Just feeling lost and lonely (kinda just venting)

I'm not a native english-speaking person so I'm sorry if my english isn't that good...

So I just don't know where my life is heading. I feel very ofter lonely. I have quite many friends and a handful of close friends, to whom I'm out. I just feel like they don't have time for me anymore, and I don't blame them, most of them are in a relationship with wonderful people and they are all now moving in together and stuff. Not a day goes by that I'm not jealous to them, I would die to get a normal relationship like that. I have never been in a relationship (if you don't count a 3 day relationship with my best girl friend during which I fully realized that I could never be with a girl and it really made me depressed. She was madly in love with me and i really broke her heart, so I'm really lucky that she's one of my closest friends still) or kissed a person. I feel like it's whatever now, I'm too old for a lovely cotton-clouds-and-syrup -kind of teenage romance I've always dreamed of.

My out-situation is very tricky. Last year I started at university and promised myself that I would never ever tell anyone there, try to get into the more popular circles this time. Almost two years ago I told my mom, she did not take it very well, and although she said she loved me all the same, she told me that maybe I'm just confused and that I should try to be with a girl. I just feel so frustrated that I cannot, I don't want my parents to be ashamed of me, and me being out as gay and having a boyfriend would definetly do that. I really don't ever want to "come out" as I don't see that it would make my life any easier with rumors spreading and people hating me behind my back.

I can't really think of a reason anyone would read this, it's just crazy. I probably just needed to vent a bit, since I really have no-one to talk to right now, so thanks if you read.