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How to approach parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lewis, Nov 28, 2012.

  1. Lewis

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    I definitely want to tell them face-to-face, because I think a letter would panic them. The main problem is my mother. Whenever I try tell her something, she freaks out. Here's and example:

    Me: Mum, can I tell you something? Promise you won't go crazy...
    Mum: *horrified face* OMG, WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?! JUST TELL ME!!!

    This isn't ideal, especially when it's something so important to me. So how do I approach it? I'm kinda at the point in which I want them to come and ask me - rather than tell them myself.

    I'm their only child and I just can't predict how they'll react to it. They're not homophobic, they have other gay family members, but I'm their son.

    It just seems impossible...:bang:
     
  2. Aquilo

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    Maybe instead of saying 'Mum, can I tell you something? Promise you won't go crazy...', say you're gay immediatly and wish to talk to her about it? If you wish to start with something else I wouldn't add the 'promise you won't go crazy' part at least, as it suggests that you wish to tell her something about which she can go crazy. :icon_wink
     
  3. Lewis

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    Yeah, I always say dumb things like 'promise you'll still love me!' (and that was only when I was asking her about getting piercings!). I just think if I get that...confirmation, she can't go mad about it. I like the idea of just saying, I'm gay and I want to talk about it, but it's just so scary :/ grr!

    Thanks though :slight_smile:
     
  4. Aquilo

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    Yeah, it is really scary however you do it, I was scared like hell when I came out (*hug*)

    Good luck!
     
  5. julia

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    When I told my parents, separately, I just started with, "I want to tell you something...I like girls." I think it's best to not pause while you're talking, because it's important to get everything you want to say out before they can reply. I wish you the best!
     
  6. I agree with this. If my child started a conversation like that, my mind would start thinking about the worst possible things. It sets her up to expect something bad, so of course she starts to panic.it's only because she cares.
     
  7. Lewis

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    Thanks :slight_smile: yeah I think I need to just casually tell them, buts its harder than it looks. Maybe I can still just rely on them asking me? Idk :/
     
  8. TheFirstStep

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    I should be taking notes from this thread.

    Im planning on coming out to my parents tonight. And im absolutely terrified.
     
  9. MyJunkIsYou

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    I'd avoid saying "promise you won't go crazy/still love me etc."
    When someone says that it's almost kind of natural to panic, there's probably a huge number of scenario's skipping through her mind. It also presents what your about to tell her in a negative way, as if the normal reaction is to go crazy- even if that may happen you've got to remember you're hoping for a good reaction, so I'd try to use a more positive phrase.

    Do you talk to your mum about your life/what you're up to? I came out to my mum by striking up a conversation about my plans for the weekend, I casually mentioned to her I was going to gay pride, it forced her to ask the question I'd been wanting her to ask all along! Similarly you could mention a gay bar/a show/character/a friend and just try to move the conversation to a point where you can say it.

    Ultimately any way you choose involves taking a deep breath and spitting it out. If you're looking for a starting line rather than just walking into the room and blurting "I'm gay" perhaps,
    "Mum, I want to share something with you..."
    "You've always taught me to be honest, so I'd like to be honest with you.."
    something along those lines

    Hope it goes okay
     
  10. Lucky Oshawott

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    MyJunkIsYou definitely has the right idea; it's best that you don't panic your parents and just have a civil conversation but make sure to keep it calm and collected. E.g. Ask them to take a seat, you want to talk about something important etc. Don't let them fear the worst and I'm sure they'll be fine! Hop this helps. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Lewis

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    Funnily enough my mum always wants to go to gay pride, she's really supportive of gay people, but it's different when it's your own child I guess. She knows I've been to gay bars but where I live, everybody goes to gay bars! People prefer them because they stay open later.

    I'll try give some hints I guess, although I'm pretty scared!