I'm 22 and he's 16. We started off as friends as we had a common love of video games. The more I got to know him, the better friends we became. We started staying up late and talking just for the sake of talking and playing a video game. We wouldn't even be doing anything interesting in the game and yet we would stay online and just talk to the early hours of the morning. It was then that I realised that I was falling for him. I am feeling a definite connection there and the more I think about it, I start to think he feels the same way. I haven't outed myself to anyone yet, but I am seriously considering coming out just to pursue this. But every time I reach that conclusion I become conflicted with my rational side screaming" HE'S SIXTEEN"... I don't know what to do.... I am so conflicted. I saw him today and honestly went crazy shy with just talking to him. I need help... seriously.
Well for starters...do not act on any physical urges because he is a minor and in most places in the civilized world that is illegal. Some of the best things in life are things we have to wait for. I'd say let this go for now, and then after he is of age and there are no legal repercussions, then that's your chance.
They definitely aren't physical. I'm asexual. The attraction is purely to his personality. But you are right. I should let this go. Gonna be hard though seeing as we game basically every day.
I guess there is no harm in coming out to him, just don't even contimplate a relationship untill he is 18
There's nothing wrong with you being his friend for now, and like Neutrality said, you can still come out to him.
I apologize, I didn't see that you were a-sexual. It can't hurt to come out to him. But no relationship of any kind is okay until he is 18.
I looked up the definition and i am most definitely not a pedophile. I only feel this way because of the age difference. Plus i was shocked to learn he was 16. He definitely looks older (facial hair and what not). Also yes I am an INTJ. Something i am both proud and hate at the same time. Thats for another topic maybe.
Actually, in the most places in the civilized world 16 is the legal age of consent (30 U.S. states, Canada, the United Kingdom). In most of Europe the age is even lower. And being attracted to a sexually-mature 16-year-old shouldn't make you feel like a pedophile. People mature at different rates. It wasn't that long ago that it was normal for people to be married with children at age 16. It's not the same thing as having a mental illness that makes you sexually desire prepubescent children. It trivializes the need to be on the lookout for real child predators like Jerry Sandusky to overuse the word "pedophile" like this to refer to a relationship between two consenting, physically-mature parties. Harvey Milk is today held up as a gay icon, yet it is known that at age 33 he began a relationship with Jack McKinley who was only 16 years of age. He was never arrested or charged with anything, nor has it resulted in any apparent loss of reputation among the LGBT community. That said, I do think it's best for the OP to probably wait and hold off on pursuing this relationship, at least in physical terms, until he is a bit older. Since you mention you are asexual and not interested in a physical relationship, then I don't see why you can't continue to be close friends, a 'bromance' of sorts that often develops when frequent video game playing is involved.
I always thought that there is something wrong in saying "it's wrong because it's illegal". The proper way to say it is "it's illegal because it's wrong". What I'm saying is that when you have strong feelings like these it's easy to rationalize around the law, see that laws are not suitable for your specific situation. You need to look at it from the other side; you are a lot older than him. Your relationship, other than friendship, would be highly asymmetrical. No matter what you two are like, you are an adult and he is a minor and you would be a very dominant partner. You are definitely not a pedophile, though. As far as I know, that would mean you find prepubescent kids sexually attractive, and he's not prepubescent. I do think it's really good that you yourself are aware of the need to be cautious and to think about your friend. You seem like a good friend, so keep it up Coming out to him, though, is just an extension of that friendship and could be a good thing, but in this case be careful for yourself.
I was gonna say, here in the UK the age of consent is 16. But i understand where you're coming from, i developed a wee bit of a crush on a guy at work who was 17 when i knew him and i felt dirty for it. To be fair though, like your crush, he doesnt look his age. The guy is nearly 7ft lol, didnt change the age difference though. If i was you i'd hold off on any sort of relationship, but i dont see the harm in coming out to him.
In the eyes of attraction and sexual maturity, nah you are not a pedophile. It's just a legal danger because of those two years between 16 and 18. Also, glad I got the Myers-Briggs thing right. I am an ENTP.
