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Just walking along doing my straight guy thing... then BAM!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BrixtonAcademy, Nov 29, 2012.

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  1. BrixtonAcademy

    BrixtonAcademy
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    So I'm a 20-year-old man, and as far as I knew I was straight up until about 6 months ago.

    My ex girlfriend, the love of my life, broke up with me just over a year ago. I was crushed, so after that I turned into a serial womanizer and have slept with a hoard of women over the last year. My only mission when I went out was to get laid. I've always been into girls for as long as I can remember. So why the doubt? Well, I'm not totally sure either.

    A few months back a friend of mine said her Uni friends initially thought I was gay. Instead of just shrugging this off like a confident straight guy would it sent me into a downward spiral of self-doubt. I checked out gay porn and I gotta say it really does it for me. I still watch mostly straight/lesbian porn but if I was honest I'd say I find the gay porn more arousing. I've never really had any crushes or feelings for another guy, but since all this came about, I'm starting to wonder if my feelings for girls are genuine. It's been a long time since my attraction to a chick has felt natural, lately I feel like I've just been tryna force myself on women to prove these doubts wrong. It's really confusing, and maybe this doesn't make much sense, but something tells me that I'm not the heterosexual person I thought I was. I've done lots of research and while I don't really know many gay people I reckon if I was truly myself I might get on with and relate to them better than my straight friends? I need to get to the bottom of this because at 20 I think it's time to discover who I really am.

    Has anyone else round here had similar experiences? Cheers guys and gals, love you all :thumbsup:
     
    #1 BrixtonAcademy, Nov 29, 2012
  2. phospholipase

    phospholipase Guest

    Don't worry--everything you said makes perfect sense to me.

    I think this is the case of "you never know until you try it." At the same time, your feelings for women can be perfectly genuine, but perhaps just now you've discovered something new about yourself. Even at age 20, there are tons of things a person can still discover about himself--new foods, new types of music--in your case you've just discovered that you might be more sexually flexible than you initially thought. So what can you do now? You don't have to do anything.

    But after such a discovery maybe you don't want to sit back and do nothing. Going online is a good first step to seeing what the other side of life can be like. Maybe now you can start approaching and talking to more men, and seeing where that takes you. :king:
     
    #2 phospholipase, Nov 29, 2012
  3. BrixtonAcademy

    BrixtonAcademy
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    I think you're probably right man, even as I was typing this I was thinking the only thing left to do is meet some gay men and see how well I can relate to them. I guess it's a case of "you don't know if you like Guinness til you've tried it!"

    I live in Oxford, England, and there's one gay pub and one gay pub. I'm thinking about checking the pub out and meeting some new people tomorrow. Anyone near there that wants to come and be my guide? It'll be a laugh!
     
    #3 BrixtonAcademy, Nov 29, 2012
  4. Motov

    Motov
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    That is something only you can discover, If you are comfortable with it or not is your decision. I agree with phospholipase. You may even be BI
     
    #4 Motov, Nov 29, 2012
  5. Emberblaze

    Emberblaze
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    I'd advise you not to rely on what kinda porn you like to determine your orientation. In the end, the question is this: are you attracted to guys?

    I mean, I think most people (or maybe guys at least) can get off to just about any kinda porn (don't get too crazy about what I mean with that). But just get out there and figure out who you are. To re-cap, my point is porn isn't the ultimate decider.

    Heh hope you find out soon
     
    #5 Emberblaze, Nov 29, 2012
  6. justinf

    justinf
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    Remember that gay men are just like all men, except they're attracted to the same sex. So whether you relate to those guys at the pub or not doesn't really say that much.. they could just as well be straight guys you don't relate to that much.. that's more of a personality thing rather than a sexuality thing.
     
    #6 justinf, Nov 29, 2012
  7. Delta

    Delta
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    I agree, Justin, but there definitely is a culture change proportional to the average Kinsey scale rating in the area. And people do change in little ways to adapt to their surroundings. And I wouldn't write off the idea that can be a definite "average" personality difference from straight men to gay men. Why would there be so many stereotypes if there wasn't a consistent basis for them?

    I relate to my gay (or gay-acting straight) friends in a much different way than my heterosexual friends, personally, and I prefer it. I love them all the same, but there is certainly a different atmosphere. It's possible, and perhaps even normal, to relate to people in a different way because of their sexuality. Just like you can relate to people differently based on if you went to the same high school, or had the same major. Every aspect of a person's personality counts, and being gay can be a big part of a person.

    I guess my point is, gay people are people just like straight people are people, but they are still different in a neutral neither-good-nor-bad way, because they're gay. And that can affect how you feel around them.
     
    #7 Delta, Nov 29, 2012
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