Suicide…

Having been in a position where I seriously considered suicide I feel you. Maybe talk to a close friend. They can be a great help. I'm sorry you don't want to look at yourself, it sucks.

 

Don't end your life. You only get one. Talk to a friend, school counselor, somebody you can trust. We at EC are here for you.

 

Suicide is never the answer to any of your problems, what you're feeling is temporary. Are you having a difficult time accepting that you like girls? I used to do the same things to myself that you described whenever I would get angry; which is the point in doing so, but it's not healthy and it's dangerous. What triggers your outbursts? If you can figure out what's causing you to feel the way you're feeling, we'll be one step closer to helping you.

Also, it sounds like you have an eating disorder; are you trying to lose weight? I only ask this because I used to binge eat, but then afterwards I'd feel terrible, so I wouldn't eat for a day or two. It's really unhealthy not having consistent eating habits, your body can go into starvation mode. Perhaps, talking to a therapist will help, they can be really helpful in ways that even shocked me. I'll be back once you answer those questions.

 

Hey, I am so sorry you are having a rough time right now. You are obviously under a lot of stress for whatever reason and very depressed. Sounds like you are in highschool (am I right) and are also in the middle of your coming out process. That is great that you have already told your family and friends though.

I have a few questions for you... Are thoughts of suicide new for you or is it something that has happened before? A pattern could suggest something chemical is going on. Are you on any medications for depression? Some depression meds, while balancing the chemicals responsible for clinical depression, can also cause recurrent thoughts of suicide. Also, if you haven't already, consider talking to your parents about seeing a therapist. Therapy is great, confidential, and it really does help.

Either way, there is way too much life left ahead of you for you to even consider ending it. You live in a great state in a wonderful country. No matter what you think may be wrong with yourself, there is some lucky lady who will fall in love with you hard. For everything that you are.

Even though it feels bad right now, it will pass. Speaking from some experience here; the long golden days days in the sun far outshine the dark nights of the soul. You are something special, and deserve a chance at happiness like everybody else. It's just that sometimes you gotta wait for it.

Hope that makes some sense... Please talk to your parents, talk to your friends, and keep talking to us here on EC. Because we really do care!

I wish you peace,

The Seeker

 

Wow heavy topic. I have been there before too. I even attempted it a couple of times in the past. I had a horrible childhood. I was abused (badly) but I won't go into that now. I also had to deal with bullies in school. All through school I was pushed, punched, made fun of and called names. I cried myself to sleep almost every night between what I dealt with at home and what I dealt with at school. But and there is a but ... I am still here. I have a man that loves me and two wonderful children of my own now. I am not the same wounded person I once was. I am stronger. I still cry in shower sometimes and I still get flashbacks and get depressed for no cause sometimes but I handle it and move on. I didnt let all those monsters that tried to break me succeed. I knew it wouldn't last forever even though it felt like it would. I guess what I am saying is I made it through the darkness and survived. I am glad I did. I am glad I am here! Please please try to keep your head up. Think of me and the people just like me ... Like US ... That are out there. You are not alone! You have a new friend in me and you can hit me up anytime you want to talk. Be safe and take care.
Xoxo

 

The most essential thing is to find someone you can talk to, ideally a therapist or counselor. Suicidal ideation is a tough beast to beat, and most people require therapy. In the meantime, work on self-care and grounding. Self-care is maintaining good hygiene, a good diet, proper exercise, proper sleep, and a healthy amount of socialization. Most people who experience suicidal ideation aren't up to doing it perfectly, so just focus on what you can do, what's within your "energy budget."

Grounding is the process of transferring attention away from your thoughts and feelings to your senses. You can eat an orange, slowly unpeeling it and savoring the color, flavor, odor, and texture. You can practice deep breathing. Or listing all the objects in the room. Doing this often breaks the train of thoughts and emotions.

 

I can relate.....please take care of yourself....and do keep us posted.

 

I've been here...in that place of wanting to end my life...and like that was my only option. To some extent, I'm still there, although, now it's not wanting to actively do something, it's just wishing something would happen that would end it.

It's a sad, scary, lonely place to be. I know how horrible it can feel, and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. For me, I have to talk to someone, or write. I keep a journal...and when I get to a point where the drive to want to live is minimal at best, I write and write and write until it's all out on paper, and there are no more words to be said. Then, I go to sleep. Usually by the next morning, I feel a bit better and like I can at least handle that day. You seem like you would do well with writing since you came here to write your thoughts out. To me it's almost as if putting the words and thoughts and feelings on paper allows me to put it aside and walk away- even just for a bit.

This did come through MUCH therapy, though...so, I agree with the other posters, consider a therapist or counselor at school to confide in and talk to when things get unbearable and out of control.

I hope that this feeling passes for you...
Good luck to you. (*hug*)

 

The first paragraph is a load of depressing drivel, so if that kind of stuff bothers you, the reader, don't read it.

I have a history of being suicidal, though the feeling comes and goes. I actually made a similar thread a few days ago. Unlike you, OP, I do not remedy the thought "Perhaps I should die" positively. I am trying to break this habit, but I adopted my mantra "I am a wicked retard; the most worthless waste of air imaginable." when I was 13. I'm not sure what convinced me thinking that was a good idea, but it did prevent me from visualizing vivid scenes of my death or suicide whenever I was in a stressful or emotionally negative situations, or whenever I felt regret, which was very often.

Lately, I've been trying to assure myself of all the life events I would miss out on and joys I would lose if I did kill myself. Those joys are my friends, family members, certain colorful experiences, and learning. Try to find things you enjoy and value in life and remind yourself that death will take them all away. Also that it's very unlikely these feelings will persist longterm, however long and slow life may feel right now.

 

If you are feeling suicidal you should contact the amazing people at The Trevor Project. Their number is 866-488-7386.

 

You may have a sort of OCD my brother has a similar issue like you he think and think and thinks and it has to do with anxiety it's an over thought process he's on Zoloft I think it is? Maybe you could talk to a doctor about going on medicine?

 

Please talk to someone. If not a parent, then a teacher, or doctor, or school counsellor. Anyone.

 

I've been in your position and its not fun I would recommend going to see your doctor immediately this sounds like major depression which is caused by hormone imbalances in the brain. Always remember their is no shame in asking for help when you need it. In the mean time eat chocolate its full of serotonin and should make you feel better. Hope this helps and you feel better soon.

 

I am sorry to hear that .. I go to that place you are in now from time to time .. its not nice .. you start feeling like people telling you to simply die and give up .. sometimes it feels like the only way out of your misery .. other then either lying to others about who you are and who you love or simply better then being any more frustrated ...

The way I found to counter that is to find something else .. something to do other then thinking about it .. do you like music ? everyone does right ?.. sit down and start listening to something that is simple and pure .. not rock or metal or something like that .. and nothing too sad either .. sit down and try to do something creative .. something that expresses you .. do some writing .. drawing .. or maybe even go out and play some sports .. also .. you can try long walks .. just long aimless walks .. it sounds stupid I know .. but its just something to get your mind off of it ...

Try to do something that engages your mind .. not something passive like reading a book or watching a movie alone .. but something that involves you putting an input yourself .. talk to someone .. you wrote that your family knows as well as your friends .. do you have someone close of them ? .. talk to them .. face to face .. talking online is the last thing .. it helps as well .. believe me .. I myself never thought it was that helping .. but it really does ...

Bottom line .. try to do something that engages your mind .. something that you like doing normally .. to get those dark thoughts away .. don't stay alone if that is what makes you do that stuff or think in that way ...

Stay safe ok .. and know that there is nothing to be gained in death ...