My best friend came out as a lesbian a year ago, and asked me out yesterday. I know I love her, I just don't know how. I've had three past happy relationships, all with guys. Admittedly, they were when I was in Elementary and Middle school, and not serious at all. The first person I really like was a guy. I'm wondering whether I'm bi or lesbian, because I don't think I'm straight. I find some guys really physically attractive but it's often difficult for me to be attracted to any of them emotionally than it is for me to be emotionally attracted to girls. And with girls it's kind of the opposite I guess. I love her because of who she is and if she looked different I would still love her. I'm wondering how I love her though. I get those butterfly-type feelings when I think of her, and both times she had girlfriends I was extremely jealous. She makes me happier than anyone I know, and so I don't know if I love her that way or not. That's my biggest problem, because I don't want to lead her (or myself) on. Would you consider those feelings I have for her those of a best friend or something more? I flipped a coin in the air, heads meaning I love her like that, tails meaning I didn't. I didn't see what it landed on, but knew that when it was in the air that I was hoping it would land on heads. Thanks
Hmm, tricky. When I fell for my best friend I got similar feelings you do, getting butterflies, being incredibly jealous when she had boyfriends or talked about guys she liked, and etc, so this could mean you like her more than a friend, but it may not. Could you picture yourself going on dates with her, kissing her, holding her? Keep in mind that you don't need to love her to date her, 90% of people when they are first dating don't love each other. But if you feel it could ruin your friendship, I wouldn't risk it. I wish you the best!
Thanks for your help! She's still together with her current girlfriend who she used to love but doesn't anymore. They've broken up 8 times in 4 months and says if they do it again she'll go out with me. I'm having mass anxiety about the whole situation, but also realized that some of it comes from the fact that when we were best friends, she left me. And the reason was because she was about to commit suicide, and was thinking of all the people that would be okay, and she knew I wouldn't be one of them. She tried to protect me. After she left me, I was so broken and depressed. This was recent to, and I'm very afraid she'll leave me again, and I'll be even more hurt because I let this happen to myself again. I'm worried I won't be able to come back from that if it happens. How do you deal with anxiety like this? I can't seem to live with or without her. And I've always been confused about how I was supposed to fit into her life, or how she was supposed to fit into mine. And I'm hoping this is how.
Be careful, though! I'm "In love", in a sense, with my foster-sister. I want to spend all my time around her, and she makes me feel so happy. I'm her main confidant, and I know her better than anyone else. I get intensely jealous when she has a boyfriend, like she does right now, because he takes over my role to an extent. At one point, I thought I had a crush on her-- but I'm not attracted to her. (We've only known each other since we were 12, please ignore any incestuous vibe because it's not like that) It can be a very fine line between loving someone and being attracted to them. I would imagine that an asexual person falls in love like that. My point is, don't start a relationship if you simply love her, it's not fair to her.
Wow, ouch, that's horrible for her to say that she'll date you right after she breaks up with her current girlfriend, that must not feel too good, does it? How did she leave you, what exactly did she do? I'm sorry she has left you in the past though, friends should never do that. From what I'm hearing it would not be healthy for either one of you to start dating with each other. With her history of breaking up and making up and you not sure if you like her that way. I would focus on strengthening your friendship and put your possible relationship on the back burner.
I think you're right about all of it. I guess it didn't feel great when she said that. I was kind of thinking it would be great if she just broke up with her current girlfriend to go out with me, if she likes me like she says. She left me at first without telling me why she was leaving. I was being very clingy towards the end of the friendship. She just kept pushing me away, because that's what she does and always has done to everyone she's ever loved. One day she just called finally, saying she'd found a new best friend. And we didn't talk anymore after that, it just became very awkward to be within any type of distance between each other. And she fell in love with that girlfriend I told you about that she doesn't love anymore now, and a couple of months or more went by (I stopped counting after 70), and she finally told me why. And at first I told her I never wanted to be friends with her again, because I guess I was still in a lot of pain. But I took it back a couple hours later, because I knew how she made me feel and that it was something I would never want to be without again. Also because I felt incredible guilt over the fact she wanted to commit suicide, and I had just told her that I didn't want to be friends anymore. And so our friendship was weird and awkward, and uncomfortable. But we still made each other incredibly happy. And then the rest you know, that she asked me out, etc. I think your idea to wait and strengthen our friendship is great. I'm just wondering though, if you think that it will hurt me for me to tell her that we should wait? And how do I tell her? I still want her to know that I'm attracted to her and she makes me happy and I would most likely want to experiment in the future. I am at the point where I am confused, but I am not at the awful point I was when she left anymore, because she's here now. Thank you so much for your advice, you've really helped.
