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How can I help my best friend to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Zack, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. Zack

    Regular Member

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    I'm pretty much in love with my best friend and I'm almost entirely certain (as are other gay people) he's gay and likes me as well, but he's not out of the closet at all, not even to me. So of course I'd love it if he came out, and I really want to help him do it. Don't get me wrong here, I'm definitely NOT going to confront him about it or try to force him out or anything like that. I'd never do that. I just want to know how I could maybe inspire him to come out, or somehow reassure him and make him feel more comfortable about coming out and help him to be less scared. I know that I'm coming off as selfish, but he's my friend first, and I'd want to help him anyway. But he's the most amazing guy I've ever met, so of course I want to try and make a relationship possible. I know it's still up to him to come out though, but I at least have to try.

    Additional info: I just turned 17 and he's almost 16, and yes he knows I'm gay.
     
  2. You can try expressing your deeper, intimate feelings for him so that he knows that somebody's available for him if he came out, and that he wouldn't have to be afraid of being alone. But also make sure to assure him that you would do anything to keep him as a friend and can maintain a platonic relationship if that is what he wants.

    Or you can tell him how coming out has affected you (hopefully generally positive) so that it may inspire/motivate him to come out (assuming he is gay).

    I just want to give out the reminder that oftentimes our minds play tricks on us, and if we want something to happen enough, it will seem to be that way in our heads. That is, maybe you and your gay friends are really excited about having another potential gay brethren that you overexcite yourselves into thinking he must be gay.

    And above all, if you choose to do something like exposing your deeper feelings for him, you run the risk of alienating him and making him uncomfortable, but best friends will be able to work through confessions of love and find compromise.
     
    #2 phospholipase, Nov 29, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2012
  3. TroubledRyan

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    I wouldn't do anything, besides showing him that you are a trust-able person. If he feels safe around you, and that he can confide in you; you may just get what you are wanting. Though you can tell him your feelings for him, it runs the risk of hurting/destroying your friendship. Well, that is my passive point of veiw ^^.
     
  4. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! As hard as this is going to be, the only thing you can do is just show him that you are there for him. Be yourself around him, and show him that it is okay to be gay.

    If you are a part of a LGBT youth support or social group talk him about it. If you are not a part of a support/social group, try to join one, thus also showing and indicating to him, there is support out there and others who have started to, or already fully embrace who they are.

    Everything else (and as you have already indicated) is up to him.
     
  5. Zack

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    Thanks for advice guys!

    I'll definitely have to look into joining GSA or something of the sort. I also think I might share my coming out stories with him. Everything has been going great for me, and it might give him a little confidence. And I'll consider telling him I like him, because under the current circumstances it won't negatively affect our friendship.