how do i meet someone wile im still in the closet ?

You mention your family a lot in this post, and I think the most reasonable place to start is with confronting that situation. Not necessarily in terms of coming out, but figuring out how to negotiate something with them that will be workable for you. How dependent are you on your family financially? Is there anyone at all in your family that you could talk to? Could any of your friends be there with you for any part of the coming out process with your family?

The reality is, even if you did join a dating site, the chances of your family discovering you on it are pretty minimal. Most people don't troll around gay dating sites on the off chance that one of their relatives will be on there. But the concerns you're expressing make it sound like the situation with your family is the main thing that's preventing you from branching out and meeting other gay people. So, what can be done about that?

 

Instead of worrying about dating, how about just finding more friends in the LGBT community?

Are you in college or university? Many of them have LGBT friendly clubs or organizations where you could connect with others within that community as well as those who are affirming or friendly towards it.

 

There may be gay events in your area. Check out if there is a local LGBTQ center or a support group like PFLAG. But agree with the others, you need to work on being ok with yourself and knowing how to handle your family before you get into a major relationship anyway. It's OK to be single for a while and just have fun connecting to friends and discovering yourself. Honestly, if you got into a serious relationship, it would be pretty hard to hide that from your family anyway. And you may have difficulty if the person you're with is out and is not ok with dating someone in the closet - a situation that is becoming more and more common as gay issues take the forefront in so many communities.

Start with making LGBTQ friends, and see if there are any members of your family (cousins? sibling?) you might be able to come out to whom you can trust to keep it secret while you are working on coming out of the closet. If no one is understanding and they are all extremely rejecting, then as someone who had to leave an abusive family, I would suggest you get more positive people to surround you in your life as an adult - life is too short to waste on ignorance and blind hatred. But rarely is an entire family like that, most people can come around to it eventually when they see you're happier out and that it's not going to change. A lot of the concern is about worrying for loved ones, and you can use that worry to show them over time how this is better for you, because it's the only way you can be and be happy. You can pretend, but you can't change the wiring of your brain, and a lot of people who pretend deal with depression, substance abuse, and suicide.

Many family members will come around with the help of support groups like PFLAG or books that address their concerns. But sooner or later, they will have to accept that it's your life, not theirs, and you have a right to live it. Either they can come along for the ride, or they can miss the whole thing.

 

I tried online dating. Its not as good as the real thing but its harder to get caught.

 

Can you move out?

 

idk where in england you are but im pretty sure there are tons of lgbt groups you can join. join those first and make friends. you are probably scared you wont ever have a girlfriend because you are in the closet, thats how i felt when i was in the closet, (*hug*)

 

I understand where you are coming from. Your situations sounds almost identical to mine. I had to accept the fact that it is harder to meet someone while still in the closet. This may not be what you want to hear but before you get too down, I promise that I am reasonably happy. There are times where being single sucks and I get down but for the most part I just go about my life and try not to worry about finding a girlfriend. She's out there I'm sure but I haven't found her yet and there is no use rushing it.
All that said, being single sometimes really sucks and sometimes all we want is some affection so here.(*hug*)(&&&). Hang in there. You will find your girl just like I will find mine.

 

I second what Gravity said.

 

I'm sorry, but if you're this uncomfortable with the idea of your family possibly finding out about something so obscure like a dating profile, how do you figure you're going to manage to have a girlfriend too?

It's probably much easier to deal with coming out or other things first. Read over your posts - even you don't sound comfortable with the idea of dating yet. There's no sense in doing that then, is there?