want to say to him with certainty.
     
  5. nostreborem

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    thnx evry1 with school holidays just around the corner he'll probs be coming round my house more often one question though. what if i come out he says that its alright but what if he's lying and what are the normal signs??
     
  6. Lucky Oshawott

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    I think that you should have. Real conversation with him; don't just say "I'm Gay" and move on. Explain to him and make sure that he understands. I think you'll be able to tell how he feels straught away, but remember, this is a big shock to him too! He'll need to get his head around it and that may take a few minutes but I'm sure that, whilst you've been friends for so long, he'll understand you. As for the crushing thing, don't take this the wrong way, you don't have to do this, but maybe leave that bit out for a while. I'm sure that might jolt him a bit and maybe he won't be ready to do that yet. But I'm sure things will go well for you! :slight_smile: Good Luck!
     
  7. nostreborem

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    for viewers reference pls check my other thread. i should have put up a quote or something but i kinda forget
     
  8. Lucky Oshawott

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    Yeah; I read that and posted there instead ;L But I will say this now: I get where you're coming from. I was in the same situation with my best friend before I told him that I'm gay. He took it well and eventually, I came to terms with the fact that he's straight and it would never happen. HOWEVER! Who's to say that your story will end the same way? Even though the chances that he's gay/bi (and interested)may be slim, you don't know what will happen! =D Talk to him about his views on homosexuality and ask him what he's thinking. From reading the other post I would say that you two are definitely on the same wavelength and relationship material.(If he's into you) Just my view, but we never know! =D
     
  9. nostreborem

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    thnx
     
  10. nostreborem

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    not to be rude/impatient or anything but viewers pls comment as i desperately need the assistance.
     
  11. Ticklish Fish

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    what oshawott says.
    you can probably come out first and see how he reacts.

    you don't wanna overload new information to your friend, you know lol
     
  12. Lucky Oshawott

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    It's understandable that you'd want all the help you can get but it's important that you consider what you're thining in your own head as well as taking what everyone else is saying on board :slight_smile:
     
  13. Hoofbeats

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    You could come-out to your friend first, without stating your interest. If he seems accepting, you could work toward telling him your feelings later. If he is not accepting at all, I would probably (personally) let the feelings fade, and not "feed" the crush. By feed, I mean daydream/fantasize/obsess over the person.
     
  14. nostreborem

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  15. Lucky Oshawott

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    Well, after reading that, I guess that it is just suited to different people. And step 3 is definitely a risky approach. I think you should do it in your own way, but if you want to follow some of these steps then I guess you should just be cool about it and make sure to watch YOUR step. :grin:
     
  16. Pat

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    Well, my situation was similar, I felt like I was getting strong signals that there was "sexual tension" (on my behalf) towards my friend and every move I made toward him didn't phase him, we had some really close moments and I backed off, because you really really don't want to lose a good friend. After you cross into something other than friendship, things tend to get really complex and there's no way to go back. Back to the outcome. Well, I decided to tell him I was gay because I wanted to clear the air, I didn't want to feel like I was manipulative or that we would engage anything under the assumption that I would be curious like him. SO.. I told him I was gay, but NOT that I had a crush on him. It's irrelevant, if he's really really cool you can tell him, depends on the person and the relationship really. For this particular friend, I feel like he knew I had a crush on him and we worked past that. I don't know if it'll be the same for you, but for me it took my feelings for him to more of a brother role. So you're telling him because you want him to really know who you are, it can be the turning point in any friendship for better or for worse. Usually for better if he's been your friend for so long, he'll really be happy that you decided to let him in on that. Now if anything progresses past this point, he knows you're gay and it's his own free will to pursue something more than that.
     
  17. Lucky Oshawott

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    I really agree with Pat's point, like it's already been said, your friendship has been a very long one and I don't think your friend will want to ruin a strong friendship over the fact that you're trusting him with your secret.
     
  18. nostreborem

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    okay thnx guys :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  19. nostreborem

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    can viewers pls comment
     
  20. BudderMC

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    Re: How do i come out to my best friend who i'm uber-crushing on without him freaking

    I don't know what it is you want to hear; there's nothing really to do but tell him. You've already been advised to not drop the "I'm into guys" and "I like you" bombs at the same time. There really is no "right" answer for this situation.

    He'll follow your lead on it, for the most part. If you start freaking out about it, he will too. But if you act as though it's no big deal, then he'll probably follow suit.