This is my first time using this site, and I have to say I'm nervous already. Let me start with some information... I have had a wonderful girlfriend for over five years now, she's been with me through bullying in high school, my parents divorce issues, and recently a very painful surgery on my kidney. We have stayed together, even when college pulled us hours apart. She's always been my best friend... Unfortunately it didn't stay simple (why I'm here.) My father was fine with my coming out, and went the extra mile to get to know my girlfriend. My mother on the other hand was not so interested in trying. She has always hated my girlfriend, ever since we started dating (she didn't know we were for years.) While she did back off when she found out, although never stopping openly bashing her. Well the surgery I mentioned before is the issue... My mother swore up and down she would never hold it over my head. When I moved back, my girlfriend pulled a bone-headed move and posted something to a mutual friend that she was here. So my mother freaks out.... She told me I had a choice... Pay the 30k, or break up with my girlfriend.... It broke my heart when my girl begged me to leave her, I didn't want to, but otherwise I would be without a house, with around 500$ a month to pay. It's been almost one semester, I'm healing better, but I'm on the verge of losing it... She (my mother) just doesn't seem to care about how this has affected me. I used to cut a lot, but I made it so they could be stretch marks, so it's pretty well hidden... they cover my legs, and my girl saved me from that... Now I'm all alone, they track my phone, my email...this alone is a huge risk... But I need help... Please?? Anything... Any kind of help or comfort, and sorry for ranting, it's just I'm at a breaking point...
That is completely awful, I am so sorry you are in such a tight spot. You said your dad was supportive of you coming out and your relationship. He's okay with your mom putting you through this? Does he know about what affect this is having on you?
First of all welcome to EC. I understand this is a hard time for you and without really knowing you it's hard to offer advice on such a troubling subject. But I believe that communication is best. Maybe talk to your dad before your mom to ask if he can be there as support when speaking to your mom. You need to come at this diplomatically. Speak to her as an adult. Tell her your feelings and what you need. I don't know if it will work but if you really love your girl and want her in your life then you have to at least try, right? Depending on the outcome you will have to plan your next move. But as far as your girl. Try writting her a letter and tell her how you feel and what you are planning to do. They can't keep you from send out snail mail. No matter what you do and what happens, I wish you the best and hope it works out. Keep us posted. On a more personal note, you have a new friend in me if you want chat, so hit me up anytime. Good luck! And take care of yourself ... This is your life and it's precious!
He's under her heel with financial issues, and can't be with me. He's pretty mad at my girlfriend for starting this. But I think he's more mad that she caused something that is hurting me... ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2012 at 06:27 PM ---------- I've spoke to my father about it, and my mother. She absolutely refuses to budge on the subject, and now her new husband (Who has only met her twice) has joined in on the hatred. My mother got my whole family in on it, and now I have to go home after for break. I don't want to be around them, and then I'll only be 10 minutes away from my girlfriend... She really does mean everything to me, I had a wedding dress picked out, went and tried it on. She had a ring picked for me, but we wanted to make sure we were financially stable on our own before committing....
Then maybe you should be thinking about your next move. Maybe let things cool down for a bit. Sometimes constantly pushing an issue can make things worse. But try to find a way of communcating with your girl and let her know you aren't abandoning her. If you have distance your self from your family and make a life for yourself then you need to start planning that and your furture. Your family loves you and maybe they will come around. But you have to be true to yourself and do whats best for you. (Sometimes it suck being an adult - lol). I can't tell you what to do or how to play this, that's your choice but I hope you happiness in this.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, no one should ever have to choose between someone they love and money. It seems like there's no persuading your mom so perhaps you should stop trying. Some people are just impossible to through, believe me I know two of the most annoying homophobic people ever. And I'm glad your surgery went well with no complications (I had my tonsils removed and it was terrible.) Now, about self mutilation...it's not healthy at all and it's dangerous. I, myself am a cutter, so I can understand why you're doing it. I used to wrap a rubber band around my ankles and wrist and I'd pop it everytime I had an urge to cut. It worked, so you should try it--it really hurts, it makes you think twice about you're doing. I'm not sure what else I can say to help you, perhaps seeing a therapist will help. I'm here if you ever need to talk
