Hey all! I only very recently came to the realization that I'm gay and still grapple with it daily honestly. It's difficult to accept such a life-changing thing, but I'm working on taking steps forward everyday. Recently, I've been hanging out with a new group of work friends lately, and they're awesome to go out with and have fun. Inevitably though, our conversations turn to dating. I struggle with not being authentic. I feel like I'm being totally misleading, but at the same time I don't want to just say oh yeah, I'm gay when I'm still questioning it so much. One of them is definitely a little boy crazy and since I'm also single, she assumes I am obviously also looking for a boyfriend. I've dated guys in the past and will share those stories for a laugh, but ultimately I sidestep, swerve, and avoid the use of all pronouns in these conversations, but it's just exhausting and quite frankly, stupid. My other problem is that I don't really want to be totally out at work. I have one coworker who knows, but she's also a good friend. While on the overall I'm sure it would be an accepting workplace, I also work at a college with religious ties and don't want to misjudge and ultimately risk my job. I don't know of any other 'out' person in the department. I have my suspicions with a few people, but no more than that. So naturally, the idea of coming out to 4 people I work with everyday makes me want to drag my feet. So basically, I don't know what to do. The conversation of men and dating will likely never cease, and I frankly would like to participate being honest with who I am and who I want to date. I'm tired of not being genuine. Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.
A couple suggestions. You might confide in the coworker you're already out to. Tell her you feel conflicted about the dating talk, and explain your fears and reluctance in coming out to everybody else. She might be able to give you another perspective whether they'll be accepting or understanding. If you decide to stay in for the time being, I'd suggest simply cutting them off at the pass. If BoyKrazy talks about going on the prowl for a man, just say "I'm honestly not looking for a guy right now. I've got enough going on in my life as it is. If somebody suddenly lands in my lap, hey, excellent, but I'm not going to count on that." Lex
I can definitely relate....I think I've finally figured out my sexuality, which is a relief, but now I feel like I'm lying when I'm talking to people at work. I've decided to tell a couple of my close friends, but I'm still lost as to what and how much to tell people I work with. Especially because I would not want to jeopardize my job (not that I necessarily think it would be held against me, but you never really know!). I'm kind of close with my work friends though, so I'm still struggling with whether or not to eventually tell them. I'm single so it does come up every once in a while. I'm with Lex, that confiding in your friend who already knows is a great idea! She'll be able to give you another perspective on the work environment. Just be aware though, that if your workplace is anything like mine, new info about colleagues spreads like wildfire. Once you tell your friends, you might prepare to be out to most of the workforce. Not that your friends wouldn't try to be respectful of your privacy, just that type of thing tends to get around, people overhear things, etc.
Thanks guys, that's definitely great advice. It's so sticky in that, I know in the wrong hands it will spread like wildfire, which is obviously the last thing I need. I'll talk it over with my friend.
