Hey all, again...feel awkward posting again even though I haven't posted that many threads I don't think... Anyway, I wanted to ask for advice on why I may be feeling so unenthusiastic and sort of bored about everything but I figure I'll give a quick rundown of whats happened recently and how I feel now. Summer wasn't great, got lead on by a guy for 3 months and then told "nothing would happen so forget it", then made friends with another guy who I met via a dating site, he told he he wasn't interested in anything more so I accepted it but 6 weeks after that he started really looking to spend time with me and meet me (all the usual signs of being interested, he was acting really into me) and he also ended up telling me "sorry...don't want anything more really" and a day later got together with another guy he met online :/ Things sort of picked up in Autumn when I saw my ex (who I've spent waaaay too long posting on here about and thinking about) and decided to clear the air and try to rebuild the friendship we'd had before he pretty cruelly and dishonestly broke our relationship by cheating and then trying to cover it up out of fear. So we talked more and we're sort of back almost to how things were when we were friends, I don't get nervous talking to him or have the same attraction to him (I think he's attractive but I'm not into him in that way anymore really). Sorting that out made me feel better for a while, like a weight had been lifted. Problem is that it didn't really last, after the two guys who lead me on I'd been feeling pretty disinterested in hobbies and activities, the only thing I really wanted to do was go out to a club with a few friends and drink and dance or try to pick someone up (I don't usually do casual one night stands either but they seem more attractive now for some reason than a relationship). Recently it's been getting worse, I feel permanently disinterested and detached, I don't have much interest in my activities (gaming, magic the gathering, uni work etc), nowhere near as much as I had earlier in the year anyway after I had got over the breakup and when I go out with friends for a night out I have a good time but then feel really low the next day and that persists for a while, I dread going into work because I just feel disinterested in doing anything vaguely productive. So, is this just the tail-end of a crappy summer hitting me or is there more to it? Thanks.
I've been led on and heartbroken as well. I also find myself disinterested about a lot of things. I would like to think that we're just experiencing the tail-end of a bad summer/year. I don't think it's much else. I do get genuine sparks of laughter and happiness, usually when I'm with friends and can clear my mind, or more recently when I'm on EC.
I thought I'd post here since this seemed similar to what's going on with me in some aspects. It's unfortunate when guys can be callous with others feelings or get cold feet when it comes down to D-day. I've been there too and it's not any easier to be honest. The important thing is to realize that it's not your fault, and that the emotional investment you may have put in means that you're capable of sustaining a mutually-satisfying relationship. I can't speak for the other guys, but behavior-wise, leading people on and toying with their emotions doesn't come across as particularly mature. It's a positive step that you've gotten over your ex, to the point where you can see others and envision something with them. But at the same time, try not to think of the two guys who just passed through your life as an impediment to future dating. Nobody's learned to successfully dance without tripping or stepping on a few toes. Keep trying to meet interesting people who are open to dating, and apply the things you have learned from the current ones (such as an inability to commit, or a tendency to be lukewarm until someone else comes along). With regard to your interests - withdrawing when hurt is pretty normal, and I did that for a while, but I'm starting to get back into things slowly. It's not an easy process and it may take a while, but do the things that you love. Keep your hobbies, and of course if you feel stressed or down you can cut back a little but never allow yourself to just sit doing nothing all day. Personally when I did that, I would ruminate and make myself feel even worse for past events that had nothing to do with me; somehow I'd make myself feel simultaneously bad for a whole bunch of things. If you need a club night out, by all means go for it. One night stands are a common feature of many single men, and I can attest to the fact that some of my friends who are jaded with dating tend to engage in them. But some do it for the fun of it. Not going to preach morality here, but it's your choice and if you do play, remember to play safe. We're all human and in need of love and affection; where you choose to find them is a personal decision. I wish I could offer more help with not feeling so low after a night out with friends. Maybe it's time to switch things up a bit and do something different? Try a new cuisine, go to a different event or engage in an entirely different activity. And if these feelings persist, and you're looking for more advice, there's lots of EC Counselors available on here. Alternatively, you could also look into talking to a professional closer to home. Good luck!
