Hi everyone! Not sure if any of y'all remember me. I had created a thread in here several months ago regarding a closeted guy I had been dating, but he decided to break things off because he wants a wife and kids. See: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/60070-dirty-little-secret.html We had decided to just let things be ("it is what it is") and were still intimate. I was lying to myself thinking that I was okay with everything, but I really wasn't. I felt guilty and thought that he ended things because I had pressured him too much about being in the closet...so I just kept my feelings to myself. But a couple of months later, I couldn't take it anymore. I asked him if I was just holding onto false hope, and he replied with "I thought I've made it clear. I'm looking for a wife." I decided to sever all ties with him. A couple of months later, and I get a message from him. So many emotions ran through me, but mostly of happiness...because I thought I had lost him forever. We had been intimate since and have been texting each other here and there. I've just been living my life. But now, I feel like I'm back in that position of asking where I stand with him? Why did he reconnect with me? Has anything changed? If he's looking for a wife, why did he reach out to me? I know that he's the only one that can answer my questions. I guess I was looking for someone to share this with, and someone to shed some outside perspective as well. Thank you so much in advance!
Yeah, you love him, but does he love you...or is he using you for sex? And when he gets his trophy wife, will you be his concubine on the side for his sexual needs? Def you gotta take the chance of losing the man you love and tell him you want to know why he contacted you after the break up. And if he says "you know why, I just haven't found her yet so I need you around" or some shit like that, make the choice. If you were one of my friends (and a straight girl) I would say things I say all the time to them. Respect yourself your body, don't put out just to not lose somebody, cuz they will use you for sex and move on to next victim. I tried to warn a girl after a pregnancy scare the guy had a history, she not listen to me, she listened to him lie...and now a year later he left her just as I told her would happen. Please be wiser than these women I know! Get the truth outta him, and then do what you gotta do or you will be miserable. Said with love, bro.
I have nothing to say .. Deaf Not Blind said every single word I wanted to say .. just keep in your mind your own self respect .. you know deep inside the truth .. whether he is simply using you .. or just lying to cover up for his situation (as being closeted so he is simply in denial and he doesn't want to leave you) ... Deep inside .. only you can honestly answer that .. before you ask him make sure you think about it clearly .. remember everything you guys shared .. try to remember how it was .. was his actions based on getting you to bed and simply leaving afterwards (metaphorically speaking of course .. he could remain the night but he isn't really there if you know what I mean) .. all of his actions to this point today can tell you what is his motives .. sex for sex .. or denial of love ... Also try to find out what he did those 2 months you were apart .. it may be able to tell you more about the situation if your vision is a bit clouded now .. and whatever happens in both situations .. respect yourself .. you aren't just a sex toy for someone whoever he may be .. you are a human being with feelings that should be respected ... Stay safe ...
Let's just spell everything out. He likes you. He likes having sex with you. He's going to stay in the closet. He's going to eventually find a girlfriend, at which point you'll become second priority. He's presumably eventually going to marry that girlfriend, at which point you'll become even lower second priority. He's presumably going to keep you around as long as he can (including post-marriage), because hey, sex. If you're cool with any and/or all of this, you're welcome to stick with it. If you're not cool with any and/or all of this, you're welcome to end it. Because it will not change. Lex
